Yintoni omele uyenze xa umhlobo wakho enesifo somhlaza webele

Umxholo

• 1. Yiba oqhelekileyo.
• 2. Qiniseka.
• 3. Musa ukubeka uxinzelelo kuye.
• 4. Ungazami "ukulungisa" izinto.
• 5. Menze Avakale Ekhethekileyo. 

UHeather Lagemann waqala ukubhala ibhlog yakhe, Iintsomi zendlela yokuhlasela, emva kokuba efunyaniswe enomhlaza webele ngo-2014. Yabizwa ngokuba yenye yethu Eyona Blogs yoMhlaza weSifuba ka-2015. Funda ngokufunda ukuba usapho kunye nabahlobo bamncede njani ngomhlaza wamabele, ngotyando, nangonyango lweechemotherapy.

Xa ndafunyaniswa ndinomhlaza wamabele ndineminyaka engama-32 ubudala, ndandincancisa usana, ndibaleka izinto zasesikolweni, kwaye ndizinkcinkca ndibukeleIphula kakubi" kwiNetflix. Ngokwenene bendingenamava angaphambili ngomhlaza kwaye yayisisiseko, esifana, nesifo esoyikisayo abantu abasweleka kuso kwimiboniso bhanyabhanya. ndabona “Uhambo onokulikhumbula"xa ndandikwishumi elivisayo. Intlungu… kwaye ibikwangoyena mntu ndisondeleyo kuye ukuba ndifumane umhlaza wobomi bokwenyani.

Kwakunjalo nakwizihlobo zam ezininzi kunye nosapho, kwaye ndinengxaki nganye entsha endijongane nayo - ukothuka kokuqala, utyando, ichemotherapy, iintsuku ezimbi, iintsuku ezimbi, iintsuku ezinempandla, iintsuku ze-menopausal-at-32- ndibone ukuba umzabalazo ufikile kubo. Babengazi ukuba mabathini. Babengazi ukuba mabenzeni.

Uninzi lwabantu ebomini bam bayigungqisa, ngokwendalo, kuba eneneni, yonke intombazana enomdlavuza ifuna abantu bayo uza kubalapho. Kodwa, kunjalo, bekukho abanye abanokuthi basebenzise isikhokelo esincinci. Kwaye kulungile, kuba ayisiyiyo imeko eqhelekileyo. Ndiyothuka ukuba kukho i-fart engafakwanga ibango elijingayo ngoko andilindelanga ukuba uyazi ukuba ungawuphatha njani umhlaza wam.

Ngale nto ithethwayo, kuyo yonke ingcali yesifo somhlaza wam (ubuchwephesha ekungekho mntu ufuna ngokwenene), ndize neendlela ezintlanu zokuba ngumhlobo nomntu onomhlaza.

1. Yiba oqhelekileyo.

Oku kubonakala kunengqiqo, kodwa kufuneka kuthethwe. Bendingafuni abantu bajonge kum ngokwahlukileyo, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo andifuni ukuba abantu bandiphathe ngokwahlukileyo. Ndafunyaniswa ukuba ndifikile ngaphambi kwePasika, kwaye ndaxelela usapho lwam ukuba ekuphela kwendlela endiza kubonisa ngayo isidlo sasemini sePasika kukuba banokwenza into eqhelekileyo. Benza njalo, kwaye umzekelo wamiselwa. Oku kwakungathethi ukuba abayihoyanga into yokuba ndinomhlaza; ayinakuba yinto eqhelekileyo leyo. Ke sathetha ngayo, sakhathazeka ngayo, senza iziqhulo ngayo, emva koko sagqogqa iibhasikiti zabantwana bethu ngePasika xa bengajonganga.

Ke ukuba ngesiqhelo uhlala nobusuku bamantombazana ngaphandle kwenyanga, qhubeka umema umhlobo wakho. Usenokungakwazi ukuhamba, kodwa kumnandi ukuziva uqhelekile. Mse kwimovie. Mbuze ukuba unjani, kwaye umnike ulawulo lwasimahla lokukhupha (ngokungathi ubuya kuba neminyaka eli-15, xa isoka lakhe lamlahla, nangona imeko ibingafani ngokwahlukileyo). Mamela ngokunyanisekileyo, emva koko umnike izinto ezenzekayo, cela ingcebiso yakhe ngemibala yeenzipho, kwaye uthethe naye malunga nezinto ngesiqhelo Ngaba. Kumnandi ukuziva uqhelekile kubahlobo bakho abakwimeko engaphandle.

