Ungayibeka njani kwaye uyiphendule njani i-Emotional Blackmail

Umxholo

• Ithini inkcazo?
• Ingaba isebenza kanjani
• 1. Ibango
• 2. Ukuxhathisa
• 3. Uxinzelelo
• 4. Izisongelo
• 5. Ukuthobela
• 6. Ukuphindaphinda
• Imizekelo eqhelekileyo
• Babohlwayi
• Abazigwebayo
• Abagulayo
• Izithambisi
• Indlela yokuphendula kuyo
• Okokuqala, qaphela into engeyiyo imvakalelo engathandekiyo
• Hlalani nizolile kwaye nimi ngxi
• Qalisa incoko
• Chonga izinto ezibangela ukuba ubange
• Babhalise kulungelelwaniso
• Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku
• Kuthekani ukuba bazisongela ngokuzenzakalisa?
• Umgca wezantsi

Ithini inkcazo?

Ukungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo kuchaza isitayile sokukhohlisa apho umntu asebenzisa iimvakalelo zakho njengendlela yokulawula indlela oziphethe ngayo okanye akucenge ukuba ubone izinto ngendlela yabo.

Ugqirha Susan Forward, ingcali kwezonyango, umbhali, kunye nomhlohli, ulivulile eli gama kwincwadi yakhe yowe-1997 ethi, "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obbigation, and Monvil to Manipulate You." Ngokusetyenziswa kwezifundo zetyala, uyayaphula imeko yokukhohlisa ngokweemvakalelo ukunceda abantu ukuba baluqonde ngcono kwaye boyise olu hlobo lokuxhaphaza.

Ngaphandle kwencwadi kaPhambili, akukho toni yolwazi oluthe ngqo malunga ne-blackmail ngokweemvakalelo nokuba kuthetha ntoni, ke safikelela ku-Erika Myers, ingcali kwezonyango e-Bend, e-Oregon.

Uchaza ukungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo njengobuqhetseba nobuqhophololo. "Inokubonakala ngathi iyabamba uthando, ukuphoxeka, okanye notshintsho olungephi kulwimi lomzimba," uyacacisa.

Ingaba isebenza kanjani

Njengomntu oxhaphaza abanye, ubundlobongela ngokweemvakalelo kubandakanya umntu ozama ukufumana into ayifunayo kuwe. Kodwa endaweni yokubamba iimfihlelo ngokuchasene nawe, baya kukukhohlisa ngeemvakalelo zakho.

Ngokuya Phambili, ukungcola ngokweemvakalelo kuqhubeka ngokwamanqanaba amathandathu athile:

1. Ibango

Inqanaba lokuqala lokungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo libandakanya ibango.

Umntu angayichaza le nto ngokucacileyo: "Andiqondi ukuba kungafaneleka ukuba ubuye nobani-bani."

Banokukwenza ukuba kungabonakali. Xa ubona loo mhlobo, bayaphefumla kwaye bathethe ngokuhlekisayo (okanye hayi). Xa ubuza into engalunganga, bathi, "Andiyithandi indlela abakujonga ngayo. Andiqondi ukuba zilungile kuwe. "

Ngokuqinisekileyo, bayalala kwiimfuno zabo ngokubhekisele kuwe. Kodwa iseyilingo lokulawula ukhetho lomhlobo.

2. Ukuxhathisa

Ukuba awufuni ukwenza le nto bafuna ukuyenza, baya kuthi babuyele umva.

Unokuthi ngqo, "Awukhuselwanga yi-inshurensi, ke andikhululekanga kukuvumela uqhube imoto yam."

Kodwa ukuba unexhala lokuba bazakuthatha njani ukwala ngokuthe tyaba, unokuxhathisa ngobuqili:

• "Ukulibala" ukubeka igesi emotweni
• ukungahoyi ukushiya izitshixo zakho
• Abathethi nto kwaye banethemba lokuba bayalibala

3. Uxinzelelo

Abantu basazichaza iimfuno kunye neminqweno kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, nje ukuba ubonakalise ukungavumi, omnye umntu ngokubanzi uphendula ngokushiya umcimbi okanye enze iinzame zokufumana isisombululo kunye.

