Izinto ezi-5 Endazifundayo Ngokuthandana Nobuhlobo Xa Ndahlukana Notywala

Umxholo

• Abantu banemibuzo emininzi yobudenge.
• Ukuthandana ungenawo utywala ayonto inzima.
• Uya kuthi ndlela-ntle kwabanye abahlobo.
• Unokwenza impumelelo enkulu yokomelela komzimba.
• Ulusu lwakho ngokuqinisekileyo luya kujongeka lumangalisa.
• Uphengululo lwe

Xa ndixelela abantu ukuba ndifudukele kwisiXeko saseNew York ukuba ndibengumbhali ngokusisigxina, ndicinga ukuba bacinga ukuba ndinguCarrie Bradshaw IRL. Ungaze uyikhathaze inyani yokuba xa ndandiqala ukushukuma (funda: ndithwele iisutikheyisi ezimbini ukuya kwizinyuko ezine), andizange ndabelana ngesondo namadudes (ndingasathethi ke ngoyena mnye wabaphezulu baseManhattan), ndineminyaka elishumi ndimncinci kunombhali wentsomi obekekileyo. , kwaye khange ndibenayo ikhotha yotywala ukusukela unyaka wam wokuqala kwikholeji. Akukho cosmopolitans kum, enkosi.

Ibali lam lotywala ngumdlalo ophantsi. Ndisele ingayiyo amatyeli aliqela ebomini bam kwaye, ngokulula, andiyithandi. Andiyithandi indlela obundenza ndivakalelwe ngayo okanye incasa, yaye andiyithandi indlela utywala obundenza ndithobe ngayo imilinganiselo yam, kum nakwabanye. (Esi sesinye sezizathu zokuba abantu abathanda impilo babe nesidima.)

Ngelixa isiqithi saseManhattan sinokuhlala sinxulunyaniswa Isini kunye neSixeko (kwaye ngokuchaseneyo), ubomi bam kunye neNew York yam zincinci kancinci ezipinki kunye nezithende, kunye neseltzer encinci kunye neeMetrons (Amakhwenkwe eCrossFit, ukuba ufunda le nto, molo!). Ingxaki yile, inkcubeko yobomi beSixeko saseNew York ihlala i-boozy njengoko i-HBO ibonisa.

Njengentombazana ephilileyo ehlala kwilizwe elinengcebiso, ndifunde izinto ezininzi ngam, ukuthandana, ukwenza abahlobo, kwaye, ekugqibeleni, impilo yam. Apha, jonga ngaphakathi ukuba kunjani ukuba ngumntu onesidima ebharini.

Abantu banemibuzo emininzi yobudenge.

Uphumla njani?Wenza ntoni ke xa wonke umntu esela?Wonwaba njani? Kwaye fave yam (ugh): Nawe awutshayi? Uyenza ke icocaine? Uluhlu lweziphukuphuku ezithethiweyo ndizivayo-ngakumbi kwiimeko apho utywala ngowona msebenzi uphambili-mde, kodwa uninzi lweengcinga kunye nemibuzo ilandela lo mxholo. (BTW, nantsi isizathu sokuba ingqondo yakho isoloko isithi ewe kwisiselo sesibini.)

Andizange ndibe naziphi na izigqibo zam zobuqu ezigxekwayo kwaye ndicingelwe okwesibini njengesigqibo sam sokungaseli (esona sigqibo sisondele kakhulu lixesha endabuyela kubomi bam bokwenyani uMnumzana Big emva kokuba elele nomhlobo wam, kodwa lelinye ibali).