2. Qiniseka.

Oku kuthetha ukuba soze, nanini na, uthethe into enje, "Ukuba kukho into oyifunayo, undazise," okanye "Nceda unditsalele umnxeba xa ufuna uncedo." Akayi kuyenza. Ndiyakuthembisa.

Endaweni yoko, cinga ngezinto owaziyo ukuba uzakufuna uncedo ngazo, kwaye ungene kuzo. Phakathi kwichemotherapy, ndandinomntu endimqhelileyo ndavela ndacheba ingca yam. Khange andibhalele okanye ade ankqonkqoze emnyango. Uyenzile nje. Kwakungafuneki ukuba ndibene ngxoxo engathandekiyo yokukhuphela imisebenzi yam kumhlobo wam - owayehlala ejika nje athi, "Ndiyaphila. Siyaphila. Enkosi, kodwa! ” - kwaye kwakungekho ndawo yokuba nebhongo lam lingene endleleni. Yenziwe nje. Kwakumangalisa. Kuba umhlobo wakho engazukukubiza kwaye akuxelele ukuba bafuna uncedo ngantoni, ndiza:

• Ukufumana ukutya phezu kwetafile. Ukulungelelanisa ukutya kuluncedo olukhulu. Kukho iiwebhusayithi ezifana ne-mealtrain.com ezenza kube lula, kwaye andinakukuxelela ukuba lunjani uxinzelelo oluthabathayo ndisazi ukuba usapho lwam luza kondliwa xa ndingenamandla okwenza oko. Kwakhona, ukuba ukwivenkile yokutya kufutshane naye, mdubule umbhalo ukuze ubone ukuba uphumile kubisi okanye kwizikrelemnqa zegolide kwaye umlandele.
• Ukunyamekelwa kwabantwana. Oku kunokuhluka, kodwa kum, andinakukwazi ukuthatha usana lwam kwiiveki ezintathu emva kotyando. Kwaye uhambelana nomntwana oneminyaka emi-3 ubudala ngexesha le-chemo? Hayi. Omnye wabahlobo bam abasenyongweni waqokelela imikhosi wabeka ikhalenda yokhathalelo lomntwana ehambelana neemfuno zam, kwaye ndinombulelo ngonaphakade. Umhlobo wakho uya kutsiba ngovuyo (okanye ancume esofeni) ukuba uthembisa ukuthatha abantwana bakhe baya kumyezo wezilwanyana wosuku okanye epakini kangangeyure.
• Ukucoca. Akanaxesha okanye amandla kuloo nto ngoku! Indlu yam ayizange ibe yinto ecekisekayo njengokuba yayikunyango olusebenzayo, kwaye ngolonwabo ngokwaneleyo, andikaze ndibenabo abatyeleli abaninzi. Umhlobo osenyongweni okanye iqela lezintombi zinokungena kwaye bazenzele ngokwabo okanye baqeshe inkonzo.
• Ukunyamekelwa kwengca. Endlini yam, umyeni wam uhlala eyikhathalela le nto (ndiyamxelela ukuba ndimhle kakhulu ukuba ndingacheba okanye ndikhuphe inkunkuma, kwaye iyasebenza-nditsho nenkqayi). Nangona kunjalo, umyeni wam wayenokuninzi kwipleyiti yakhe naye, ke oku kuluncedo olukhulu ekungavumeli iyadi yethu ukuba ibe lihlathi.

3. Musa ukubeka uxinzelelo kuye.

Kuninzi okwenzekayo ngoku: ukuqeshwa, ukuskena, amayeza, iimvakalelo ezininzi kunye noloyiko, ngokunokwenzeka ukuya exesheni nge-chemotherapy, ukuzama ukukhokela usapho lwayo kule nto ngelixa ungazi ncam ukuba kanjani. Ke ukuba akathumeli myalezo, okanye akahoyi iminxeba yakho okwexeshana, mayiyitshebeleze kwaye uqhubeke nokuzama. Mhlawumbi woyisiwe kodwa ufunda izicatshulwa zakho kwaye umamele iiposi zemeyile kwaye uzixabisile. Ukuba umnika incwadi, umzekelo (into emnandi ukuyenza, kuba kuninzi kakhulu kwi-chemo), ungalindeli ukuba ayifunde. Ndikhumbula ndiziva ndimbi kakhulu xa umhlobo wam endibuza amaxesha amaninzi malunga nencwadi andiphe yona endingazange ndiyifunde. Ngokusisiseko, vele usike amaqashiso kwaye ungalindeli lukhulu (okanye ngenene nantoni na) kuye ngoku.

