Ukudada kundincede njani ukuba ndibuye kwakhona ekuhlaselweni ngokwesondo

Umxholo

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Ndicinga ukuba ayindim ndedwa odadayo okhathazekileyo kukuba wonke umxholo kufuneka afunde "indadi" xa ethetha ngoBrock Turner, ilungu leqela lokuqubha leYunivesithi yaseStanford osandula ukugwetywa iinyanga ezintandathu ejele emva kokufunyanwa enetyala amatyala amathathu okuhlaselwa ngokwesondo ngoMatshi. Hayi nje ngenxa yokuba ingabalulekanga, kodwa ngenxa yokuba ndiyakuthanda ukuqubha. Yinto eyandincedayo ekuhlaselweni kwam ngokwesondo.

Ndandineminyaka eyi-16 xa kwenzekayo, kodwa andizange ndibize "isiganeko" ukuba sasiyintoni. Yayingeyondlwan' iyanetha okanye inyanzelise njengoko babeyicacisa esikolweni. Kwakungekho mfuneko yokuba ndilwe. Khange ndiye ngqo esibhedlele kuba bendinqunyiwe kwaye ndifuna uncedo lwezonyango. Kodwa ndandisazi ukuba into eyenzekileyo ayilunganga, kwaye inditshabalalisile.

Umhlaseli wam wandixelela ukuba ndiyamtyala. Ndandicwangcise usuku neqela labahlobo endandidibene nabo kwinkomfa yobunkokeli, kodwa lwathi lwakufika usuku wonke umntu wafumana ibheyile ngaphandle komfana omnye. Ndizamile ukuthi siyakuhlangana ngelinye ixesha; wanyanzelisa ukuba eze phezulu. Imini yonke sasijinga kwiklabhu yaselwandle yasekhaya kunye nazo zonke izihlobo zam, kwaye xa usuku lwalusondela esiphelweni, ndambuyisela endlwini yam ukuyothatha imoto yakhe ndaza ekugqibeleni ndamthumela. Ukufika kwethu apho, wandixelela ukuba akaze ahambe intaba ngaphambili, kwaye waqaphela amahlathi ashinyeneyo emva kwendlu yam kunye neAppalachian Trail ekhokelela kuwo. Ucele ukuba singahamba ngokukhawuleza ngaphambi kokuba ahambe ekhaya, kuba "bendinetyala kuye" ngokuqhuba yonke loo ndlela.

Sasisandul 'ukufika ehlathini apho ndandingasayiboni indlu yam xa ebuza ukuba singahlala phantsi sithethe kumthi owileyo ecaleni kwendlela. Ndaye ndahlala ngabom kude naye, kodwa wayengafumani thsuphe. Wayehlala endixelela ukuba kukrwada kangakanani ukumenza eze yonke le ndlela eze kundityelela kwaye angamthumeli ekhaya "nesipho esifanelekileyo". Waqala ukundichukumisa, esithi ndiyamtyala kuba akakhange andibheyile njengaye wonke umntu. Bendingafuni nanye kuyo, kodwa andikwazi kuyinqanda.

Ndazivalela egumbini lam iveki emva koko kuba andinokwazi ukujongana nomntu. Ndaziva ndingcolile kwaye ndineentloni; kanye indlela ixhoba likaTurner eliyibeka ngayo kwidilesi yakhe yenkundla kuTurner: "Andiwufuni umzimba wam kwakhona ... bendifuna ukukhulula umzimba wam njengebhatyi ndiwushiye." Ndandingazi ukuba ndiza kuthetha njani ngayo. Andizange ndikwazi ukubaxelela abazali bam ukuba ndalala ngesondo; bebezondicaphukela. Andikwazi ukuxelela abahlobo bam; babendibiza ngamagama amabi ndide ndibe negama elibi. Ngoko andizange ndixelele mntu iminyaka, kwaye ndazama ukuqhubeka ngokungathi akuzange kwenzeke nto.

Kungekudala emva "kwesiganeko", ndafumana indawo yokukhupha iintlungu. Kwakukuqubha ukuziqhelanisa-senza iseti ye-lactate, okuthetha ukubhukuda iiseti zeemitha ezingama-200 kangangoko kunokwenzeka ngelixa usenza ixesha lokuphumla, eliwe ngemizuzwana emibini iseti nganye. Ndandiqubha wonke umsebenzi kunye nemigogo yam egcwele iinyembezi, kodwa loo nto ibisisihlandlo esibuhlungu kakhulu ibikokokuqala ukuba ndikhuphe ezinye zeentlungu zam.

"Uve iintlungu ezimbi kunale. Zama nzima," ndiziphindaphinde kum. Ndithathe iiseti ezintandathu ixesha elide kunalo naliphi na iqela lam labasetyhini, kwaye ndade ndagqithisa uninzi lwabafana. Ngolo suku, ndafunda ukuba amanzi yeyona ndawo ndandiziva ndisekhaya kulusu lwam. Ndingawukhupha wonke umsindo wam owakhiweyo kunye neentlungu apho. Andizange ndizive ndingcolile apho. Ndikhuselekile emanzini. Ndandikho ngokwam, ndityhala intlungu yam ngendlela esempilweni kunye neyona ndlela inzima endinokuyenza.

