Kutheni le nto kufuneka unikezele ngothando ekuboneni kwakho kuqala

Umxholo

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Uthando ekuqaleni kokubona-isiseko samaphupha amaninzi akwishumi elivisayo, iinoveli, iingoma zepop, nayo yonke i-rom-com. Kodwa abaphandi balapha ukuze bagqabhuke amaqamza ethu othando angenathemba (ukuncwina, isayensi). Kuyavela, uthando lokwenyani kunye nokufumana umphefumlo wakho awusekelwanga kwiimvakalelo okokuqala ngamehlo akho, kodwa endaweni yelona xesha labantu abalichitha kunye, ngokutsho kwesifundo esitsha esivela kwiDyunivesithi yaseTexas, eAustin. (Ngaba ungakhetha i-Sparks ngaphezu koBudlelwane obuzinzileyo?)

Abaphandi babe nodliwano-ndlebe nezibini ezili-167 kubudlelwane obususela kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa ukuya kwiminyaka engama-53 (kanye ukuba ngubani esifanele sithathe kuye iingcebiso!) malunga nendlela abadibana ngayo, ixesha elide ababethandana ngalo, kunye nendlela enomtsalane ababecinga ngayo iqabane labo. Baye ke baba nabantu abangabaziyo ukulinganisa umtsalane weqabane ngalinye. Abantu abatshatileyo ababengabona bahlobo bade ngaphambi kokuba baqale ubudlelwane bezothando kungenzeka ukuba "bangafani gingci" ekubonakaleni kwinjongo ngokoluvo lwabangaphandle, oko kuthetha ukuba abanye babecinga ukuba omnye wayenomtsalane ngakumbi kunomnye. Oku kuyamangalisa xa kuthathelwa ingqalelo uphando oludlulileyo lubonakalisile ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba sibhangane nomntu ofana nathi ekubukekeni nasekuthandeni. (Iininzi kakhulu into ezichaseneyo zitsala umdla!) Kodwa iintaka zothando zakudala zilinganisa enye kwenye njengenomtsalane ngokulinganayo, nto leyo ekhokelela abaphandi ukuba bakholelwe ukuba yayilixesha elongezelelweyo elithe "liphumeza" ubuhle bazo, ubuncinci ezingqondweni zabo. Isiphelo sesosayensi: Okukhona umazi umntu ongaphezulu, kokukhona uya utsaleleka kuye.

Ingcamango yokuba uthando kunye nokutsalana kuyakhula ngokuhamba kwexesha kuyinyani ngokukodwa kubasetyhini, utsho uWendy Walsh, Ph.D., ingcali yobudlelwane enganxulumananga nokufunda kunye nombhali we I-30-Day Love Detox. "Ukuze umfazi athandane ngokwenene, kufuneka ahlehlise iileyile kwaye abone into engaphantsi kwembonakalo."

UWalsh uthi iminyaka yakhe yophando kubudlelwane imbonakalisile ukuba amadoda aqala akhangele ubuhle kwiqabane, alandelwe bububele, ukunyaniseka, kunye nobukrelekrele ngelixa abafazi bejonga uzinzo lomntu kuqala, lulandelwe bubukrelekrele, ububele, emva koko bujongwe okokugqibela. "Kungenxa yoko le nto kusisiyatha xa amadoda ethatha umfanekiso we-abs yawo kwaye ayithumela kwiindawo zokubonana. Ngaphandle kokuba bafuna ukukhonkxa, ayisiyiyo le nto abantu basetyhini bafuna ukuyazi," utshilo. "Ekuphela kwendlela abasetyhini (kunye namadoda) abanokufumana ngayo ezi mpawu zibalulekileyo kukuchitha ixesha naloo mntu." (Kodwa wakuba umfumene loo mntu, ngokwenene kukwenza ube sempilweni! Fumanisa Indlela Ulwalamano Lwakho Olunxulunyaniswa Ngayo Kwimpilo Yakho.)

Kodwa xa kufikwa ngqo ukuba lingakanani ixesha lokunika ubudlelwane obutsha, uWalsh uthi kuxhomekeke kwisibini nakwimeko yabo eyahlukileyo. Ucacisa ukuba abanye abantu banokwazana iinyanga, kodwa baphume kabini kuphela, ngelixa abanye benokudibana kwiiveki ezimbini ezidlulileyo kwaye bathetha iiyure yonke imihla emnxebeni ukusukela. Ulawulo lwakhe lobhontsi? Sukuthatha naziphi na izigqibo malunga nekamva lobudlelwane de udibane nesizwe seqabane lakho elinokubakho, okuthetha usapho, abahlobo kunye nabantu abasebenza nabo. Ngelixa umntu ekwazisa kubo bonke abantu ababalulekileyo ebomini babo, usenokuba ubazi ixesha elide ngokwaneleyo ukuvumela umtsalane wokwenyani ukuba wenzeke hayi nje inkanuko, uyachaza.

Okwangoku ixesha yile nto uninzi lwethu olungenayo kuluntu lwethu olungxamisekileyo- yiyo le nto yenza ukuba iinkonzo zokuthandana zifane neTinder kwaye Isidlo sasemini sinomtsalane kakhulu (kwaye kukho ezi-5 ziNgcaciso zeSoftware zoRhwaphilizo nazo ...). UWalsh uthi inkcubeko yethu yokuthandana kancinci kodwa ukuhlangana kakhulu kunokuba yingxaki yokwenyani xa ujonga umntu oza kuhlala naye. Olu pho nonongo lubonisa oko.

Ke beka ishelfu kuzo zonke iimuvi zikaRyan Gosling ezinikezela ngothando ekuboneni kwasekuqaleni kunokuba yeyona nto unokuyenza kubomi bakho bothando!

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