4. Ungazami "ukulungisa" izinto.

Yinto enzima ukuyenza, uhleli entlungwini yomntu nabo, kodwa yile nto ayifunayo kuwe ngoku. Kungumuzwa wakho wemvelo ukufuna ukumenza azive ngcono ngokuthi izinto ezinje, "Uzakulunga," okanye "Unamandla kakhulu! Uya kuyibetha le nto! ” okanye "Unikwa kuphela into onokuyenza," okanye "Gcina nje isimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo." (Ndingaqhubeka iintsuku.) Ukuthetha ezo zinto kunokwenza wena baziva ngcono, kodwa abayi kwenza yena uzive ungcono, kuba awazi ngenene ukuba uzakulunga. Unamandla, kodwa akanalo nelizwi lokuba le nto izakuhamba kanjani. Akafuni ukuziva ngathi kuye "ukubetha" oku. Into ayifunayo kukuba umntu ahlale naye kule nto ingaqinisekiyo kuba iyothusa… kwaye ewe, ayithandeki.

Umtshana wam ngomnye kuphela wabantu ababethetha nam malunga nokufa kwam, kwaye wayeneminyaka esi-7. Akekho omnye umntu owayezimisele ukujonga ukufa emehlweni kwam, kodwa oko kwakusengqondweni yam yonke imihla. Anditsho ukuba kufuneka ube neentetho ezinzulu zokufa, kodwa vula iimvakalelo zomhlobo wakho. Kulungile ukuba awazi ukuba ungathini ukuba ungathanda ukumamela ngenene. Kwaye ndithembe, uyazi ukuba kunzima nakuwe, kwaye uyakuxabisa ukuzimisela kwakho "ukuhlala kuyo" kunye naye.

5. Menze Avakale Ekhethekileyo. 

Ndiyazi ukuba umhlobo wakho uyinyani kuwe, okanye ngekhe uyifunde le. Kodwa kukho umahluko omkhulu phakathi kokuthanda umntu nokumazisa ukuba uyamthanda. Inxalenye endiyithandayo yomhlaza-ewe, ndinendawo endiyithandayo yomhlaza! -Kukuba kwakubonakala ngathi kunika abantu ukupasa simahla ukundixelela indlela abaziva ngayo ngam, kwaye kwakumangalisa. Ndinamakhadi amaninzi, iileta, kunye nemiyalezo egcwele amagama anomusa, iinkumbulo ezilityelweyo, inkuthazo ethandekayo, nothando nje oluhlaza. Bakhonze ukundiphakamisa ngezinye zeentsuku zam ezimbi, kwaye itshintshe umbono wam ngehlabathi esihlala kulo.

Umhlaza unokuba nesithukuthezi ngokumangalisayo, ke sonke isipho esincinci, ikhadi eposini, kunye nesidlo siyekile ndazise ukuba bendiseyinxalenye yehlabathi ngokubanzi. Ngaphandle koko, kutheni kufuneka unikwe ingqalelo ngakumbi kunyaka wakho womtshato kunonyaka wakho (ngethemba, kuphela) womhlaza? Ndithi: Xa umntu enesifo somhlaza, kulapho kufanele ukuba siye kwiibhola ukuya eludongeni simenze azive ekhethekileyo. Bayayidinga, kwaye ngokunyaniseka, oko kwakuthetha lukhulu ngexa ndandinomhlaza kunyaka wam womtshato.

Ngethuba nje usondela kumhlobo wakho ngothando, uya kuba ulungile.Kwaye ngexa ungeke ukwazi ukwenza yonke into kweli nqaku, ndithembise nje ukuba uya kudropa nabani na ozama ukumxelela amabali ngoomakhulu, udade, okanye ummelwane ababenaye owabulawa ngumhlaza webele, kulungile?