Andazi Ukuba Ndifuna ukuthatha iGama loMyeni wam

Umxholo

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Kwiinyanga nje ezintathu ezimfutshane, u-I-Liz Hohenadel-anokuthi ayeke ukubakho.

Oko kuvakala ngathi sisiqalo sentetho elandelayo yentsha ye-dystopian, kodwa ndiba nje kancinci. Iinyanga ezintathu aziphawuli ubhubhani wevampire okanye ukuqala kwe Imidlalo yokulamba, kodwa isiganeko esinemilinganiselo elinganayo: umtshato wam. Emva kwelo xesha ndiza kunyanzelwa ukuba ndithathe isigqibo esikhulu esinokubangela okanye esingabangeli isazisi sam, njengoko bendisazi ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, ukuba siphele. I-conundrum yam: Ngaba ndifanele ndigcine igama lam lobuntombi, Hohenadel? Okanye ngaba kufuneka ndithathe igama lomyeni wam, uScott? (Kukho ukhetho lwesithathu lwe-hyphenating, kodwa oko bekusoloko kuphuma etafileni kuthi-i-Hohenadel yi-twister-twister njengoko injalo!)

Ke ngoku kulele umzabalazo wam. Ukuza kweminyaka yobudala kwi "Girl Power" yexesha eliphakathi kwe-'90s, bendisoloko ndicinga ukuba ndiza kugcina igama lam lokugqibela-ngokobuqu nangobuchwephesha-emva komtshato. Kutheni ndingafuni? Ndingumntu wabasetyhini, emva koko. Ndinikele ngoCwangciso loMzali. Ndivotele uHillary Clinton. Ndifundile (uninzi lwazo) Ngqiyama kwi! Ndingalithatha njani igama lomyeni wam ndize ndizilungelelanise nesithethe esingene nzulu kubunini boosolusapho?

Kodwa ke, ngamanye amaxesha, ndiyema kwaye ndicinge: ndingathini?

Kwiphepha kuyacaca. Iimbono zobufazi ecaleni, isigqibo sokugcina igama lam lobuntombi sibonakala silula. Ndivile ukuba ii-bureaucracies zotshintsho lwamagama asemthethweni ziyintlungu enkulu. Ndiphethe ilayisensi yokuqhuba ephelelwe lixesha phantse unyaka kuba bendonqena ukuzihlupha ngokuyihlaziya, ke andazi ukuba ndinamandla na okujongana nawo onke amaphepha kunye nered tape. Ngaphezulu, yonke into endiyenzileyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ukufumana umvuzo wam, ukuqala kwam ikhondo lomsebenzi, kunye nokusayina isivumelwano soqeshiso kwigumbi lam lokuqala lokukhula-konke kwenziwe njengeHohenadel. Kwaye, okona kubaluleke kakhulu, ngamazwi kaMarlo Stanfield omkhulu, oyikisayo nangona wayeyinkosi yeziyobisi eyintsomi evela kwi-HBO's Ucingo: "Igama lam ligama lam!" Ndiyathetha, ewe, ubhekisa kubunzima bomdlalo weziyobisi waseBaltimore ngelixa ndicinga ngakumbi kwimigca yokutshintsha isiphatho sam se-Twitter (oh shit, kungafuneka nditshintshe isiphatho sam se-Twitter!), Kodwa ndifumana apho avela khona ; Ubunikazi bethu buhlanganiswe ngamagama ethu kwaye ukutshintsha kwam kuvakalelwa ngathi kukungcatsha kwam. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuba noScott njengefani kuya kuba lula ukupela (kwaye kumnandi kangakanani uqweqwe olungaphezulu Ngaba uElizabeth Scott uyavakala?) kodwa ngaba kufanelekile ukuba ndilahla isazisi sam kwidilesi emfutshane ye-Gmail? Akuthandabuzeki.

Ndandicinga ukuba ndifikelele kwisigqibo. Ndaye ndabona isitya.

KwiKrisimesi ephelileyo, umzala wam otshatileyo kunye nenkosikazi yakhe bafika endlwini yethu bephethe ukongeza kwisidlo sosapho, isaladi yequinoa kwisitya esikhulu esimhlophe esifakwe amagama athi "I-Hohenadels" eqaqambileyo, ebomvu. Kwaye nangona ndingazange ndibenayo into eyicwangcisiweyo ebomini bam bonke, ukubona kwamagama ekwabelwana ngawo-ukuba nesibindi, kucacile ukuba "siyintsapho" -yandibetha. Ndifuna into emelwe sisitya: iipotiki, iipikniki, abantwana, usapho.

Into yokuba ndingayeki ukucinga ngesitya yandothusa kwaphela. Bendihlala ndicinga ngalo lonke igama lokutshintsha ishishini ngokwento elahlekileyo, endaweni yokufumana. Oko kuthatha igama lomyeni wakho kuthetha ukunikezela ubuqu bakho, ube ngumntu (shudder) Nksk. Kodwa eso sitya sityhile enye indlela yokujonga amagama; hayi “njengowakhe” no “wakhe” okanye “owam” no “wakho” kodwa “njengowethu,” njengegama lentsapho.

Ndiyazi ukuba isitya sisisitya nje kwaye igama ekwabelwana ngalo aliqinisekisi usapho olonwabileyo, kodwa ndiyayithanda into yokudibana emele oko. Kwaye xa ndijonga ezam izizathu zokutshata, enye yezinto ekhokelayo lelo luluvo lokuba yunithi. Uninzi lweempikiswano ezijikeleze esi sigqibo zendele kwiingcinga ezizezinye, ukanti inqaku elipheleleyo lomtshato kukuba ayisosenzo sodwa. Nokuba ndiyathanda okanye andithandi, ukutshata umntu kuyabutshintsha ubuwena. Andizukuphinda ndidlale ndedwa. Umtshato ngumdlalo weqela. Kwaye ndicinga ukuba ndingafuna ukuba iqela lam libe negama elifanayo.

Eli nqaku lavela okokuqala ngokudada kwaye laphinda lashicilelwa apha ngemvume.

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