Umntu omnyama uya kukucinezela ukuba uhlangabezane neemfuno zabo, mhlawumbi ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, kubandakanya:

• Ukuphinda ibango labo ngendlela ebenza babonakale behle (umzekelo, "Ndicinga ngekamva lethu kuphela")
• Uluhlu lweendlela zokuchasana kwakho nefuthe elibi kubo
• ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Ukuba ubundithanda ngenene, ubuzakuyenza"
• ukugxeka okanye ukujongela phantsi

4. Izisongelo

Ukungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo kunokubandakanya izoyikiso ngokuthe ngqo okanye ngokungathanga ngqo:

• Isoyikiso ngqo. "Ukuba uphume nabahlobo bakho ngokuhlwanje, andizubakho xa ubuya."
• Isoyikiso esingangqalanga. "Ukuba awukwazi ukuhlala nam ngokuhlwanje xa ndikudinga, mhlawumbi omnye umntu uza kuhlala."

Banokufihla isoyikiso njengesithembiso esithembisayo: “Ukuba uhlala ekhaya ngokuhlwanje, siya kuba nexesha elingcono kakhulu kunokuba ubuya kuphuma. Oku kubalulekile kulwalamano lwethu. ”

Ngelixa oku kungabonakali ngathi kusisisongelo, basazama ukukukhohlisa. Ngelixa bengazichazi ngokucacileyo iziphumo zokwala kwakho, bona yenza kuthetha ukuba ukuxhathisa okuqhubekayo akunakunceda ulwalamano lwakho.

5. Ukuthobela

Ewe awufuni ukuba benze okuhle kwizisongelo zabo, ke uyanikezela kwaye unikezele. Usenokuzibuza ukuba "isicelo" sabo sikwakunyanzelekile na ukuba uxhathise.

Ukuthotyelwa kunokuba yinkqubo yokugqibela, njengoko ikutyhafisa ekuhambeni kwexesha ngoxinzelelo kunye nosongelo. Nje ukuba unikezele, isiphithiphithi sithatha indawo yoxolo. Banento abayifunayo, ke banokubonakala benobubele kwaye benothando- okomzuzwana.

6. Ukuphindaphinda

Xa ubonisa omnye umntu ekugqibeleni uya kuvuma, bayazi kakuhle indlela yokudlala iimeko ezifanayo kwixesha elizayo.

Ixesha elingaphezulu, inkqubo yokungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo ikufundisa ukuba kulula ukuyithobela kunokuba ujongane noxinzelelo oluqhubekayo kunye nosongelo. Unokuza wamkele ukuba uthando lwabo lunemiqathango kwaye bayakuyibamba de uvumelane nabo.

Banokufunda nokuba uhlobo oluthile lwesoyikiso luya kuwenza ngokukhawuleza umsebenzi. Ngenxa yoko, le patheni iya kuqhubeka.

Imizekelo eqhelekileyo

Ngelixa ii-blackmailers ezivakalayo zihlala zisebenzisa indibaniselwano yamaqhinga, ukuPhambili kucebisa ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo ngokubanzi ihambelana nolunye lweendlela ezine eziphambili:

Babohlwayi

Umntu osebenzisa iindlela zokohlwaya uza kuthetha into ayifunayo emva koko akuxelele ukuba kuya kwenzeka ntoni xa ungathobeli.

Oku kuhlala kuthetha izoyikiso ezingqalileyo, kodwa abohlwayi bakwasebenzisa ubundlongondlongo, umsindo, okanye impatho ethe cwaka ukuze basebenzise

Nanku omnye umzekelo oza kuwuthathela ingqalelo:

Iqabane lakho liza likuphuze xa ungena.

“Ndenze intengiso enkulu namhlanje! Masibhiyozele. Isidlo sangokuhlwa, ukudanisa, ukuthandana… ”batsho ngeliso eliqaqambileyo.

“Halala!” uthi. “Kodwa ndidiniwe. I was planning to take a long bath ndiphumle. Kuthekani ngomso? ”

Imo yabo iyatshintsha kwangoko. Bajija iholo, bembakraza iingcango njengokuba behamba. Xa ulandela kwaye uzama ukuthetha nabo, abavumi ukuphendula.

