Kutheni le nto Isizungu Siphakamile Phambi kweminyaka yethu yama-30?

Umxholo

• Ubulolo bukhula emva kwekholeji
• Ke, ngaba isizungu sibangelwa kukoyika ukusilela?
• Nangona kunjalo inyani kukuba, uninzi lwethu sele luyayazi indlela yokuba nesithukuthezi
• Ewe, ukuqala, sikhula kwimidiya yoluntu
• Ungawophula njani umjikelo

Kungenzeka ukuba ukwesaba ukungaphumeleli-kungekhona imidiya yoluntu - yimbangela yesizungu.

Kwiminyaka emithandathu eyadlulayo, uNaresh Vissa wayeneminyaka engama-20 kwaye elilolo.

Wayesandul ’ukugqiba ikholeji kwaye wayezihlalela okokuqala kwigumbi lokulala elinye, kunqabile ukuba alishiye.

Njengamanye amaxesha angama-20, i-Vissa yayingatshatanga. Wayesitya, elala, kwaye esebenza ekhaya.

"Ndiza kujonga ngefestile yam eBaltimore's Harbour East kwaye ndibone abanye abantu abakwi- [yabo] yama-20s behamba, behamba ngemihla, kwaye bonwabile, utshilo uVissa. "Into ebendinokuyenza kukuvala iimfama, ukucima izibane zam, nokubukela iziqendu ze'The Wire. '”

Usenokuba waziva engoyena mntu ulilolo kwisizukulwana sakhe, kodwa uVissa akayedwa xa elilolo.

Ubulolo bukhula emva kwekholeji

Ngokuchasene nenkolelo edumileyo yokuba ujikelezwe ngabahlobo, amatheko, kunye nokonwaba kwi-20s kunye ne-30s yakho, ixesha emva kwekholeji lelona xesha xa isithukuthezi siphakama.

Uphononongo luka-2016 olupapashwe kwiPsychology yoPhuculo lufumanise ukuba, kubantu besini esinye, isizungu sinyuka ngaphambi nje kweminyaka engama-30.

Ngo-2017, iKhomishini ka-Jo Cox Loneliness (iphulo lesiNgesi elijolise ekuboniseni ingxaki efihlakeleyo yesizungu) yenze uphando malunga nesizungu kunye namadoda ase-UK kwaye yafumanisa ukuba i-35 yeyona minyaka bodwa, kwaye iipesenti ezili-11 bathi Ndedwa mihla le.

Kodwa eli ayiloxesha lokuba uninzi lwethu, njengabantwana, siphuphe ngokuchuma? Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, imibukiso efana ne "Ntombazana eNtsha," kunye no "Abahlobo" kunye no "Will & Grace" khange babonakalise ukuba phakathi kwe20 kunye ne30s njengesizungu.

Sinokuba neengxaki zemali, iingxaki zomsebenzi, kunye nezikhubekiso zothando, kodwa isithukuthezi? Oko bekufanele ukuba kupheliswe kwakamsinya nje emva kokuba sizenzele ngokwethu.

Izazi ngezentlalontle kudala ziqwalasele iimeko ezintathu ezibalulekileyo ekwenziweni kwabahlobo: ukusondela, ukuphindaphinda kunye nokunxibelelana okungacwangciswanga, kunye noseto olukhuthaza abantu ukuba bayeke ukulinda. Ezi meko zibonakala zingaphantsi rhoqo ebomini emva kokuba iintsuku zakho zegumbi lokulala ziphelile.

"Zininzi iintsomi malunga nokuba yintoni iminyaka engama-20," utshilo uTess Brigham, ugqirha onelayisensi waseSan Francisco ogxile ekunyangeni abantu abadala nakwimillennial.

"Uninzi lwabathengi bam bacinga ukuba kufuneka babe nomsebenzi oncomekayo, batshate - okanye ubuncinci bazibandakanye - kwaye babe nobomi obumangalisayo entlalweni ngaphambi kokuba babe neminyaka engama-30 okanye basilele ngandlela thile," wongeza uBrigham.

Kuninzi ukuthatha, ngakumbi konke ngaxeshanye.

Ke, ngaba isizungu sibangelwa kukoyika ukusilela?

Okanye mhlawumbi imbonakalo yenkcubeko yenza nje ukuba kubonakale ngathi nguwe wedwa osilelayo, ethi yona ikwenze uzive ushiyekile kwaye ulilolo.

"Ukuba wongeza kwimithombo yeendaba zentlalo, obubomi bomntu wonke obugqamisa i-reel, yenza abantu abaninzi abancinci bazive bebodwa kwaye belahlekile," utshilo uBrigham.

"Ngelixa le minyaka ingama-20 izele bubumnandi kunye nemincili, ikwalixesha lobomi bakho apho uzimisele khona ukuba ungubani kwaye ufuna ukuphila ubomi obunjani."

