Ndayifundisa Njani Intombi Yam Yasesikolweni Ukuba Imelane Nabaxhaphazi

Umxholo

• Sinengxaki apha
• Mncinci kangakanani mncinci ukuba abantwana bangakuqonda ukuxhatshazwa?
• Kutheni ndifundisa intombi yam ukuba ivale phantsi abo baxhaphaza ngokukhawuleza
• Iziphumo: Intombazana yam esele ikwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo yema nje yangqinela!
• Ke, kutheni kubalulekile nje oku?

Ukufika kwindawo yokudlala ngosuku oluhle ehlotyeni, intombi yam yaqaphela kwangoko inkwenkwana evela elumelwaneni eyayidlala nayo rhoqo. Wayechulumancile kukuba ebekhona ukuze bonwabe kunye epakini.

Njengoko sasisiya kwinkwenkwe kunye nomama wayo, sakhawuleza safumanisa ukuba uyalila. Intombi yam, ekubeni ingumondli okhoyo, ikhathazeke kakhulu. Waqala ukumbuza ukuba kutheni enomsindo. Inkwenkwe encinci ayiphendulanga.

Ndathi xa ndiza kubuza ukuba yintoni ingxaki, kweza enye inkwenkwana ibaleka yaza yakhwaza, “Ndikubethe ngoba usisidenge kwaye umbi!”

Uyabona, inkwenkwana encinci eyayikhala yayizalwe ikhula kwicala lasekunene lobuso bayo. Intombi yam kunye nam besele sithethile ngale nto ehlotyeni kwaye bendinzima ekumaziseni ukuba asikhohlakele ebantwini kuba bajongeka okanye benza ngokwahlukileyo kunathi. Wayehlala emthatha ukuba adlale kulo lonke ihlobo emva kwentetho yethu ngaphandle kokuvuma konke ukuba kukho into ebonakala yahlukile ngaye.

Emva kokuhlangana ngelishwa, umama kunye nonyana wakhe bahamba. Intombi yam yamanga ngokukhawuleza yamxelela ukuba angalili. Yayifudumeza intliziyo yam ukubona isenzo esimnandi kangaka.

Kodwa njengoko unokuthelekelela, ukubona oku kudibana kwazisa imibuzo emininzi engqondweni yentombi yam.

Sinengxaki apha

Kungekudala emva kokuba inkwenkwana ihambile, wandibuza ukuba kutheni enye inkwenkwe kamama imvumela ukuba akhohlakele. Waqonda ukuba yayiyinto eyahlukileyo kule bendimxelele yona ngaphambili. Lo yayingumzuzu endabona ukuba kufuneka ndimfundise ukuba angabaleki abaxhaphazi. Kungumsebenzi wam njengomama wakhe ukumfundisa ukuvala abo baxhaphaza abanye ukuze angabikho kwimeko apho ukuzithemba kwakhe kuchithwa zizenzo zomnye umntu.

Ngelixa le meko yayikukujongana ngqo, ingqondo yasesikolweni ayisoloko ikhuliswa ngokwaneleyo ukuba iqaphele xa umntu ngobuqili ebeka phantsi okanye engathandeki.

Njengabazali, ngamanye amaxesha sinokuziva sisuswe kakhulu kumava ethu obuntwana kangangokuba kunzima ukukhumbula ukuba kwakunjani ukuxhatshazwa. Ngapha koko, ndilibale ukuba ukuxhaphaza kunokwenzeka kwasekuqaleni ukuya esikolweni de ndibone eso sehlo ngelishwa ebaleni lokudlala ehlotyeni.

Ukuxhatshazwa akuzange kuthethwe ngako xa ndandisengumntwana. Andizange ndifundiswe indlela yokuqonda okanye ukuvala umxhaphazi ngokukhawuleza. Ndifuna ukwenza ngcono ngentombi yam.

Mncinci kangakanani mncinci ukuba abantwana bangakuqonda ukuxhatshazwa?

Ngenye imini, ndibukele intombi yam ihluthwa yintombazana encinci eklasini yayo ikhetha omnye umhlobo.

Kwaphula intliziyo yam ukuyibona, kodwa intombi yam yayingazi. Uqhubeke nokuzama ukujoyina ulonwabo. Nangona oko kunganyanzelekanga ukuba undixhaphaze, kwandikhumbuza ukuba abantwana abanakuhlala bechaza xa umntu engalunganga okanye engenabulungisa kubo kwiimeko ezingacacanga.

Kamva ngobo busuku, intombi yam yazisa into eyenzekileyo kwaye yandixelela ukuba ivakalelwa ngathi le ntombazana incinci ayilunganga, kanye njengenkwenkwana epakini. Mhlawumbi kwamthatha ixesha ukuba enze into eyenzekileyo, okanye wayengenawo amagama okucacisa ngalo mzuzu ukuba iimvakalelo zakhe zazenzakele.

