Ukugula ngengqondo ayisosizathu sokuziphatha gwenxa

Umxholo

• Imeko endiphila kuyo kwi-NYC icacise gca iindlela abantu abanokuthi basebenzise ukugula ngengqondo ukuphepha ukuphendula.
• Thina abahlangabezana nokugula ngengqondo kufuneka bazi iindlela apho iinzame zethu zokuhlangabezana nazo zinokuqhubela phambili neenkolelo ezinengxaki.
• Ezi zibali ziyasichaphazela, nathi, xa sizama ukufuna inkxaso ngexesha lokhathalelo lwethu, ngokusihlutha inkululeko yethu.
• Ukwazi ukuba singakwazi (ngenjongo okanye ngokungazi) ukusebenzisa izigulo zethu zengqondo ukunqanda uxanduva, kujongeka njani ukuba noxanduva?
• Ngale nto inamandla engqondweni, ukusebenza ngokukuko impilo yethu yengqondo kuthetha ukuzama ukulungiselela iingxaki zempilo yengqondo xa kunokwenzeka.
• Njengalo naluphi na uhlobo lokunxibelelana nabantu abahlukileyo kuthi, inqanaba lokulalanisa liyafuneka.

Ukugula ngengqondo akuphumi ngumphumo wezenzo zethu.

“Makhe ndicoce ndize ndikubonise indlela‘ ecoceke ’ngayo!”

Ngehlobo lasehlotyeni, xa ndafudukela eNew York ukuya kugqibezela uqeqesho, ndafaka indlu yokuhlala kunye nomfazi, uKatie, endadibana naye eCraigslist.

Ekuqaleni, yayigqibelele. Wahamba waya kusebenza iinyanga ezimbalwa, eshiya yonke indlu kum.

Ukuhlala ndedwa yayingamava amyoli. Iimpawu ezinxulumene ne-OCD endinazo ekwabelaneni nabanye indawo (Ngaba baya kuhlambuluka ngokwaneleyo? Ngaba baya kuba zicocekile ngokwaneleyo? Ngaba baya kuba zicocekile ngokwaneleyo?) Ayisiyiyo inkxalabo enkulu xa uwedwa.

Nangona kunjalo, ekubuyeni kwakhe, wajongana nam kunye nomhlobo endandinaye, ekhalaza ngelithi le ndawo “yayiyimfeketho”. (Kwakungekho?)

Ngaphakathi kwitreyini yakhe, wenza uhlaselo oluninzi: ukukhohlisa umhlobo wam kwaye esithi ndingcolile, phakathi kwezinye izinto.

Ukugqibela kwam ndamjongana nokuziphatha kwakhe, wazikhusela, esebenzisa isifo sakhe se-OCD njengesizathu.

Ayikuko ukuba andinakuyiqonda le meko. Ndizazi ngokwam ukuba ukumelana nokugula ngengqondo yenye yezona zinto zididayo, nezihlazisayo umntu anokuhamba nazo.

Izifo ezingalawulwayo ezinje ngoxinzelelo, unxunguphalo, ukuphazamiseka engqondweni kunye nezinye izifo zinokuphazamisa indlela esisabela ngayo, zisenze siziphathe ngeendlela ezingahambelaniyo neenqobo zethu okanye abalinganiswa bokwenyani.

Ngelishwa, ukugula ngengqondo akwenzi umphumo wezenzo zethu.

Abantu banakho kwaye basebenzise izakhono zokujamelana nokulawula impilo yabo yengqondo eqinisekisa ukwakheka kwengxaki, njengoko kufanelekile.

Ukugula ngengqondo akuyithetheleli i-transphobia yakho okanye ubuhlanga. Isigulo sengqondo asiyenzi misogyny yakho kunye nentiyo yabantu abangalunganga ilungile. Isigulo sengqondo asenzi ukuba ingxaki yakho yokuziphatha iziphendulele.

Imeko endiphila kuyo kwi-NYC icacise gca iindlela abantu abanokuthi basebenzise ukugula ngengqondo ukuphepha ukuphendula.

