Izinto ezi-5 Wonke umntu kufuneka azi malunga nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokuthandana, ngokweNzululwazi yezoBudlelwane

Umxholo

• 1. Ukuphononongwa ngokwesondo (kwaye kufanele) kwenzeke nakweyiphi na iminyaka.
• 2. Ukuhlola ngokwesondo asikuko "ukuthambekeka".
• 3. Unayo ixesha * lokwabelana ngesondo.
• 4. Ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo bukwenza ube liqabane elingcono ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.
• 5. Wonke umntu ufuna umntu oza kuthetha naye ngesondo.
• Uphengululo lwe

Xa uHarry wayeka ukunxibelelana noSally. Ukuthula Kwabagwetyiweyo. Uyaphambana, Uyathula, Uqhawule umtshato. Ukuba ukwahlukana komtshato wabazali bam kwakuyimovie, bendinesihlalo esingaphambili. Kwaye xa ndibukele eli yelenqe lisenzeka, inye into yacaca kum: Abantu abadala abongikazi abakwaziyo ukunxibelelana.

Kungenxa yokuqonda oku nangona ndaye ndaya kuba ngumtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho (LMFT) kwaye ekugqibeleni ndavula iZiko leWight Wellness. Ngoku, yonke imihla ndiye ndifundise izibini (kunye nabantu abangatshatanga, nabo!) Indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono-ngakumbi malunga nezifundo ezichukumisayo ezinje ngesondo, iingcinga nolonwabo.

Ngezantsi: I-Sex-ed ayifanele iyeke emva kwesikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, kwaye izibini ezonwabileyo ngokugqibeleleyo zinokuzuza ngokusebenza nobudlelwane bobudlelwane. Ngezantsi kukho izinto ezintlanu endizifunayowonke umntu ukwazi malunga nokuthandana kunye nokwabelana ngesondo-kungakhathaliseki isimo sakho sobudlelwane okanye ukuziqhelanisa.

1. Ukuphononongwa ngokwesondo (kwaye kufanele) kwenzeke nakweyiphi na iminyaka.

Kukho intsomi yokuba ukuhlola ngokwesondo kokwexeshana, njengeenyanga ezintathu kwisigaba sekholeji. Ayichanekanga kwaye iyonakalisa ke iindlela ezininzi.

Ukuqala, ukuphonononga izinto ngokwesondo kufuna isiseko sokuthembela. Okukhona uthembelana nomntu kokukhona uya kuphonononga ngakumbi kufuneka ukwazi ukuba sebhedini. Kwaye masijongane nayo: Uninzi lwabantu lunexesha elide, ubudlelwane obuthembakeleyoemva kwikholeji.

Ngapha koko, umbono wokuba ii-20s zakho zokuqala ziintsuku zakho zokuhlola ngokwesondo ayiqwalaseli inyani yokuba ii-lobes zakho ezingaphambili azikhuli de ube uneminyaka engama-26, oko kuthetha ukuba uvakalelo lokuba ingalo yakho ichukumisiwe kuma-32 iya uzive wahlukile kunendlela owawuziva ngayo xa wawuneminyaka engama-22. Ifunyenwe ngaphambili kwentloko yakho, eli candelo lobuchopho bakho liphethe ukunika intsingiselo yokuphatha. Ke nokuba ukhe wazama ukudlala ngasemva okanye uthintelo kuloo minyaka, imvakalelo enokukuzisa ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasengqondweni, okanye ngokweemvakalelo ngoku iya kwahluka kakhulu.

Ngokoluvo lwam, inyani yokuba amaxabiso e-STI akhwela kumakhaya abantu abalupheleyo nakwindawo zokuhlala ezincedisayo iphakamisa ukuba abantu banomdla wokuzama ukwenza isondo kakuhle ukuya kwiminyaka yabo yegolide. Ngoko ke makhe ndikubuze oku: Kutheni ulinda de ube neminyaka engama-80 ubudala ukuze ube neentlobano zesini ofuna ukuba nazo ngoxa unokuba nazo ngoku? Ewe, ngokuchanekileyo.

2. Ukuhlola ngokwesondo asikuko "ukuthambekeka".

Kukho ingcamango engeyonyani, egqubayo yokuba ukuhlola ngesondo kukuthambeka okumtyibilizi okuya kuburheletya ongenakukwazi ukubuya kuwo. Abantu boyika ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ukuba inyanga enye bongeza indawo entsha yokwabelana ngesondo okanye ithoyizi lokwabelana ngesondo kwigumbi lokulala, kwinyanga ezayo baya kuba nemicimbi yokugcwala kunye nesixeko sonke. Ngenxa yoku, ungoyika kakhulu ukuthetha namaqabane akho malunga neengcinga zakho, iinguqu, kunye neminqweno yesini. (Idibeneyo: Uyazisa njani iithoyi zesondo kubudlelwane bakho).

Ndiyakuthembisa ukuba ukwandisa into yokonwaba, ukudlala, kunye, nokwabelana ngesondo kujongeka njengobudlelwane bakho * hayi * kuzokubangela ukuba wena neqabane lakho nilahlekelwe lulawulo. Into ekuphela kwayo enokwenza oku kukusilela konxibelelwano kunye nemvume-ixesha. (Idibeneyo: 8 Iingxaki zonxibelelwano eziqhelekileyo kubudlelwane).

3. Unayo ixesha * lokwabelana ngesondo.

Ekuphela kwento wonke umntu afana ngayo kukuba sonke sineeyure ezingama-24 ngokuchanekileyo. Akusekho, akukho ngaphantsi. Ukuba awucingi ukuba unexesha lokwabelana ngesondo, enye yezinto ezimbini iyenzeka. Nokuba, 1) ngokubanzi, awulenzi ixesha *lo naluphi na ulonwabo lokuzonwabisa, okanye 2) awuyonwabeli isondo oba nalo ngokwaneleyo ukwenza ixesha laso.