Ukuba wonke umntu-kwaye inganguye wonke umntu kwimidiya yoluntu, kubandakanya abachaphazeli kunye nabantu abadumileyo- kubonakala ngathi baphila ubomi obungcono kunawe, kunokukhokelela ekubeni ukholelwe ukuba sowusilele. Unokuziva unomdla wokurhoxa nangakumbi.

Kodwa ukongeza kumcimbi kukuba asitshintshi indlela esenza ngayo abahlobo emva kwekholeji. Ngexesha lokufunda kwakho, ubomi bunokuthelekiswa nokuhlala kwiseti "yabahlobo." Ungangena kwaye uphume kumagumbi akho okulala ngaphandle kokungqongqoza.

Ngoku, nabahlobo abasasazeke esixekweni kwaye wonke umntu ozama ukuzenzela indlela yakhe, ukwenza abahlobo kuye kwaba nzima kwaye kunzima.

UBrigham uthi: "Abantu abaninzi abaselula abakaze basebenze ekwakheni ubuhlobo," utshilo. "Ngokwakha ukwakha uluntu lwabantu abakuxhasayo kunye nokwenza abahlobo abongeza into ebomini babo kuya kunceda kwisizungu."

Izazi ngezentlalontle kudala ziqwalasele iimeko ezintathu ezibalulekileyo ekwenziweni kwabahlobo: ukusondela, ukuphinda-phinda nokungasebenzisani okungacwangciswanga, kunye noseto olukhuthaza abantu ukuba bayeke ukulinda. Ezi meko zibonakala zingaphantsi rhoqo ebomini emva kokuba iintsuku zakho zegumbi lokulala ziphelile.

“INetflix iyaqinisekisa ukuba akufuneki ukuba balinde isiqendu esilandelayo kwiveki ezayo; i-Intanethi ekhawulezayo kwiifowuni zabo ibanika lonke ulwazi lwehlabathi ixesha lokulinda kwimizuzwana emi-5; kwaye xa kufikwa kubudlelwane, banikwe imodeli yokutshintshela kulwakhiwo lobudlelwane. " - UMark Wildes

UAlisha Powell, unontlalontle oneminyaka engama-28 ubudala eWashington, DC, uthi ulilolo. Kuba akekho eofisini, kunzima kuye ukudibana nabantu.

"Ndinolu langazelelo lukhulu lokuba ndithethe into komnye umntu," utshilo uPowell. “Ndifumanise ukuba ngelixa ndinokufumana usizi kunye neziganeko ezingathandekiyo ndedwa kuba ndiyilindele, awona mzuzu ndedwa ndiba nawo xa ndonwabile. Ndifuna umntu ondikhathaleleyo ukuba abhiyoze nam, kodwa zange abekho kwaye zange abekho. ”

UPowell uthi ngenxa yokuba akabulandeli ubomi bokusebenza isithoba ukuya kwisihlanu, ukutshata, nokuba neentsana - ezizizo zonke iindlela zokwakha uluntu - unengxaki yokufumana abantu abamqonda nzulu kwaye bamfumane. Akakafumani bantu.

Nangona kunjalo inyani kukuba, uninzi lwethu sele luyayazi indlela yokuba nesithukuthezi

Izifundo bezisibhombela malunga nokuqhawulwa konxibelelwano; iimpapasho bezisithi masibhale kwijenali yombulelo; kwaye ingcebiso esemgangathweni ilula ngokugqithileyo: phuma uye kudibana nabantu buqu kunokuyigcina kwisicatshulwa okanye, njengesiqhelo ngoku, i-Instagram DM.

Siyayifumana.

Ke kutheni singenzi njalo? Kutheni, endaweni yoko, sisuka nje sixinezeleke malunga nesizungu?

Ewe, ukuqala, sikhula kwimidiya yoluntu

Ukusuka ku-Facebook kuthanda ukuya kwiTinder swipes, sinokuba sele sityale imali eninzi kwiPhupha laseMelika, sibangela ukuba ubuchopho bethu bube nzima kwiziphumo ezilungileyo kuphela.

UMark Wildes, umbhali wencwadi ethi "Beyond the Instant," incwadi ethetha ngokufumana ulonwabo kwihlabathi lamajelo eendaba akhawuleza athi, "Iqela leminyaka leminyaka likhule kunye neemfuno zabo zizalisekiswa ngokukhawuleza nangokukhawuleza."

“INetflix iyaqinisekisa ukuba akufuneki ukuba balinde isiqendu esilandelayo kwiveki ezayo; i-Intanethi ekhawulezayo kwiifowuni zabo ibanika lonke ulwazi lwehlabathi ixesha lokulinda kwimizuzwana emi-5, utshilo uWildes, "kwaye xa kuziwa kubudlelwane, banikwe imodeli yokutshintshela yokwakha ubudlelwane."

Ngokusisiseko, sikumjikelo okhohlakeleyo: siyoyika ukubekwa amabala ngenxa yokuba nesithukuthezi, ngenxa yoko sibuyele kuthi kwaye siziva sisodwa.

