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Umxholo

• Ngubani umfana "olungile" kaBillie, kunjalo?
• Ukubonakaliswa kobudlelwane obuvulekileyo ngumlilo wokulahla ngokupheleleyo.
• Ukusebenza njenge-esile akukhona ukuxhotyiswa ngesondo. Yenza nje njenge-esile.
• Uphengululo lwe

Kwimeko apho ungevanga okwangoku (okanye ubone i-viral episode 3 ukusabela iividiyo kwiTikTok), uthotho olutsha lweNetflix, Isini / Ubomi, kutshanje ibe yingoma edlalwa ngoko nangoko. Inyaniso mayixelelwe, ndiyigqibe yonke into ngeentsuku ezimbini. Umboniso malunga nomntu obhinqileyo ongonwabanga kunye nothando ngesondo kunye nokuzonwabisa okuninzi? EWE!

Ndibonke ndilwela ukuxhotyiswa ngokwesondo kwabasetyhini, kwaye ndithandile ukubona ukuba zingaphi iinkqubo ezitsha ezibonise umnqweno wabasetyhini ngendlela enika abasetyhini i-arhente ngaphezulu kweemfuno zabo (ahem, UBridgerton, Zive ulungile, Grace & Frankie, kwaye Elula). Ngeendlela ezininzi, Isini / Ubomi yenza kanye loo nto. Inika uBillie (umboniso ophambili) ithuba lokuba abe ngumfazi owabelana ngesondo okonwabelayo ukuyifumana (intle kakhulu ngolunya, naye) ngaphambi kokuba abekho emtshatweni kunye "nendoda yamaphupha akhe" egqibeleleyo kunye nabantwana ababini.

Isilumkiso: Baninzi ababhuqi ngaphambili. Kodwa ukuba ubukele okwangoku Isini / Ubomi okanye ugqibile nje kwaye ushiywe njenge 🥴!?!?!! ke ngethemba lokuba oku kuya kunceda ukucacisa izinto. Kwaye ukuba awukajongi okwangoku, ke, ungafuna ukuqhubeka ufunda, nangona kunjalo: Ndicinga ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba uya kufuna ukwazi ezinye zezi zinto. ngaphambili uyayibukela. Unditsalile ngokukhawuleza okukhulu (yi-HOT kwaye kukho i-LOT yesondo), kodwa nayo yandishiya ndiziva ndidanile kwaye ndiphelelwe lithemba. Kwakukho okuninzi lo mboniso ulungile… kodwa bekukho okuninzi okuqinisiweyo. Awunakho ukufumana yonke into ngokuchanekileyo ngalo lonke ixesha, ndiyayifumana, kodwa indlela eboniswe ngayo iyelenqe laziva lingeyomfuneko kwaye libuyela umva kangangokuba andinakukwazi ukuzibamba ndicinga: Yintoni esihogweni endandiyibukele nje?

Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba lo mboniso usekwe kwincwadi- kwaye ayisiyiyo nayiphi na incwadi, kodwa imemo Izahluko ezingama-44 Malunga naMadoda ama-4 ngu-BB Easton (Yithenge, $ 14, amazon.com), okuthetha ukuba iyelenqe lomboniso lalicholwe komnye umntu obona bomi. Oko kwathethi, lo ngumboniso oqanjiweyo, awubonisi bomi bokwenyani, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayisiyonto ekufuneka uyilungiselele (njengoyolo njengoko imeko yesini ijongeka). Nasi isizathu.

Ngubani umfana "olungile" kaBillie, kunjalo?

Ndibeka "indoda yamaphupha ayo" (xa ndibhekisa kumyeni kaBillie uCooper) kwizicatshulwa ezingasentla kuba kukho uhlobo lokuzithoba kolu luvo - oluya kuthi lubonakale njengoko umboniso uqhubeka. U-Cooper uthembekile ngokunyanisekileyo, utata omkhulu, kwaye ngokusisiseko, yonke into uBrad (ex-Billie's ex) ayisiyiyo.

Ewe, i-Cooper ngokuqinisekileyo i "Guy Good." Ngapha koko, umboniso uphantse uhambe ngendlela yawo ukusikhumbuza rhoqo loo nto. Ufuna ukusindisa ihlabathi ngokutyala imali kwitekhnoloji yobuchule eya kusindisa ubomi babantu. Ubetha umhlobo wakhe asebenza naye ebusweni kwitheko lokwabelana ngesondo kuba ebetha umfazi wakhe, aze ke lo mcimbi awuse kumphathi wakhe nakuHR. UCooper "nguGuy olungileyo" kwaye uBrad uhlaziywe - nangona kungacaci ukuba iyinyani kangakanani le nto - "Inkwenkwe embi." Ukunyaniseka kwayo yonke le nto "Umyeni kunye neTyhefu Ex" kukuchaphazeleka kancinci kukuqengqeleka kwamehlo, i-IMO.

