Ndingomnye weminyaka eyi-Millennials engazibeki phambili ezesondo- Ayisiyonto imbi

Umxholo

• Ngaba ulwalamano lwethu alusebenzi? Ngokuqinisekileyo ayiziva injalo
• Ayinguye wonke umntu ofuna okanye nkqu ufuna ukulala ngesondo-kwaye oko kulungile
• Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, khumbula ukuba awophukanga, kwaye ubudlelwane bakho abunakuphela
• Ke iwaka leminyaka, akukho sidingo sokurhoxa kubomi obungenasondo, obonwabisayo

Ndiyayikhaba ngaw 'omane imbono yokuba ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo, akukho buhlobo bokwenyani.

Ukuvuma izono: Ngokunyanisekileyo andinakukhumbula okokugqibela ndalala ngesondo.

Kodwa kubonakala ngathi andindedwa kule nto, nokuba- izifundo zamva nje zibonisile ukuba i-millennials, xa iyonke, eneneni iba neentlobano zesini ezingaphantsi kwezizukulwana ezidlulileyo. Ngokukodwa, inani labantu abaxela ukungabinamaqabane ezesondo emva kweminyaka eyi-18 liphindaphindwe nge-millennials kunye ne-iGen (iipesenti ezili-15), xa kuthelekiswa neGenX (iipesenti ezi-6).

Kutshanje iAtlantic ihlanganise le “ngxaki yokwehla kwezesondo,” icebisa ukuba oku kwehla ngokwamanani okuxelwa komzimba kunganempembelelo kulonwabo lwethu.

Kuya kufuneka ndizibuze, nangona: Ngaba sisengxamile nje xa sivakalisa ialam?

Umbuzo awuyiyo ‘Ngaba uyabelana ngesondo okanye awukho?’ Umbuzo ngulo ‘Ngaba wonke umntu ubandakanyekile kubudlelwane obonwabisayo nenani lokwabelana ngesondo ngalo?’ Iimfuno zethu ngabantu.

-Gqirha Melissa Fabello

Yimbono ekudala ibanjiwe ukuba isini yintsika ephambili yezempilo kunye nempilo yengqondo, ethethwa ngayo ngokwemigaqo efanayo nento ebalulekileyo-njengokutya kunye nokulala.

Kodwa ngaba luthelekiso olufanelekileyo ukwenza? Ngaba sinokuba nobudlelwane obusempilweni, obuzalisekisayo (kunye nobomi, kuloo nto) ngaphandle kwesondo, okanye kuncinci kakhulu?

"Ewe. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ewe, ewe, ”utshilo uGqirha Melissa Fabello, ugqirha wezesondo kunye nophando ngezesondo. "Umbuzo awuyiyo 'Ngaba uyabelana ngesondo okanye awukho?' Umbuzo ngulo 'Ngaba wonke umntu uzibandakanya nobudlelwane obonwabisayo nenani lesini abenaso?' Iimfuno zethu ngabantu."

Kwiqela elikhulayo labantu abakhetha ukungabelani ngesondo, umbono kaGqirha Fabello apha unokuphinda uvele. Njengenxalenye yelo qela lewaka leminyaka ababeka phambili ubomi babo ngokwahlukileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo iyandenzela.

Umlingane wam kunye nam sinezizathu ezizodwa zokungenzi ngesondo kubalulekile kubudlelwane bethu - ukukhubazeka kwabo kwenza ukuba kubebuhlungu kwaye kuyadinisa, kwaye eyam i-libido ayikho phezulu ngokwaneleyo ukuyenza ibe mnandi njengezinye izinto ezinentsingiselo ebomini bam.

Ndiyayikhaba ngaw 'omane imbono yokuba ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo, akukho buhlobo bokwenyani.

Xa ndiqala ukulala ngesondo, ndiqinisekile ukuba kukho into engalunganga kum. Kodwa emva kokuthetha nonyango, wandibuza umbuzo obalulekileyo: Ngaba ndide ndifuna ukuba neentlobano zesini?

Ngokuqwalaselwa okuthile kuye kwacaca kum ukuba ibingabalulekanga ngokukodwa kum.

Kwaye kwavela, yayingeyiyo yonke into ebalulekileyo kwiqabane lam, nokuba.

Ngaba ulwalamano lwethu alusebenzi? Ngokuqinisekileyo ayiziva injalo

Sihleli kunye ngolonwabo iminyaka esixhenxe, uninzi lwayo olungakhange lubandakanyeke kwisondo.

Ndiye ndabuzwa, "Yintoni inqaku, ke?" ngokungathi ubudlelwane zizivumelwano nje zesondo- indlela yokufikelela. Abanye bathi, "Nidla ngokuhlala nabanye abantu!"

Ndiyayikhaba ngaw 'omane imbono yokuba ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo, akukho buhlobo bokwenyani.