UCarla Manly, PhD, ugqirha wezengqondo eCarlifonia kunye nombhali wencwadi ezayo ethi "Joy over Fear," ugxininisa indlela enokuba mbi ngayo le mjikelo xa siwuyeka uqhubeke.

Ubulolo obunokubangela ukuba ube neentloni, kwaye woyike ukufikelela okanye uxelele abanye ukuba uziva ulilolo. UManly uthi: “Lo mjikelo wokuqhubeka uziqhubela phambili uyaqhubeka - kwaye uhlala ukhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezinamandla zokudakumba nokuzikhetha.

Ukuba sihlala sicinga ngobomi ngokubhekisele ekufumaneni le nto siyinqwenelayo ngexesha esibufunayo ngalo, kuyakusidanisa ngakumbi.

Isitshixo sokujongana nesithukuthezi sibuyele ekuyigcineni kulula - uyazi, loo ngcebiso imiselweyo sihlala siyiva amaxesha ngamaxesha: phuma uye wenze izinto.

Awungeva mva okanye ungalahlwa. Isenokoyikisa. Kodwa ngekhe wazi ngaphandle kokuba ubuze.

UBrigham uthi: "Akukho sisombululo sikhawulezileyo xa kuthethwa ngobulolo. "Ukuthatha amanyathelo kuthetha ukuba kuya kufuneka ungonwabi kangangexesha elithile."

Kuza kufuneka uphume wedwa okanye uye kumntu omtsha emsebenzini ubuze ukuba bafuna ukutya isidlo sasemini nawe. Banokuthi hayi, kodwa abanako. Umbono kukubona ukwaliwa njengenxalenye yenkqubo hayi isithintelo sendlela.

"Uninzi lwabathengi bam bayazicingela kwaye bahlalutye kwaye banexhala malunga nokuba kwenzeka ntoni xa befumana u" hayi "okanye babonakala ngathi bazizidenge," utshilo uBrigham. "Ukuze wakhe ukuzithemba kuwe, kufuneka uthathe amanyathelo kwaye ujonge ekuthatheni ithuba kwaye uzikhuphe (kulawulo lwakho) hayi kwisiphumo (esingaphandle kolawulo lwakho)."

Ungawophula njani umjikelo

Umbhali u-Kiki Schirr uzibekele usukelo kulo nyaka lwe-100 ukwala- kwaye waya kuyo yonke into awayeyifuna. Kwavela ukuba akanakufezekisa injongo yakhe ngenxa yokuba uninzi lwala ukwala kuguqulwe kwaba kukwamkelwa.

Ngokukwanjalo, nokuba ngaba bubuhlobo okanye iinjongo zobomi, ukubona ukwaliwa njengempumelelo yefom kunokuba yimpendulo yokoyisa uloyiko lwakho lokusilela.

Okanye, ukuba imithombo yeendaba kwezentlalo bubuthathaka bakho, kuthekani ukuba, endaweni yokungena kwi-FOMO (uloyiko lokulahleka), sizama ukutshintsha indlela esicinga ngayo ngamava abanye abantu? Mhlawumbi lixesha lokuthatha iJOMO (uvuyo lokulahleka) indlela endaweni yoko.

Singaziva sonwabile kwabo bonwabela ixesha labo endaweni yokunqwenela ukuba besikhona. Ukuba yiposti yomhlobo, bathumele umyalezo kwaye ubuze ukuba ungahamba na nabo kwixa elizayo.

Awungeva mva okanye ungalahlwa. Isenokoyikisa. Kodwa ngekhe wazi ngaphandle kokuba ubuze.

I-Vissa ekugqibeleni yaphuka kumjikelo wayo wokuba lilolo ngokumisela iinjongo ezilula: funda incwadi kube kanye ngenyanga; bukela imuvi yonke imihla; mamela iipodcast; bhala phantsi izicwangciso ezifanelekileyo zeshishini, imigca yokuthabatha, izihloko zencwadi-nantoni na epholileyo; umthambo; yeka ukusela; kwaye uyeke ukuxhoma nabantu ababi (oku kubandakanya ukungabaphumeleli kwi-Facebook).

UVissa waqala nokuthandana kwi-Intanethi, kwaye, ngelixa engatshatanga, wadibana nabasetyhini abanomdla.

Ngoku, unembono eyahlukileyo ngefestile yakhe.

"Nanini na xa ndiphantsi okanye ndidandathekile, ndiya etafileni yam yokutyela, ndijonge ngaphandle kwefestile ejonge ezantsi edolophini iBaltimore, kwaye ndiqale ukudlala nokucula u-Anna Kendrick 'weeNdebe,' utshilo uVissa. "Emva kokuba ndigqibile, ndijonga phezulu, ndilahle izandla zam emoyeni, ndize ndithi, 'Enkosi.'"

UDanielle Braff wayengumhleli wephephancwadi owayesakuba ngumhleli wephephancwadi wajika njengombhali ozimeleyo ophumelele amabhaso, egxile kwindlela yokuphila, ezempilo, ezeshishini, ezivenkileni, ukuba ngumzali kunye nokubhala ngokuhamba.