Abazigwebayo

Olu hlobo lokugculelwa ngokweemvakalelo lukwabandakanya izoyikiso. Endaweni yokoyikisa, nangona kunjalo, abo bohlwayayo bayakuchaza ukuba ukuxhathisa kwakho kuya kwenzakala njani kubo:

• "Ukuba awuzukuboleka imali, ndiza kuphulukana nemoto yam ngomso."
• “Ukuba awusivumeli ukuba sihlale nawe, asizukuhlala. Cinga ngabatshana bakho! Ngubani owaziyo ukuba kuya kwenzeka ntoni kubo? Ngaba uyafuna ukuhlala nayo? ”

Abantu abasebenzisa ubuqhetseba bokuzohlwaya banokuyijikeleza imeko ukuze ibonakale ngathi ubunzima babo bubugxwayiba bakho ukuze uzive uthande ukuthatha uxanduva kwaye ubancede.

Abagulayo

Umntu ogulayo uhlala edlulisa iimvakalelo zabo ngaphandle kwamagama.

Ukuba bayakholelwa ukuba ubathobile okanye ufuna ubenzele into, abanakuthetha nto kwaye babonise ukungonwabi kwabo ngokubonisa:

• Usizi okanye ukudakumba, kubandakanya ukugquma ubuso, ukuncwina, iinyembezi, okanye ukukorobha
• intlungu okanye ukungonwabi

Oko kwathethi, banokunika isixa esipheleleyo sayo yonke into enegalelo kusizi lwabo.

Umzekelo:

Kwiveki ephelileyo, uxelele umhlobo ukuba ufuna ukufumana umntu oza kuhlala naye kwigumbi lakho lokulala elingenanto kunye nebhafu eqhotyoshelweyo. Umhlobo wakho wathi, "Kutheni ungandivumeli ndihlale apho mahala?" Uyihlekile le ntetho, ucinga ukuba yinto ehlekisayo.

Namhlanje, bakubize, belila.

“Andonwabanga. Kunzima ukuphakama ebhedini, ”batsho. “Okokuqala olo hlaselo lubi, ngoku ndisebenza kabuhlungu nabantu endisebenza nabo - kodwa andikwazi ukuyeka, andinamali ndiyigcinileyo. Ndifuna nje into entle ukuba yenzeke. Andikwazi ukumelana ngolu hlobo. Ukuba kuphela bendinendawo yokuhlala okwethutyana, apho bekungayi kufuneka ndibhatale irente, ndiqinisekile ukuba ndingaziva ngcono kakhulu. ”

Izithambisi

Ezinye iintlobo zobundlobongela ngokweemvakalelo zibonakala zifana nezimbo zomzimba.

Isitshisi sigcina imivuzo phezu kwentloko yakho ukuze ufumane into kuwe, unike indumiso kunye nenkuthazo. Kodwa sihlandlo ngasinye udlula umqobo omnye, kukho omnye olindileyo. Awunakho ukuqhubeka.

"Umsebenzi wakho ubalasele," utshilo umphathi wakho ngenye imini. Unezakhono endizifunayo kumphathi weofisi. ” Bakwazisa ngokuzolileyo isikhundla siza kuvulwa kungekudala. “Ndingathembela kuwe kude kube lelo xesha?”

Ndiyavuya, uyavuma. Umphathi wakho uyaqhubeka nokucela ngaphezulu kuwe, kwaye uhlala emva kwexesha, ungatsiba isidlo sasemini, kwaye ungene ngeempelaveki ukuze wenze yonke into. Umphathi weofisi uyarhoxa, kodwa umphathi wakho akakhankanyi ukunyuswa kwakhona.

Xa ekugqibeleni ubuza malunga nayo, bayakhawuleza.

“Awuyiboni indlela endixakeke ngayo? Ngaba ucinga ukuba ndinexesha lokuqasha umphathi weofisi? Bendilindele ngcono kuwe, ”batsho.

Indlela yokuphendula kuyo

Ukuba ukrokrela ukuba ufumene isiphatho seemvakalelo, kukho izinto ezimbalwa onokuzenza ukuphendula ngendlela enemveliso.

Abanye abantu bafunda amaqhinga (njengeehambo zetyala) kubazali, kubantakwabo, okanye kumaqabane adlulileyo. Ezi ndlela zokuziphatha ziba yindlela engaguquguqukiyo yokufumana iimfuno, u-Myers uyachaza.