NgoKatie, ukungeniswa kwemizabalazo yakhe yempilo yengqondo kwincoko yayililinge labom lokususa uxanduva ngokuziphatha kwakhe.

Endaweni yokuphendula ekukhathazekeni, ekuhlazisweni, nasekoyikeni ndivakalise ukuphendula ukungxoliswa nguye - {textend} umfazi omhlophe ngokungacwangciswanga endandikhe ndadibana naye kwakanye ngaphambili - {textend} wazithethelela ngokuziphatha kwakhe ngobundlobongela ngokuxilongwa.

Inkcazo yakhe yokuziphatha kwakhe yayiqondakala- {textend} kodwa hayi yamkelekile.

Njengomntu ophethe i-OCD, ndinovelwano olukhulu ngesixa sokuxhalaba ekufuneka ukuba wayekuva. Xa wayesithi ndiyamchitha umzi wakhe, bendinokucinga nje ukuba ukuba nomnye umntu ongcolileyo indawo yena (kunye ne-OCD yakhe) ayenzileyo bekufanele ukuba kukuzonwabisa.

Nangona kunjalo, zonke iindlela zokuziphatha zineziphumo, ngakumbi ezo zichaphazela abanye abantu.

I-Transphobia ayivelileyo ngokungahambi kakuhle undwendwe lwam, ngokuchasene noBumnyama waphinda waphinda wenza i-tropes zokungcola kwam okucingelwayo, ubungangamsha obumhlophe obamnika amandla okuthetha nam, kunye nokuzama kwakhe ukusombulula isisombululo sam sempixano ngezinyembezi zakhe - { Zonke ezi zineziphumo ezizezona ebenyanzelekile ukuba alwe nazo, ukugula ngengqondo okanye hayi.

Thina abahlangabezana nokugula ngengqondo kufuneka bazi iindlela apho iinzame zethu zokuhlangabezana nazo zinokuqhubela phambili neenkolelo ezinengxaki.

Phakathi kwengxaki endinayo yokutya, umzekelo, kuye kwafuneka ndilwe nendlela umnqweno wam wokunciphisa umzimba kwangaxeshanye unika amandla ngakumbi kwi-fatphobia. Bendibandakanyeka kwinkolelo yokuba kukho into "embi" malunga nemizimba emikhulu, ngaloo ndlela yenzakalisa abantu bobukhulu, nangona kunjalo bengaqondanga.

Ukuba umntu unexhala kwaye ubambe isipaji sakhe phambi komntu oMnyama, indlela abaxhalabile ngayo isabethelela inkolelo yokulwa nobuNtsundu - {textend} ulwaphulo-mthetho oluMnyama - {textend} nokuba iyakhuthazeka, ngokuyinxenye, ukuphazamiseka.

Oku kufuna ukuba sikhuthale malunga neenkolelo esizenzayo malunga nokugula kwengqondo uqobo, nathi.

Abantu abagula ngengqondo bahlala bepeyintwe njengabayingozi nabangalawulekiyo - {textend} sihlala sinxulunyaniswa nokungazinzi kunye nesiphithiphithi.

Ukuba siyalugcina olu stereotype - {textend} asiyiyo ekuziphatheni kwethu - {textend} sikwenza oko neziphumo ezibi.

Ngokudutyulwa kwabantu abaninzi kutshanje, umzekelo, isifundo “esiqhelekileyo” esasifundwayo yayikukuba kufuneka kwenziwe okungakumbi malunga nempilo yengqondo, ngokungathi ingunobangela wobundlobongela. Oku kuyigqitha eyona nto iyinyani yokuba abantu abagula ngengqondo kunokwenzeka ukuba babe ngamaxhoba, hayi abenzi bobubi.

Ukucebisa ukuba asinakho ukuzazi ngelixa sisebenza siphakamisa umbono wobuxoki wokuba ukugula ngengqondo kuyafana nokuziphatha okungenangqondo, okungaqhelekanga kunye nobundlobongela.

Lo uye ube ngumba omkhulu nangakumbi xa siqala ukubanga iindlela zobundlobongela njenge imeko endaweni yokuzikhethela.