Kodwa ayisiyiyo eyona nto apha. Ingxaki yindlela uBillie awusingatha ngayo umnqweno wakhe ogqithileyo wesini kuBrad kunye nothando kunye nokuzinza kwakhe noCooper. Ngaba uyaziqinisekisa ukuba uCooper ufanelekile konke oku kuxinezeleka kwengqondo? Ngaba ngokwenene ngu "Lowo?" Asizange sinikwe ulwazi olwaneleyo kwiimvakalelo zakhe zokwenyani ukuze sifumane impendulo ethe ngqo kulo mbuzo. Ndiyarhana ukuba uyamthanda u-Cooper, kodwa ukhetha ukuveza uxinzelelo lwezesondo ngobomi babo obuphoxayo kwidayari endaweni yokumazisa. Kum, oku kuvakalelwa luhlobo lweWTF. (Idibeneyo: Ngaba Unokuyibhala Indlela Yakho Yokwenza Isondo Ngcono?)

Kubonakala ngathi uBillie uhlala elindele ukuba isithandwa sakhe sizalisekise iminqweno yakhe yesini kwi-T, ngaphandle kokuchaza into ayifunayo okanye ayifunayo.Ukwaxhomekeke kwikhemistri yesondo kwangoko ukugcina ubomi bakhe bezesondo buqhubeka-kodwa njengengcali yezesondo eqinisekisiweyo, ndinokuxelela ukuba oku akunakwenzeka kwizibini ezininzi. Uninzi lwezibini zine-chemistry ekhawulezileyo (yiyo loo nto inomdla wokuqala), kodwa loo chemistry inokuhamba ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ukwabelana ngesondo kuthatha umsebenzi kwaye kuya kuba ngcono ngokuhamba kwexesha (ngesiqhelo) okoko Zombini abantu bazimisele ukuyenza ngcono.

Ukwenza oku kudika ngakumbi, uBillie naye wayesendleleni eya kwi-Ph.D. kwi-psychology (kwaye ngoku une-degree master in psychology) ngaphambi kokuba adibane aze atshate noCooper. Uyingcali yezengqondo ngaphandle konyango lwayo. Ubhala inqaku kwi-Psychology Today malunga nokuthembela kunye nokhuseleko njengezona zinto zibalulekileyo kwi-orgasm yabasetyhini, kodwa ungaze ucinge, "Heyi, ngokwenene ndinobomi bezesondo obubuhlungu kunye nomyeni wam. Ndicinga ukuba kufuneka sibone umcebisi wesibini." Okanye, uthanda ukuthetha naye ngayo. Endaweni yoko, uyahamba, "Ndicinga ukuba andizukuyihoya le ngxaki ndize ndicaphukele umyeni wam ngonaphakade ngelixa ndiphupha ngabo bonke obo busuku bushushu nge-ex yam, uBrad."

Ugqirha wesibini ebenokubanceda ukuba basebenze ngeendlela zabo ezahlukeneyo zesini, ukungahambelani kwabo ngokwesondo, apho bebenokwenza utshintsho, kwaye abancede baqinisekise ukuzibophelela kwabo omnye komnye. Ugqirha wesibini ngewayebancedile ukuba baphole endaweni yokuvumela inzondo ukuba ikhule, ngendlela ethe chu ngayo kuBillie.

Ukubonakaliswa kobudlelwane obuvulekileyo ngumlilo wokulahla ngokupheleleyo.

Le ibonakala iyindawo umboniso ozama ukuyenza ngokuthembeka: Ngokwenyani awudingi ukukhetha phakathi komntu okunika yonke inkanuko kunye nomntu okuthembela. Ungabanakho bobabini: Kubizwa ngokuba ngumntu ongatshatanga nomntu omnye / ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo / i-polyamory. Nangona kunjalo, iyaqhubeka ukuya ku-f ck oku kuphawuleka ngokumangalisayo, yenze ukuba ulusu lwam lukhase.

I-Yay yokuxhotyiswa kwabasetyhini ngesondo, kodwa i-boo yokwenza ukungatshati nomntu ongathandani nomntu omnye kujongeka njengobudlelwane "obungaphantsi" kunobuhlobo, buqhutywa kuphela zizibini ezingonwabanga zizama nje ukuba "zanele."

