Ngaba Abafazi Benzelwe Ukutshata?

Umxholo

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Nokuba ungqiyame okanye hayi, uninzi lwabasetyhini lufuna yonke into xa kufikwa endodeni. Ke xa umfumana kwaye uba ngumfazi wakhe, uya kuziva ngathi ubomi bakho (okanye ubuncinci inxalenye yothando) ayinakuba ngcono-de ube ufumanisa into ebonakala ngathi ilahlekile: i-libido yakho.

Ngokophononongo oluncinci lwabafazi abatshatileyo abapapashwe kwi Ijenali yezesondo kunye noNyango lomtshato, Abafazi bathanda ukuphulukana nomdla wesondo kwakude kudala ngaphambi kokuba benze abayeni babo. [Tweet Tweet this!] Kwaye malunga neepesenti ezili-9 zabasetyhini abaneminyaka eli-18 ukuya kwengama-44 baxhalabile ngenxa yomnqweno wabo ophantsi, uphando olwafunyanwa ngo-2008. Phambi kokuba ube nexhala, yiva ukuba yintoni na iingcali ezikholelwa ukuba isenokuphazamisana neNkskz.

Into efunwa ngabafazi itshintshile. Umtshato ongcwele awusafani nakuqala. Umbono wabasetyhini womanyano olungileyo, olomeleleyo unzima ngakumbi kunangaphambili-kwaye, kwezinye iimeko, umda ngokungekho ngqiqweni. Ingcali yengqondo kunye Ukutshatisa ekuthinjweni Umbhali u-Esther Perel wayishwankathela kakuhle intetho yakhe eyaziwayo ye-TED, "Imfihlelo yokunqwenela ubudlelwane bexesha elide":

"Umtshato wawuliziko lezoqoqosho apho wawunikwe ubambiswano lobomi malunga nabantwana, umgangatho wentlalo, ukulandelelana kunye nobuqabane. Kodwa ngoku ... siza kumntu omnye kwaye ngokusisiseko sibacela ukuba basinike oko kanye ngokupheleleyo. ilali esetyenziselwa ukubonelela: ukubakho, isazisi, ukuqhubeka, ukugqithisela, imfihlakalo, uloyiko, intuthuzelo, umda, ubutsha, ukuqhelana, ukuqikelela, kunye nokumangalisa konke kwinto enye. Owu, kuphelele apho?

Ukuthi "ndiyayenza" sisibulala-mntu esikhulu. Nokuba ufumene iqabane lakho lomphefumlo, yinyani nje ukuba loo mvakalelo ye-lovin iya kuthi ekugqibeleni iphele. "Ingqondo yeyona ndawo inkulu ye-erogenous yabasetyhini, kwaye xa sele utshatile, uvuselelo lwengqondo oye walufumana ngaphambili alukho ngenxa yokuba nikunye ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye akukho mfihlakalo ishiyekileyo-i-foreplay yengqondo oyifunayo ayisekho. , "utshilo ugqirha wezengqondo u-Belisa Vranich, Psy.D., ilungu lebhodi yeengcebiso ze-SHAPE. Ngamanye amazwi, ngaphandle kwemincili, abafazi abakwazi nje ukuba nemincili.

Akuncedi ukuba amadoda athande ukufumana ukhululekile ngokwenene kubudlelwane phambi kokuba abafazi benze, ngoko ngelixa uzibeke ngokucokisekileyo kunye nomhla wesidlo sakusihlwa, akatshintshi nokutshintsha ihempe yakhe. “Kubalulekile ukuhlala umhle omnye komnye,” utshilo uVranich. Kwaye kuba abafana bengenalo uxinzelelo lwasentlalweni lokugcina ukuzilungisa kwaye bajongeke, oku kunqunyulwa kunokuba yinto ebonakalayo.

Ukhuseleko trumps ngesondo. Ngoko kutheni abafazi benamathela ixesha elide emva kokuba befumene i-vanilla? "Umtshato usekelwe kwintuthuzelo, ukuqikelelwa kunye nokhuseleko," u-Vranich uyachaza, "eyona nto imnandi kubomi bemihla ngemihla kunye nokuthandana, kodwa ngelishwa oku kubulala umnqweno, odinga ubugwenxa, ukuzenzela kunye nokuqhula." Nangona kunjalo ngenxa yokuba sifuna ukhuseleko lwangaphakathi ngaphezu kokwabelana ngesondo, abanye abafazi bonwabile ngokugqibeleleyo ngobudlelwane obuhluthweyo ngokwesondo (okanye ngaphandle kwesondo), uyongeza.

Amadoda ehla lula. Njengoko usenokuba uqaphele, umnqweno uvela kwintloko yamanenekazi kunye nenye (ezantsi emazantsi) kwiigents. Izidingo zakhe zinokuhlangatyezwana nentwana nje yoxinzelelo lwexeshana, kodwa ukuphazamiseka okuncinci kuwe kunokuthetha ukuba i-O ayisiyiyo. "Yonke into ukusuka ekucaphukeni ukuya ekucingeni ngento oyilibele ukuyenza ezinyaweni zakho ngokubanda inokukuthintela ekubeni ne-orgasm," utshilo uVranich. Ukuba iqabane lakho alicingi ngokufikelela kuvuthondaba njengelakhe kwaye Into yakhe, isondo sihlala siphazamisa kwaye singathandeki kangako.

Ukuxhonywa kungashushu… Ngaphambi kokuba uthengise ngeebhutsi zakho zekinky zezindlu, fumana oku: KuPhononongo olwenziwe nguMatch.com kunye nomcebisi wezenzululwazi wesiza uHelen Fisher, Ph.D., ipesenti ephezulu yabantu abadala yathi isini singcono kubudlelwane obungatshatanga ixesha elide -ixesha, ukuhlala-kwiqabane."Ukubakho kokuqhekeka kuthetha ukuba nobabini kufuneka nihlale phezulu kumdlalo wenu, nokuba ungakanani na. Kuya kufuneka wenze ngokwaneleyo ukuze uyigcine ngokuzolileyo kwaye imnandi," utshilo uVranich, ofunyenwe kukwenza kwakhe nophando olo abantu nabo bakopela kancinci xa bengavalelwanga. [Khuphela oku!]

… Okanye uthi "ndenza njalo," ngokungcono nangokubi. Nokuba awunazo iincakuba zokugoba iinzwane ubusuku bonke, usenokonwaba ngonaphakade. "Kunyaka ophelileyo, senze isifundo nabantu abatshatileyo abali-1 000, kwaye ndothuswa kukufumanisa ukuba ama-80 eepesenti athi bazakuphinda batshate amaqabane abo," utshilo uFisher, ingcali ngebhayoloji. Amashumi asixhenxe anesihlanu eepesenti axele ukuba asathandana ngokunyanisekileyo namaqabane abo-kwaye abanye bebekade bekunye ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-25.

Ukwenza ukuba igqibelele, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba ubanjwa ngenxa yezizathu ezifanelekileyo kwaye ungaze uyeke ukutyala imali kwenye. "Kubalulekile ukubonana njengabantu abazimeleyo abanomdla othanda bona hayi ukuthanda nje," utshilo uVranich. Uhlobo oluncinci olungena ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwebhedi-aluzange lubuhlungu nokuba. "Inoveli ivuselela inkqubo ye-dopamine kwingqondo, ebangela inkqubo ye testosterone kwaye inokuvuselela inkanuko yesini," utshilo uFisher.

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