Ukuba ungumntu osokolayo ukuzenzela ixesha, icebo lam kukuba uqale uchithe imizuzu emihlanu ukuya kwelishumi ngosuku usenza into ekubonelela ngayo kwaye ikunike ulonwabo: ijenali, ukuphulula amaphambili, ukucamngca, ukubeka imaski yobuso, ukupeyinta iinzipho zakho, okanye ukudanisa ujikeleze indlu yakho.

Ukuba, nangona kunjalo, ufumana izinzipho rhoqo ngeveki, funda ukonwaba, okanye ufumane umyalezo wokuthanjiswa, eyona nto inokwenzeka kukuba ukhetha ukubeka phambili ezinye izinto ngaphambi kwesondo. Loo nto ithi kum uzonwabela ezo ezinye izinto kunokonwabela isini.

Isisombululo? Yenza isondo sibe (okanye ngaphezulu) sibe mnandi kunezinye izinto, kwaye oko kwenza ukuba uthathe umsebenzi othile. Ndincoma ukuba uzinikele kwimizuzu emi-5 ukuya kwe-10 ngosuku kukuzonwabisa kwakho: ukuzichukumisa kwishawa (mhlawumbi ngenye yezi vibrators ezingenamanzi), ukuhambisa izandla zakho kumzimba wakho oze, ukuthenga ithoyizi yesondo kwi-intanethi okanye kwivenkile, okanye ukufunda.Yiza injengoku aunjalo nguEmily Nagasaki.

Ewe, xa ulala ngesondo, ngakumbi xa ufuna isondo. Ke, ngelixa loo nto isenokungabonakali ngathi lixesha elininzi (kwaye ayisiyiyo), sisiqalo esinokukhokelela ekwandeni kweenkanuko zesini.

4. Ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo bukwenza ube liqabane elingcono ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.

Ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo (okanye i-EQ yakho, ukuba uyafuna) sisakhono sokukhomba iimvakalelo zakho kwaye uzivakalise kunye nokukwazi ukuphendula ngohlobo kwiimvakalelo zomnye umntu. Ifuna ukudityaniswa kokuzazi, uvelwano, intuition kunye nonxibelelwano.

Masithi wenza into iqabane lakho elingayiqondiyo kwaye bakubuze ukuba kutheni wenze ngoluhlobo. Ubukrelekrele beemvakalelo ngumahluko phakathi kwempendulo ethi "Andazi, ndivele ndothuka" kwaye "Ndandinexhala kwaye ndajikeleza endaweni yokuba ndibambe indlela yexhala lam". Kukukwazi ukujikela ngaphakathi kwaye unike igama indlela oziva ngayo, endaweni yokuphepha ukuzibonakalisa, uxanduva, okanye unxibelelwano olunzulu.

I-EQ esezantsi okanye ephezulu ichaphazela ubomi bakho ngokwesondo ngeendlela ezininzi. Ukuba ukwimeko yokuziva okunzulu, okunxulumene namava ezesondo kwaye uyakwazi ukukuqonda oko, uya kuba nakho ukunceda ukukhuthaza amava.Ngokunjalo, ubukrelekrele beemvakalelo bukunika amandla okunxibelelana nolwimi lomzimba weqabane lakho kunye neempawu ezingezizo ezomlomo kwaye ke unokwazi ukuba uziva unqanyuliwe, okanye unetyala, okanye uxakekile, okanye ucinezelekile, kwaye uhlengahlengise ngokufanelekileyo, nokuba Ndikuxelela ngokungqalileyo.

Ke, ukuba into oyifunayo ebomini bakho kukwabelana ngesondo ngakumbi okanye ukusondelana neqabane lakho, ndincoma ukusebenza kwi-EQ yakho ngokufunda iminqweno yakho kunye noxinzelelo, ukubuza imibuzo engaphezulu (kunye nokuphulaphula iimpendulo), ukuziqhelanisa nokuqaphela, kunye nokusebenza kunye ugqirha. (Eyeleleneyo: Ungalibuza njani iqabane lakho ngesondo ngakumbi ngaphandle kokulikhubekisa)

5. Wonke umntu ufuna umntu oza kuthetha naye ngesondo.

Mhlawumbi ufuna ukuzama iiplagi ezimpundu. Mhlawumbi ufuna ukulinga abanye abanini-vulva. Mhlawumbi ufuna ukumema umntu wesithathu kwigumbi lakho lokulala. Ngenxa yokuba ukugcina into eyimfihlo kudala ukuziva uhlazekile okanye ukwenza okungalunganga, ukuthetha nje nomhlobo ngayo kunokukunceda uyeke ukuhlazeka kwaye ulungelelanise iminqweno yakho. (Idibeneyo: Isikhokelo sangaphakathi sokulala nomnye umfazi kwixesha lokuqala).

Umhlobo usenokukunceda ukuba uphendule ngaloo minqweno kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo. Basenokungena kuwe kwiiveki ezimbalwa ukuze babone ukuba wenze nayiphi na "inkqubela phambili" kwiminqweno yakho, ufunde okungakumbi malunga nomdla wakho wesondo, okanye uthethe neqabane lakho ngayo.

Ukuba awunaye umhlobo ocinga njengaye ocinga ukuba unokuvuleleka ekuthetheni ngokuhla, ingcali ngesondo, umqeqeshi wobudlelwane, okanye umcebisi unokudlala indima efanayo.

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