Oku kundizisa kwindawo enye: Itheko lokwabelana ngesondo uBillie kunye noCooper bazimasa kunye nabahlobo babo (ababonakala benamaqhosha-up) isibini saseGreenwich, uTrina noDevon.

Jonga, abahlobo babo abatshatanga-ngokukodwa, kumtshato ovulekileyo. Baya kumatheko esini. Kulungile, kodwa uCooper noBillie abanalo ishishini lokuba kwitheko lesini. UBillie ufuna ukufumana isondo esimangalisayo kodwa ebesoloko esenza njalo kumxholo wobudlelwane bomntu omnye. Ngeli xesha, ubudlelwane bakhe bukwisiphithiphithi esipheleleyo. Amaqela ezesondo enzelwe izibini ezonwabileyo, ezikhuselekileyo, kunye nokuhlola ngokwesondo. Zenzelwe izibini ezifuna ukuphonononga ezesondo nabanye- hayi ezabo bafuna ukuzama ukubopha ingxaki phakathi kwabo.

Ekuphela kwento engalunganga eyenziwa nguTrina noDevon kukuzisa uBillie kunye noCooper kwiqela ngaphandle kokuchukumisa isiseko kwangaphambili. Oko kwathethi, ngekhe usoloko ulindele isibini esingahleliyo esiguqukayo sazi indlela yokuhamba kula manzi anzima. Abangabo abachwephesha ngokwesondo.

U-Cooper ufumana i-blowjob evela ku-Trina kuba kubonakala ngathi u-Trina ucinga ukuba oku kuya kubanceda baphumle ekuhambeni kwepati. UBillie uyothuka, nto leyo yindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela ukuba asiyo jam yakho le, kwaye awulilungiselelanga kwaphela itheko lokwabelana ngesondo. UDevon uzama ukubetha uBillie (kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo uyityhalela kude kakhulu, FTR). Emva koko u-Cooper uthuka uTrina (ecinga ukuba ulungile-ulungile, Cooper) kwaye ungena kumlo wokulwa no-Devon.

Mandicacelwe: uDevon noTrina ayingoba bebezibhanxa, uBillie noCooper bebezibhanxa. Umboniso uzama ukwenza u-Devon no-Trina bajongeke njenge-weirdos xa ngokwenene benza into eqhelekileyo eqhelekileyo eyenziwa ngamaqabane amaninzi.

Ngokufanelekileyo, uBillie kunye noCooper babekwindawo elungileyo, enempilo kubudlelwane babo apho babevuleleke khona ukuba babe neentlobano zesini nabanye abantu. Kuthatha ukuthembana okukhulu kunye nemida ukuya kwitheko lesini kwaye ungabinangxaki yokudakumba ngokweemvakalelo- sisiganeko esihlawuliswe kakhulu nesithathwa njengesiqhelo kuluntu. Ngokwenene oku kunokuba ngamava amahle ukuba iimeko zomtshato wabo bezomelele, hayi elunxwemeni lokuwa. Le yimpazamo eninzi eyenziwa zizibini ezitshatileyo: Bacinga ukuvula ubudlelwane kuya "kulungisa" imicimbi yabo, xa enyanisweni, inokuba (kwaye iya kubadibanisa), inokubangela ukwahlukana. (Jonga: Ungaba kanjani nobudlelwane obuPhilileyo bePolyamorous)

Into yokuba intetho ka-Cooper (kwisikolo sabantwana babo ngobusuku be-World Fair, hayi kancinci) malunga nendlela yena noBillie abame ngayo bomelele kwaye bathandana "iyakhuthaza" uDevon ukuba avale ubudlelwane bakhe noTrina iyangxama, ayisiyonto yokubhiyozela. Ukwabelana ngesondo kukaTrina kuyanqandwa ngenxa yokuba lo mboniso kunye nabalinganiswa bawo abaphambili batyhala ingcamango yokuba indoda nomfazi "ingcono" kunye nendlela abantu abanabantwana "kufuneka babe ngayo."

Enyanisweni, i-non-monogamy inokusebenza kwizibini ezinezimbo zobudlelwane eziqinileyo, ezingekho-monogamous kunye neenqobo eziphonononga iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuphonononga ngokwesondo ukuze kugcinwe abantu bobabini banelisekile kwaye bazalisekile - kodwa ngaphezulu koko kwisek.

Ukusebenza njenge-esile akukhona ukuxhotyiswa ngesondo. Yenza nje njenge-esile.