Kuqala bendiziva ndinetyala elinenkcazo kuye nabani na obuzileyo. Ngoku, ndihlala ndincuma okanye ndinike impendulo enegama elinye okanye amabini. Ngamanye amaxesha, umntu othile uya kubhekisa kwimizabalazo yakhe kwaye anqwenele ukuyeka utywala, kwaye siyakugqiba ukuba nengxoxo enomdla malunga nendima edlalwa butywala kwindawo yethu yangoku. (Nantsi isikhokelo esipheleleyo sendlela yokuyeka ukusela utywala). Kodwa ixesha elininzi, ndiza kuwuhleka lo mbuzo kwaye wonke umntu aqhubeke nokuhlwa-sip-schmooze ngokuhlwa kwabo.

Kwiqela ngalinye labahlobo emsebenzini wam wobomi, kwindawo yokuzivocavoca, kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ekholejini, njl. Sekudlule malunga neminyaka emihlanu ndisele, kwaye ngoku akukho namnye kubahlobo bam abasondeleyo (okanye nditsho nabantu endibaziyo) abaphawulayo ukuba andiseli-ngabantu abangabaziyo kuphela ababuzayo. Ngapha koko, uninzi lwabahlobo bam luya kundithengela iipakethi ezintandathu zeLaCroix ukuba babamba itheko. Vuyisa abahlobo abacingayo.

Ukuthandana ungenawo utywala ayonto inzima.

Ndixelele ukuba kukho umgca oqhelekileyo wokuthwala kunokuthi "Masibambe isiselo" kwaye, ewe, ndiza kukuxelela ukuba uyaxoka. Utywala ngumntu "wesithathu" kuninzi lokuthandana kunye nokudibana ngokwesondo.

Ukuba ukusela kungumsebenzi ozisa amathemba okuthandana kunye kunye nomjelo wohenyuzo oluninzi, ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba udlale ngothando, wenze amadinga, kwaye ulalane ngaphandle kwabo? I-SATC ndinokuthi hayi, kodwa ndithi ewe!

Isithandwa sam sokugqibela uBen * wayengumntu ongaseli-kwaye yayisisizathu esikhulu sokuba ubudlelwane bethu buhlale ixesha elide. Emva kokuba sahlukana, ndaqala ukuthandana kwakhona kwaye ndafumanisa ukuba ukudlala ngothando kunye nokuthandana sans beer kusemnandi (kwaye kunokwenzeka!).Endaweni yokuhlangana nabaphetheyo kwi-bar, ndidibana nabo kwibhokisi yam yeCrossFit, iklasi yeyoga, okanye ivenkile yeencwadi (kulungile, le yokugqibela ayenzekanga okwangoku, kodwa ndizama ukuyibonakalisa ~). Ndidibana nabo ngokusebenzisa abahlobo, umdlalo ebusuku, okanye imicimbi yomsebenzi. (Idibeneyo: Ndizamile ukuKhetha amadoda kwiGym kwaye yayingeyiyo iNtlekele iyonke)

Xa ndifumana into ethi "kufuneka sifumane iziselo" xa nditshintshisa ngokuthandana, ndiza kuthi andiseli tywala ngoku kwaye ndicebise ngendawo yokuhlangana. Kwaye xa i-dudes ingekho phantsi kunye nesicwangciso sam sokungabi natywala (okwenzeke kabini kuphela)? Enkosi, ngokulandelayo.

Ndikhe ndadibana nebeaux enokubakho yesmoothies endaweni yeemagi, umhla wokuzilolonga, okanye iindawo zokutyela ezinengqokelela yemidlalo yebhodi. Qhubeka, undixelele umhla wokuqala, owesibini nowesithathu ongcono. Ndiza kulinda.

Uya kuthi ndlela-ntle kwabanye abahlobo.

Kuyo yonke imigca yeqonga lomboniso, olona luhambelana kakhulu nobomi bam lukomelela kubahlobo bam basetyhini. Xa ndiyekile ukusela, abanye babahlobo bam khange bavume okanye bengaqondi-kwaye ubuhlobo buye bakhula. Ekugqibeleni, oku kwaba yintsikelelo kuba kwandicacisela ukuba ngoobani abahlobo bam bokwenene. Umnqweno wam osengqiqweni wawufana nesihluzo esiphezulu sobuhlobo bam. (BTW, nantsi into amabhinqa aselula ekufuneka eyazi malunga notywala.)