Sihlala kwigumbi elinye kunye nebhedi, sikhulisa abantwana bobabini kunye, sibambene kwaye sibukele umabonwakude, sinika igxalaba lokulila, sipheke isidlo sangokuhlwa, sabelane ngeengcinga zethu ezinzulu kunye neemvakalelo zethu, kunye nemozulu yamahla ndenyuka obomi kunye.

Ndandikho ukubabamba xa bafunda ukuba utata wabo usweleke ngumhlaza. Babekhona xa ndandichacha kutyando, bendinceda ukutshintsha amabhandeji kunye nokuhlamba iinwele zam. Andizukubiza olo lwalamano "luswele ulwalamano."

“Umbono kukuba asinakukwazi ukuthandana okanye sikhulise abantwana ngaphandle kwe [cisgender, heterosexual] sex. Ngokusengqiqweni, siyazi ukuba ayinakuba kude nenyaniso. Umbuzo ngowokuba kutheni siqhubeka nokwenza ngathi kunjalo. ”

-Gqirha Melissa Fabello

Ngamanye amagama, singamaqabane. "Ukwabelana ngesondo" akunjalo, kwaye akuzange kube njalo, imfuneko yokuba sakhe ubomi obunentsingiselo kunye nenkxaso kunye.

"Singabantu ngabanye abaneemfuno zethu kunye nenkululeko yokuzikhethela," utshilo uGqirha Fabello. "[Nangona kunjalo] ngokwentlalo, kusekho uxinzelelo lokuba abantu balandele indlela elula: ukutshata kwaye babe nabantwana."

“Umbono kukuba asinakukwazi ukuthandana okanye sikhulise abantwana ngaphandle kwe [cisgender, heterosexual] sex. Ngokusengqiqweni, siyazi ukuba oko akunakuba kude nenyaniso, "Ugqirha Fabello uqhubeka. "Umbuzo ngowokuba kutheni siqhubeka nokwenza ngathi kunjalo."

Mhlawumbi ingxaki yokwenyani, ke, ayisiyiyo indlela abantu abancinci ababelana ngayo ngesondo, kodwa ukuxabisa ngaphezulu kwezesondo kwasekuqaleni.

Ukucinga ukuba isondo yimfuneko yempilo- endaweni yokwenza into esempilweni ngokuzikhethela, enye yeendlela esinokukhetha kuzo-iphakamisa ukungasebenzi kakuhle apho kungenakubakho khona.

Beka enye indlela, unokufumana ivithamin C yakho kwiiorenji, kodwa akukho mfuneko. Ukuba ukhetha i-cantaloupe okanye isongezelelo, amandla amaninzi kuwe.

Ukuba ufuna ukwakha ukusondelelana, ukutshisa iikhalori, okanye uzive usondele kwiqabane lakho, isondo asiyiyo yodwa indlela (kwaye isenokungabi yeyona ndlela ilungileyo kuwe!).

Ayinguye wonke umntu ofuna okanye nkqu ufuna ukulala ngesondo-kwaye oko kulungile

"Inyaniso kukuba ukuqhuba ngesondo okuphantsi kuyinto eqhelekileyo," utshilo uGqirha Fabello. “Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba ukuqhuba ngesondo kutshintshe ikhondo lobomi bakho. Kuqhelekile ukuba yi-asexual. Ukungabi namdla kwisini akuyongxaki. ”

Kodwa uwazi njani umahluko phakathi kokungasebenzi ngokwesondo, ubungqingili, kunye nokukhetha ukungazibeki phambili?

Ugqirha Fabello uthi iqala ngokungena kunye nemeko yakho yeemvakalelo. "Ungu ukhathazekile ngayo? Ukuba ukhathazekile malunga nokuziphatha kwakho ngokwesondo okuphantsi (okanye ukusilela) ngenxa yokuba ikubangela uxinzelelo lobuqu, ke yinto ekufuneka ixhalabile kuba ikwenza ungonwabi, utshilo uGqirha Fabello.

Ngelixa ukungangqinelani ngokwesini kunokuba sisizathu esivakalayo sokuphelisa ubudlelwane, nditsho nobudlelwane neebidos ezingalinganiyo azidanga, nokuba kunjalo. Isenokuba lixesha lokulalanisa.

Kodwa mhlawumbi ufumanisa nje ukuba eminye imisebenzi iyanelisa. Mhlawumbi awukuthandi nokuba neentlobano zesini. Mhlawumbi uziva ungafuni kwenza ixesha layo ngoku.

Mhlawumbi wena okanye iqabane lakho li-asexual, okanye unesimo esinganyangekiyo okanye ukhubazeko olwenza ukuba ucelomngeni lube nzima kakhulu ukuba ungafaneleki. Mhlawumbi iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga ezivela kunyango olunzima okanye ukubuyela kwimeko yokugula ziye zenza ukuba isondo singathandeki, ubuncinci kangangexesha elithile.

“[Kwaye] lo mbuzo kufuneka uqwalaselwe ngaphandle kwe ubudlelwane bezempilo. Umbuzo awukho 'Ngaba iqabane lakho liyakhathazwa kukuswela kwakho ukuqhuba ngesondo?' Lo ngumahluko obalulekileyo, "uqhubeka.