Mamela, amandla amantombazana, abafazi bafumana okwabo, ukuba neentlobano zesini ezimangalisayo, ukutsiba i-slut-shaming-le yimixholo endinokuyifumana ngasemva ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa asinakho ukubiza konke okwenziwa nguBillie "ukuxhotyiswa ngokwesondo."

Ubonisa emnyango wendlu yakhe yangaphambili (emva kokutsala ukuphela komdlalo wesikolo somntwana wakhe?!). Ilizwi lombalisi (onguBillie kulo lonke umboniso), uthetha ngolwimi oluxhotyisiweyo, olunemincili malunga "nokukufuna konke" kunye "nokukufuna ngoku." Uyavela, iingcango zelifti zivulekile kwaye uthi: "Le nto ayitshintshi nto. Andiyi kumshiya umyeni wam. Ngoku, fuck me."

Ixesha liphela.

Oko ababonisi (ekufuneka ndikholelwe, KUFANELEKILE) bezama ukuhambisa kukuba abafazi banako konke - i-180 yokwenyani, kuthathelwa ingqalelo yonke le nkqubo ichaza "uthando lokwenene" njengokutshata nomntu omnye nokuzibophelela ngokupheleleyo kumntu omnye .

Uqikelelo lwam? Ixesha lesi-2 liya kuba malunga noBillie noCooper bevula ubudlelwane babo. Ewe, ndiyakucaphukela ukwaphula oku kuwe - nceda uxolele zonke iicaps kuba ndicaphukile kakhulu: AKUKHO INDLELA YOKUVULA UBUDLELWANE OBUSEBENZAYO.

Awufumani ukubaleka nje kwaye ukhohlise umyeni wakho emva koko uvula ubudlelwane njengolunye uhlobo "lokwenza ukuba lusebenze." Ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo bunokusebenza kuphela kwaye businde xa omabini amaqabane aphambili eyi-100 yepesenti ebhodini kwaye eyifuna. Zinokuba mnandi kwaye zanelise njengobudlelwane bomntu omnye. Lonke ulwalamano olunye lusebenza ngokwahlukileyo nangendlela yalo eyahlukileyo. Akukho simbo sobudlelwane singcono kunaso nasiphi na esinye ukuba nje kukho imida kunye nonxibelelwano. (Bona: Izinto ezi-6 zoMntu oMnye onokuFunda kuBudlelwane obuVulekileyo)

Kodwa oku kuchasene ngqo nokwenzeka kulo mboniso. Akenzi nto ukutshintsha imeko emtshatweni wakhe. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa kamva uyabona ukuba "utshintshela ikhowudi," (aka xa abantu betshintsha ubuntu babo ngokusekwe ebantwini, kwiqela, okanye kwiqabane) njengoko yena-enikwe amandla-umhlobo uSasha eyibeka. (USasha ungumntu ombi ngokwesondo nangokwemfundo, kodwa elo linqaku lolunye usuku.) Endaweni yokuya kuCooper, afune unyango, okanye azame ukwenza okulungileyo ngokwakhe kunye neqabane lakhe, uBillie endaweni yoko uthatha isigqibo sokuthatha indlela elula xa umntu akazalisekanga ngokwesondo: Ukukopela.

Kufuneka siyeke ukwenza ngathi abafazi benza izinto ezimdaka kubenza babe "badass" ngokuyisonga kwi-packaging e-sexy feminist. Kufuneka sijonge iintshukumo ngokwazo. Kwaye kule meko: Azilunganga. Usebenza njenge-esile. Uxolo, bekufuneka kuthiwe. Ukuba sitshintshe iindima kwaye yayinguCooper ebalekela kuFrancesca (umphathi wakhe aqinisekise iimvakalelo zesini ngaye) ukuba ahlangabezane neemfuno zakhe, siya kuba sicinga: Uyanya! Andikholelwa ukuba besimthanda!

Ukunyaniseka, akukho nto iseleyo ukuba ithi. Makhe sibone okwenzekayo kwiXesha lesi-2. Mhlawumbi baya kubuya baze balungise ngokupheleleyo obu bugxwayiba bushushu bemeko … kodwa ndifumanise ukuba oko akunakwenzeka.

Kwaye ukufumana oku kwirekhodi: Ngokuphathelele eso siqendu 3? Ubungakanani ayisiyiyo yonke into.

UGigi Engle ngugqirha wezesini oqinisekisiweyo kunye nombhali wazo Zonke Iimpazamo ze-F cking: Isikhokelo kwezesondo, uthando kunye nobomi. Mlandele kwi-Instagram nakwi-Twitter ku @GigiEngle.

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