Ukukholelwa ekubeni ukungaziphathi kakuhle kulungile ngenxa yokugula ngengqondo kuthetha ukuba abantu abanobundlobongela ngokwenene "bayagula" kwaye ke abanakubekwa tyala ngokuziphatha kwabo.

UDylann Roof, indoda eyabulala abantu abaNtsundu ngenxa yokuba ingumntu omkhulu omhlophe, yayingeyiyo ingxelo ebisasazeke ngokubanzi. Endaweni yoko, wayehlala ejongwa ngovelwano, echazwa njengomfana owayeneengxaki zengqondo kwaye engakwazi ukulawula izenzo zakhe.

Ezi zibali ziyasichaphazela, nathi, xa sizama ukufuna inkxaso ngexesha lokhathalelo lwethu, ngokusihlutha inkululeko yethu.

Ukucebisa ukuba abantu abagula ngengqondo abalawulwa zizenzo zabo kwaye abanakuthenjwa kuthetha ukuba abantu abakwizikhundla zamandla banelungelo lokuxhatshazwa.

Khawufane ucinge ukuba sipeyintwe njengobunobundlobongela obungenasisa bokudubula kwaye asinakuzibamba ngokwaneleyo ukuze sizilawule.

Bangaphi (ngaphezulu) bethu abanokuphela bekwimeko yengqondo bengafuni? Bangaphi (ngakumbi) bethu abaza kubulawa ngamapolisa abujonga ubukho bethu njengobungozi, ngakumbi abantu abaMnyama?

Singakanani (ngakumbi) esinokuthi sihluthe isidima xa sifuna nje inkxaso kunye nezixhobo kwimpilo-ntle yethu? Bangaphi (ngakumbi) oogqirha abazithobayo abanokucinga ukuba ngekhe sazi eyona nto ilungele thina?

Ukwazi ukuba singakwazi (ngenjongo okanye ngokungazi) ukusebenzisa izigulo zethu zengqondo ukunqanda uxanduva, kujongeka njani ukuba noxanduva?

Amaxesha amaninzi, inyathelo lokuqala lokwenza ulungiso kukuvuma ukuba nokuba zintsonkothe ​​kangakanani izifo zethu zengqondo, asikhululwanga ekubeni sibenoxanduva kwaye sisenokwenzakalisa abantu.

Ewe, i-OCD kaKatie yayithetha ukuba unokuba nomsindo ngakumbi kunomntu ophakathi ngokubona umntu wasemzini kwisithuba sakhe.

Nangona kunjalo, wandenzakalisa. Sisenokwenzakalisana - {textend} Nokuba izigulo zethu zengqondo ziqhuba indlela esiziphatha ngayo. Kwaye loo monakalo uyinyani kwaye isabalulekile.

Ngokuvuma oko kuza nentumekelelo yokulungisa ukungalunganga.

Ukuba siyazi ukuba senzakalise omnye umntu, senza njani thina dibana kubo baphi na apho baya kulungisa khona iimpazamo zethu? Yintoni abayifunayo ukuze bazive ngathi siyaziqonda iziphumo zezenzo zethu, ukwazi ukuba sithatha iimvakalelo zabo ngokungathí sina?

Ukuzama ukubeka phambili iimfuno zabanye kubalulekile kwinkqubo yoxolelo, nakwisiqhwithi sobuqu esinokulawula isigulo sengqondo.

Enye indlela yokuphendula kukuphendula ngokubonakalayo kwiinkxalabo zempilo yengqondo, ngakumbi ezo zinokuchaphazela kakubi abanye.

Isigulo sengqondo asikokuchaphazela umntu omnye, kodwa sihlala sichaphazela iiyunithi, nokuba lolusapho lwakho, izihlobo, indawo yokusebenza, okanye amanye amaqela.

Ngale nto inamandla engqondweni, ukusebenza ngokukuko impilo yethu yengqondo kuthetha ukuzama ukulungiselela iingxaki zempilo yengqondo xa kunokwenzeka.