Akukho nanye kwezo zinto eyothusayo ngokwemvelo, ukuba nje azichaphazeli ulwaneliseko lwakho.

Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, khumbula ukuba awophukanga, kwaye ubudlelwane bakho abunakuphela

Ukungabelani ngesondo lukhetho olufanelekileyo ekufuneka ulwenzile.

Ukusondelelana, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ngokuqinisekileyo akuphelelanga kwisini.

"Ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo, umzekelo, ukuba sesichengeni siziva sengozini nabo sibathandayo okanye sibathandayo, yindlela enamandla kakhulu yokusondela," utshilo uGqirha Fabello. "[Kukwakhona] 'nendlala yolusu,' echaza inqanaba lethu lomnqweno wokuthinta inkanuko, ngokufanayo nendlela ibinzana elithi 'ukuqhuba ngesondo' elisebenza ngayo ukuchaza inqanaba lethu lomnqweno wesini."

"Ukulamba kolusu kuhluthiswa kukuchukumisa okungachazwanga ngokucacileyo ngokwesondo- njengokubambana ngezandla, ukukhumbuzana nokuwolana," uqhubeke uGqirha Fabello. Kwaye olu hlobo lokwabelana ngesondo lunxulunyaniswa ne-oxytocin, ihomoni esenza sizive sikhuselekile kwaye sikhuselekile nabanye abantu. ”

Zombini ezi ziindlela ezifanelekileyo zokusondelelana, kwaye banokuba namanqanaba okubaluleka ahlukeneyo ngokuxhomekeke emntwini.

Ngelixa ukungangqinelani ngokwesini kunokuba sisizathu esivakalayo sokuphelisa ubudlelwane, nditsho nobudlelwane neebidos ezingalinganiyo azidanga, nokuba kunjalo. Isenokuba lixesha lokulalanisa.

“Ngaba amaqabane azimisele ukuba neentlobano zesini ezingaphezulu okanye ezingaphantsi ukufikelela kulonwabo olonwabisayo? Ngaba likhona ithuba lokuba umntu ongatshatanga abe neqabane elinye aneliseke? ” Ugqirha Fabello uyabuza.

Ke iwaka leminyaka, akukho sidingo sokurhoxa kubomi obungenasondo, obonwabisayo

Ukungabikho komnqweno wesondo akuyona ingxaki engokwemvelo, kodwa ukucinga ukuba isondo rhoqo siyimfuneko ukuze sonwabe ebomini ngokuqinisekileyo kunjalo.

Kukucingela, ugqirha Fabello uyaphawula, ukuba ekugqibeleni akuncedi. "Impilo yobudlelwane ininzi kakhulu malunga nokuba iimfuno zomntu wonke ziyafezekiswa na okanye hayi malunga nomthamo wokungakhathali wabantu abelana nabo ngesondo," utshilo.

Endaweni yokoyika malunga nokuba i-millennials iyaxakeka, kunokuba kufanelekile ukubuza ukuba kutheni sibeka ugxininiso olomeleleyo kwezesondo kwasekuqaleni. Ngaba sesona sixhobo sibalulekileyo sokusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuba sempilweni? Ukuba kunjalo, kusafuneka ndiqiniseke.

Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ukuhamba ngaphandle kwesondo kuyinxalenye yokuphuma kunye nokuhamba kwamava ethu obuntu?

Kubonakala ngathi siyithathe kancinci into yokuba ngokumisela abantu ukuba bakholelwe ukuba isini yinto ebalulekileyo ebomini, sikwabeka abantu ukuba bakholelwe ukuba abanasiphene kwaye baphukile ngaphandle kwayo - nto leyo enganiki amandla, ukutsho nje okuncinci.

Emehlweni kaGqirha Fabello, abukho ubungqina bokuba oku kwehla kuyothusa nokuba. Nanini na xa kukho ukuhla okukhulu okanye ukunyuka kwendlela, abantu bayakhathazeka. Kodwa akukho sizathu sokukhathazeka, utshilo uGqirha Fabello.

Wongeze ngelithi: "Ilizwe elineminyaka eliwaka lifunyenwe njengelifa lahluke kakhulu kunelo labazali babo. "Ewe, indlela abayihamba ngayo iya kujongeka yahlukile."

Ngamanye amagama, ukuba ayophukanga? Akunakubakho nto inokulungiswa.

USam Dylan Finch ungummeli okhokelayo kwi-LGBTQ + yezempilo yengqondo, efumene ukwamkelwa kwilizwe jikelele ngebhlog yakhe, Masithi Queer Things Up!, Eyaqala ukuba nentsholongwane ngo-2014. Isazisi se-transgender, ukukhubazeka, ezopolitiko kunye nomthetho, kunye nokunye okuninzi. Ukuzisa ubuchule bakhe obudibeneyo kwimpilo yoluntu nakwimidiya yedijithali, uSam ngoku usebenza njengomhleli wentlalontle eHealthline.