Okona kubaluleke ngakumbi, ukungaseli kwamkele iqela lenkxaso eyoyikekayo yabasetyhini ebomini bam (ndiye ndakhankanya ukuba bandithengele iLaCroix?!). Kule minyaka mithathu idlulileyo yokuphila (ngokungangqalanga) eNew York, ndikhulise iqela labahlobo abonwabileyo ukuphuma njengokuba behleli. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ngamanye amaxesha siza kuya kwimivalo nakwiiklabhu (kwaye, ewe, ndiya kuhamba). Kodwa amaxesha ngamaxesha kunokuba sihlale sibukele Indawo egreyi ukubuyisela, uku-odola ukutya kwaseThai kunye nokuhleba. (Kwaye ayisiyonto yethu-amantombazana-ebusuku-ngaphakathi yi * * ngokupheleleyo.

Unokwenza impumelelo enkulu yokomelela komzimba.

Andiyombaleki oqeqeshiweyo, kodwa ndisebenza okwethutyana kwibhokisi yeCrossFit, kwaye uninzi lweentsuku uyakundifumana ndiqeqesha iiyure ezimbini ukuya kwezintathu ngosuku. Andikwazi ukulinganisa ngokuchanekileyo ndinamandla kangakanani okanye ndomelele ngokwasemphefumlweni kunokuba ndinjalo ukuba bendinokusela. Kodwa into endiyaziyo kukuba i-hangover okanye i-alcohol-in-dehydration ayikaze iphazamise amandla am okusebenza okanye ndinikele konke kwi-WOD. Kwaye ndiphucule ngesantya esikhawulezayo kunabanye abadlali kwibhokisi yam abaqale i-CrossFit kwiinyanga ezimbini kum. (Imfuza, uqeqesho, okanye ukuba ngcathu? Andazi, kodwa ndiya kuyamkela.) Iingcali ziyavuma ukuba uya kuba sempilweni ngakumbi xa ungaseli. (Jonga: Utywala kangakanani uButywala ngaphambi kokuba buqale ngokuLunga nokuLunga kwakho?)

Ulusu lwakho ngokuqinisekileyo luya kujongeka lumangalisa.

Kumava am, ukungaseli kundigcinele uninzi lweolusu. Andiyonto yobuhle, kodwa ulusu lwam luhlala lubengezela ngakumbi kwaye luneethoni ngaphezu kwabahlobo bam abaselayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo ndisafumana amaqhakuva ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa ubukhulu becala ulusu lwam lucacile.

Ndibuze udoc ukuba umnqweno wokufuna ukwazi ibingumlingo wokonga ulusu kwaye kwavela ukuba bendikwinto ethi: “Utywala buyasolisa ulusu lwakho, ngoko ke abantu abaselayo utywala badla ngokuba nolusu olubonakala lomile kwaye lushwabene ngakumbi xa kuthelekiswa nabantu abangaseliyo. "Utshilo u-Anthony Youn, MD, FACS, ugqirha weplastiki oqinisekisiweyo. "Ukunikezela ngotywala kunokususa esi siphumo sokudambisa amanzi kwaye kunokunceda ulusu lwakho lubukeke luthambile. Ngaphezu koko, ukuphelisa utywala kunganciphisa ukuvuvukala kwaye kwenze ulusu lwakho lubonakale lungabomvu kangako, lucaphuka, kwaye ludala."

Eyona nto ibalulekileyo? Zininzi izibonelelo zempilo zokuyeka utywala-okwexeshana okanye kungenjalo- kwaye bafaneleke nakuphi na ukufana okulahlekileyo kwe-Bumble, abahlobo bangaphambili, okanye i-FOMO engacacanga.

Uphengululo lwe