Ndaya kudada e-Springfield College, encinci NCAA DIII School eMassachusetts. Ndibe nethamsanqa lokuba isikolo sam sibe nenkqubo emangalisayo yokuQhelaniswa kwabafundi eNtsha (NSO) yabafundi abangenayo. Yayilusuku lweentsuku ezintathu lokuziqhelanisa neenkqubo kunye nemisebenzi emininzi eyonwabisayo, kwaye ngaphakathi kuyo, sasinenkqubo ebizwa ngokuba yi-Diversity Skit, apho iinkokheli ze-NSO, ezazingabasebenzi abaphezulu esikolweni, bema kwaye babelane ngamabali abo obuqu malunga namava obomi abuhlungu : iingxaki zokutya, izifo zemfuza, abazali abahlukumezayo, amabali mhlawumbi ongakhange uvezwe ekukhuleni. Baza kwabelana ngala mabali njengomzekelo kubafundi abatsha ukuba eli lihlabathi elitsha elinabantu abatsha; yiba novakalelo kwaye ubazi abo bakungqongileyo.

Enye intombazana yema kwaye yabelana ngebali layo lokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, kwaye yayilixesha lokuqala ndisiva indlela endiziva ngayo kwisiganeko sam sibekwa ngamazwi. Ibali lakhe yindlela endafunda ngayo ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kum ine label. Mna, uCaroline Kosciusko, ndahlaselwa ngokwesondo.

Ndajoyina i-NSO kamva kuloo nyaka kuba yayiliqela elihle kakhulu labantu, kwaye ndifuna ukwabelana ngebali lam. Umqeqeshi wam wokuqubha wayekuthiyile ukuqubha kwam kuba esithi kuyakuthatha ixesha ukuqubha, kodwa ndaziva ndibambisene neli qela labantu endandingazange ndilive ngaphambili, nditsho nasequleni. Ndandiqala ngqa ukubhala phantsi into endehleleyo-bendifuna ukuxelela umntu omtsha ofikayo naye okhe waxhatshazwa ngokwesondo. Ndifuna ukuba bazi ukuba ababodwa, kwaye yayingelo tyala labo. Bendifuna bazi ukuba abanto yanto. Ndandifuna ukunceda abanye baqalise ukufumana uxolo.

Kodwa andizange ndabelana ngayo. Ngoba? Kuba ndandisoyika ukuba ihlabathi liza kundibona njani. Ndandikade ndisaziwa njengendadi eyonwabileyo, encokolayo, enethemba ethanda ukwenza abantu bancume. Ndayigcina le nto kuyo yonke into, kwaye akukho namnye owakha wazi xa ndandisokola nento emnyama. Bendingafuni ukuba abo bandaziyo bandibone ngequbuliso njengexhoba. Bendingafuni abantu bandijonge ngovelwano endaweni yovuyo. Bendingekayilungeli lonto, kodwa ngoku.

Amaxhoba ohlaselo ngokwesondo afanele azi ukuba eyona nto inzima kukuba ekugqibeleni athethe ngayo. Awunakho ukuqikelela ukuba abantu bazakuphendula njani, kwaye iimpendulo ozifumanayo aziyonto ungayilungiselela. Kodwa ndiza kukuxelela oku: Kuthatha kuphela imizuzwana engama-30 yesibindi esicocekileyo, nesibindi sokutshintsha ubomi bakho bube ngcono. Ukuqala kwam ukuxelela umntu, yayingenguye indlela endandiyilindele ngayo, kodwa kwakusaziva kulungile ukwazi ukuba ayindim ndedwa owaziyo.

Xa ndandifunda ingxelo yexhoba likaBrock Turner ngenye imini, yandithumela emva kwi-roller coaster endiyikhweleyo xa ndisiva amabali anje. Ndiyacaphuka; hayi, ngumsindo, ondenza ndibe nexhala kwaye ndidandatheke emini. Ukuvuka ebhedini kuba ngumdlalo. Eli bali, ngakumbi, lindichaphazele, kuba ixhoba likaTurner alinalo ithuba lokufihla njengam. Ebetyhilekile ngeyona ndlela. Kwakufuneka eze ngaphambili azokulungisa konke oku enkundleni, ngeyona ndlela ihlaselayo. Wahlaselwa, watyholwa, wanyeliswa phambi kosapho, abathandekayo kunye nalowo wamhlaselayo. Kwaye emva kokuba konke kugqityiwe, le nkwenkwe ayizange ibone into ayenzileyo njengengalunganga. Akazange amcele uxolo. Ijaji yathatha icala layo.

Yiyo kanye le nto ndingakhange ndithethe ngezinto eziphazamisayo ezenzeke kum. Ndingathanda ukuba ndiyibhotile yonke into kunokuba umntu andenze ndizive ngathi ndiyifanele le nto, ukuba le yayiyimpazamo yam. Kodwa lixesha lokuba ndenze ukhetho olunzima, ukhetho olufanelekileyo, kwaye ndibe lilizwi kwabo basoyikayo ukuthetha. Le yinto endenze ndanguye, kodwa ayandophula. Ndingumfazi onzima, owonwabileyo, ovuyayo, ongayekiyo, oqhutywa, nothandekayo endinaye namhlanje ngenxa yeli dabi bendililwela ndedwa. Kodwa ndikulungele ukuba oku kungabi ngumlo wam nje, kwaye ndikulungele ukunceda amanye amaxhoba alwe.

Ndiyayithiya into yokuba u-Brock Turner "edade" enamathele kwigama lakhe kuwo onke amanqaku. Ndiyayicaphukela into ayenzileyo. Ndiyayicaphukela into yokuba ixhoba lakhe ngekhe liphinde likwazi ukubukela iiOlimpiki ngebhongo ngelizwe lalo ngenxa yento ethethwa ligama elithi "indadi enethemba leOlimpiki" kuye. Ndiyakucaphukela ukuba ukudada konakele kuye. Kuba yeyona nto indisindisileyo.

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