Nini Ukuthetha Ngokulahleka Kobunzima Ngoxa Uthandana

Umxholo

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UTheodora Blanchfield, oneminyaka engama-31 ubudala, umphathi wemidiya yoluntu waseManhattan unebhongo ngento yokuba kwiminyaka emihlanu edlulileyo, waphulukana neeponti ezingama-50. Ngapha koko, luhambo awabelane ngalo esidlangalaleni kwibhlog yakhe yokuLahla Ubunzima kwisiXeko. Okwangoku kukho abantu abathile anqabayo ukuchitheka kubo: imihla yakhe yothando.

Ichasene nayo yonke into endiyikholelwayo, kodwa into yokuba bendihlala ndinzima indenza ndizive ndikhuselekile kwaye ndineentloni, utshilo uBlanchfield. "Ndixhalabile bazakucinga ukuba ndizokuphinda ndiyifumane. Okanye ukuba ndihlala nditya ukutya kwaye andizukunwaba-ngathi yonke into endiyenzayo kukutya iisaladi ndize ndenze umsebenzi." (Yonwabele imihla, iiyure ezimnandi, kwaye ngaphezulu ngeeNgcebiso zokuPhulukana nobunzima kuwo wonke umsebenzi weVeki.) Ngelishwa, olo loyiko lwaqinisekiswa ngeBlanchfield ngomhla wokuqala wokuqala. Umntu omaziyo ongumfazi wakhwaza ngaphaya kwebar, "Ndiyayithanda ibhlog yakho!" Ukuqhubela phambili umhla wakhe ukuba ubuze uBlanchfield malunga nebhlog yakhe. Wamxelela-kwaye akazange aphinde eve kuye.

UBlanchfield akanakuze azi ukuba kutheni umhla wakhe wanyamalala, kodwa iingcali ziyavuma ukuba bubulumko ukulinda de ube imihla emininzi phambi ukwabelana ngolwazi lobuqu ezifana ukuncipha. "Ukuba enye yeempawu zokuqala zomhla wakho lulwazi lokuba usandula ukulahla ubunzima obuninzi, uya kukubona oku njengenye yeempawu zakho eziphambili," kuchaza uMimi Tanner, umbhali wencwadi. Umva wokugqibela: Fumana ukuzibophelela ngaphandle kwengxabano. Ke ngoku njani yenza ubalisa nge past yakho?

Yifake kuMyalezo wokuXhobisa-hayi ihlazo

"Endaweni yokuthi" ndandidla ngokutyeba, "zama ukuthi," Ndiqale uqeqesho lwe-marathon kunyaka ophelileyo, kwaye ndaye ndathoba ubunzima. Bekumnandi, "wongeza uSara Eckel, umbhali we Ayinguwe: 27 (kuphosakeleyo) Izizathu zokuba ungatshatanga. "Uninzi lwabantu lufuna ukufunda ukuba wenze njani. Ulawule into ebomini bakho." Sebenza isihloko kwingxoxo ngaphandle kokulahla ibhombu. (Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, wabelana nje ngokuba ubuqhele ukuba ngobukhulu obahlukileyo-ayikuko ukuba uphange indlu yommelwane wakho.) UBlanchfield-osandula ukutshintsha igama lebhlog yakhe ukuba yi-Preppy Runner-yamkele le ndlela intsha. "Ngeenjongo zokunciphisa ukunciphisa umzimba kwaye ndigxininisa ukufaneleka," utshilo.

Ixesha libalulekile

Kuyazama ukufuna ukubonisa ngeempawu ezikuncede wafezekisa loo njongo inomdla. Ngubani ongafuni ukuthandana nomntu obonakalise irekhodi yenkalipho, ukuzibophelela, kunye nokuzeyisa? Ukuba kufuneka uze nenani, umhla wesihlanu lelona xesha lilungileyo lokutyhila okukhulu, utshilo uTanner. "Babe sele bekwazi ngelo xesha kwaye bazokwazi ukufaka olu lwazi lutsha ngaphandle kokonakalisa ithenda yabo yokuqala," utshilo. (Ukufumana ezinye iingcebiso zexesha, funda ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthetha ngayo yonke into kubudlelwane.)

Mhlawumbi isibonakaliso esingcono sexesha elifanelekileyo lokuxela, nangona kunjalo, kuxa wena ukuziva lungile. "Awunyanzelekanga ukuba uxelele wonke umntu ngobomi bakho bonke," kugxininisa uEckel. "Kungcono uvela kwindawo yokuzihlonela. Endaweni yokucinga, 'Ngaba uza kundigweba?' cinga, 'Ngaba ndiziva ndikhululekile ukunika lo mntu le nkcazelo?' Uzinika amandla."

U-Ilyssa Israel, oneminyaka engama-39, umncedisi olawulayo waseSpringfield, NJ, waziva ekhululekile ngendoda enye kangangokuba wamxelela ngomhla wesibini ukuba uphulukene neekhilogram ezili-100 emva kotyando lwe-gastric bypass-kwaye wafumana utyando olongezelelweyo ukususa ulusu olungaphezulu. . Impendulo yakhe: "Kakhulu! Kuhle kuwe!" Emva koko wavuma ukulwa kwakhe nobunzima kunye nomzimba. "Ndicinga ukuba ukumxelela kwangethuba kusisondezile," utshilo u-Israel. "Sinokuxelela omnye nomnye iimfihlo zethu ezinzulu kwaye samkele ngokupheleleyo." Batshata emva kweminyaka emibini.

Lawula ulawulo

Nokuba unxibelelana njani ngobuqhetseba kwixa elidlulileyo, awunakho ukulawula indlela abanye abayiva ngayo. Zilungiselele ukuba ezinye zingabi nzulu okanye zibekho, wongeza uEckel. Kodwa yazi ngamanye amaxesha, abantu bayakothusa. UBlanchfield wachukumiseka xa omnye umfana awayethandana naye wamxelela ukuba uye wamkhuthaza kwaye kamva, waphulukana nobunzima obuninzi. Uthi: “Kwakumnandi ukwazi ukuba ukutshintsha ubomi bam nokububeka phandle kube nempembelelo entle komnye umntu. (Yongeza loo nto kwiiMpawu ezi-6 ezingacacanga ukuba unguMgcini.)

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