Kutheni ndifundisa intombi yam ukuba ivale phantsi abo baxhaphaza ngokukhawuleza

Emva kwezi ziganeko zozibini, besinengxoxo malunga nokuzimela ngokwakho, kodwa ke sihlale silungile kwinkqubo. Ewe, kuye kwafuneka ndiyibeke kwimigangatho yasesikolweni. Ndimxelele ukuba umntu akalunganga kwaye imenza buhlungu emva koko kufuneka abaxelele. Ndigxininisile ukuba ukubuyela umva kwamkelekile. Ndayithelekisa naxa enomsindo kwaye endikhwaza (masinyaniseke, wonke umntwana uyabaqumbela abazali babo). Ndimbuzile ukuba angathanda na ukuba ndingamngxolisa. Wathi, “Hayi Mama, loo nto ingandikhathaza.”

Kule minyaka, ndifuna ukumfundisa ukuba athathe awona mhle kwabanye abantwana. Ndifuna ukuba azimele kwaye abaxelele ukuba AKULUNGILE ukumenza azive elusizi. Ukufunda ukuqaphela xa kukho into ebuhlungu ngoku kwaye uzimele ngokwakho kuya kwakha isiseko esiqinileyo sendlela awuphatha ngayo umbandela wokukhulisa njengoko ekhula.

Iziphumo: Intombazana yam esele ikwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo yema nje yangqinela!

Kungekudala emva kokuba sixoxile ukuba AKULUNGILE ukuba abanye abantwana bamenze azive elusizi, ndibone intombi yam ixelela intombazana ebaleni lokudlala ukuba ukutyhala kwayo kwakungekho mnandi. Wamjonga ngqo emehlweni, njengoko ndandimfundisa ukuba enze njalo, kwaye wathi: "Nceda ungandityhaleli, ayonto intle!"

Imeko iphucuke kwangoko. Ndisukile ekubukeni le enye intombazana inesandla esiphakamileyo kwaye ndingayihoyi intombi yam ukuba ndiyibandakanye kumdlalo wokufihla-nokufuna awudlalayo. Omabini la mantombazana aqhuma!

Ke, kutheni kubalulekile nje oku?

Ndiyakholelwa ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba sifundisa abantu indlela yokusiphatha. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ukuxhaphaza kuyindlela-mbini. Ngangoko singaze sithande ukucinga ngabantwana bethu njengabaxhaphazi, inyani yile, iyenzeka. Luxanduva lwethu njengabazali ukufundisa abantwana bethu indlela yokuphatha abanye abantu. Njengokuba bendixelele intombi yam ukuba izimele kwaye yazise omnye umntwana xa bemenza buhlungu, kubalulekile ngokulinganayo ukuba ayinguye lo wenza omnye umntwana abe lusizi. Kungenxa yoko le nto ndimbuzileyo ukuba angaziva njani xa ndinokumphendula. Ukuba kukho into enokumenza buhlungu, akufuneki ayenze komnye umntu.

Abantwana babonisa indlela abaziphatha ngayo ekhaya. Njengomfazi, ukuba ndiyazivumela ukuba ndixhatshazwe ngumyeni wam, nguloo mzekelo ndiza kuwumisela intombi yam. Ukuba ndihlala ndikhwaza umyeni wam, ndaye ndimbonisa ukuba kulungile ukuba ukhohlakele kwaye uxhaphaze abanye abantu. Iqala ngathi njengabazali. Vula incoko ekhaya lakho nabantwana bakho malunga nokuba yeyiphi kwaye ayamkelekanga indlela yokuziphatha ebonisa okanye yokwamkela kwabanye. Ngokwazi yenza ukuba kube yeyona nto iphambili ukuseta umzekelo ekhaya ofuna ukuba abantwana bakho babe yimodeli emhlabeni.

UMonica Froese ngumama osebenzayo ohlala eBuffalo, eNew York, kunye nomyeni wakhe kunye nentombi eneminyaka emithathu ubudala. Ufumene i-MBA yakhe ngo-2010 kwaye ngoku ungumlawuli wentengiso. Ubhloga kwi-Redefining Mom, apho egxile ekuxhobiseni abanye abantu basetyhini ababuyela emsebenzini emva kokuba nabantwana. Ungamfumana kuTwitter naku-Instagram apho abelana khona ngezinto ezinomdla ngokuba ngumama osebenzayo nakwiFacebook nakwiPinterest apho abelana khona ngezixhobo zakhe ezilungileyo zokulawula ubomi bomama abasebenzayo.