Kum, ndiyazi ukuba ukuphinda ndibuyele ekuphazameni kwindlela enditya ngayo bekungayi kuba buhlungu kakhulu kum, kodwa kuya kuphazamisa izangqa ezahlukeneyo endisebenza kuzo. Oko kuya kuthetha ukungaphenduli kusapho lwam, ukuzahlula nokuba nenkohlakalo kubahlobo bam, kulahleka isixa somsebenzi, phakathi kwezinye iimeko.

Ukusebenza kwiimfuno zempilo yam yengqondo (ukugcina oko kufikeleleka kum engqondweni) kuthetha ukutshintsha impilo yam yeemvakalelo ukunqanda ukusilela okuncinci ekuguqukeni kube ziziganeko ezimbi.

Nangona kunjalo, ukuseka inkcubeko yokhathalelo yindlela yeendlela ezimbini.

Ngelixa izifo zethu zengqondo zingesosizathu sokwenzakalisa abantu, abantu esidibana nabo kufuneka baqonde ukuba ukungafani kwengqondo kwezifo zengqondo akunakulunga kwimigangatho esekwe ekuhlaleni.

Kubantu abangena nabaphuma ebomini bethu, banoxanduva kuthi lokuqonda ukuba isigulo sethu sengqondo sinokuthetha ukuba siphila ubomi obahlukileyo. Singabanazo izakhono zokumelana- {textend} stimming, ukuthatha ixesha lodwa, ukusebenzisa kakhulu isicoci sezandla - {textend} ezinokubonakala ngathi zibeka kude okanye zibekrwada.

Njengalo naluphi na uhlobo lokunxibelelana nabantu abahlukileyo kuthi, inqanaba lokulalanisa liyafuneka.

Ewe kunjalo, hayi ukulungelelanisa amaxabiso, imida, okanye ezinye izinto eziyimfuneko- {textend} kodwa endaweni yoko ulungelelwaniso malunga "nentuthuzelo."

Umzekelo, kumxhasi womntu onesifo sokudakumba, umda oqinileyo onokuba nawo awuthathi nxaxheba kunyango ngexesha lesixinzelelo.

Nangona kunjalo, intuthuzelo ekunokufuneka uyonakalise ihlala ikhetha imisebenzi yamandla aphezulu yokwenza kunye.

Ngelixa unokuzikhetha, intuthuzelo yakho inokufuna ukuphazanyiswa ukuze uxhase kwaye uqaphele impilo yengqondo yomhlobo wakho.

Ukugula ngokugula ngengqondo kuhlala kuphazamisa iarhente. Kodwa ukuba kukho nantoni na, oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka sibe nobuchule ngakumbi emsebenzini wokulungisa - {textend} hayi ngaphantsi.

Ngenxa yokuba iingcinga ziguquka ngokukhawuleza zibe ziimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zikhokelela ekuziphatheni, izenzo zethu zihlala zikhokelwa sisisu kunye nokuphendula kwentliziyo kwilizwe elisingqongileyo.

Nangona kunjalo, njengaye nawuphi na umntu, kusafuneka sizibambe kwaye siphendulisane ngokuziphatha kwethu kunye neziphumo zazo, nokuba ziyingozi ngabom.

Ukujamelana nokugula ngengqondo yinto enzima kakhulu. Kodwa ukuba izakhono zethu zokulwa nokuzisa iintlungu kunye nokubandezeleka kwabanye, ngoobani esinceda bona kodwa thina?

Kwilizwe apho ukugula ngengqondo kuqhubeka ukubala kunye nehlazo kwabanye, inkcubeko yokhathalelo phakathi kwendlela esihlala ngayo xa sihamba kwizifo zethu ibaluleke kakhulu kunakuqala.

UGloria Oladipo ngumfazi oMnyama kunye nombhali ozimeleyo, ecinga ngazo zonke izinto zobuhlanga, impilo yengqondo, isini, ubugcisa kunye nezinye izihloko. Unokufunda ngakumbi ngeengcinga zakhe ezihlekisayo kunye nezimvo zakhe ezinzulu Twitter.