Oko kwathethi, abanye banokusebenzisa ngabom ukugculela ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba awuziva ukhuselekile xa ujongene naloo mntu, ungafuna ukutsiba ezi (ngakumbi ngento ekufuneka uyenzile kule meko kamva).

Okokuqala, qaphela into engeyiyo imvakalelo engathandekiyo

Xa iimfuno zomntu othandekayo okanye imida ibangela ukukhathazeka okanye ukungonwabi, unokufuna ukuxhathisa.

Nangona kunjalo, wonke umntu unelungelo lokuchaza nokuchaza kwakhona imida xa kufuneka njalo. Kuphela kukungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo xa kubandakanya uxinzelelo, izoyikiso, kunye nemizamo yokukulawula.

U-Myers ukwacacisa ukuba ukuqikelela iimvakalelo kunye neenkumbulo zamava adlulileyo angenza imeko yangoku kubonakala njengokumngcolisa.

“Ukuba siphendula umntu ngenxa yoloyiko okanye ukungazithembi - sikholelwa ekubeni ukuthi hayi okanye ukubamba umda kuya kukhokelela ekugatweni- oku kungaziva kungathi kukungcungcuthekiswa ngokweemvakalelo. Nangona kunjalo, ingangumbono ongachanekanga wento eyakwenzeka ngenene, ”utshilo uMyers.

Hlalani nizolile kwaye nimi ngxi

Umntu ozama ukukukhohlisa unokukutyhalela ukuba uphendule kwangoko. Xa ukhathazekile kwaye usoyika, unganikezela ngaphambi kokujonga ngokupheleleyo ezinye izinto ezinokwenzeka.

Le yinxalenye yesizathu sokuba i-blackmail isebenze. Endaweni yoko, hlala uzolile ngokunokwenzeka kwaye ubazise ukuba ufuna ixesha.

Zama ukungafani, "Andikwazi ukwenza isigqibo ngoku. Ndiza kuyicinga kwaye ndikunike impendulo kamva. "

Basenokuqhubeka bekucinezela ukuba uthathe isigqibo kwangoko, kodwa ungabuyeli umva (okanye unyukele kwizisongelo). Phinda ngokuzolileyo ukuba ufuna ixesha.

Qalisa incoko

Ixesha ozithengayo linokukunceda uphuhlise isicwangciso. Indlela yakho inokuxhomekeka kwiimeko, kubandakanya indlela yokuziphatha kunye nebango.

"Okokuqala, vavanya ukhuseleko lomntu," ucebisa u-Myers. "Ukuba uziva ukhuselekile ngokwasemoyeni nasemzimbeni ngokwenza oko, ungathetha."

Uninzi lwama-blackmailers luyazi kakuhle into abayenzayo. Bafuna ukuba iimfuno zabo zidibane kwaye bangakhathali nokuba oku kubiza malini na.

Abanye babona nje indlela abaziphethe ngayo njengesicwangciso esiphumeza iinjongo zabo kwaye bangayiqondi indlela ekuchaphazela ngayo. Apha, incoko inokunceda ukwandisa ulwazi lwabo.

"Chaza indlela amagama abo okanye indlela abaziphethe ngayo ekwenza uzive ngayo," ucebisa watsho u-Myers. Banike ithuba lokutshintsha ezo ndlela baziphethe ngayo. ”

Chonga izinto ezibangela ukuba ubange

Umntu ozama ukukukhohlisa ngokubanzi unoluvo oluhle lokuba ucofa njani amaqhosha akho.

Ukuba awukuthandi ukuphikisana esidlangalaleni, umzekelo, mhlawumbi basongela ukwenza indawo.

Ngokuka-Myers, ukwandisa ukuqonda kwakho koloyiko okanye iinkolelo ezinika i-blackmailer amandla kunokunika ithuba lokuthatha loo mandla. Oku kuyakwenza nzima ngakumbi komnye umntu ukuzisebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe.

Kulo mzekelo mnye, mhlawumbi oko kuthetha ukwazi ukuba iingxoxo zikawonke-wonke yindawo ebuhlungu kuwe kwaye uza nempendulo esemgangathweni kolu loyikiso.

Babhalise kulungelelwaniso

Xa unika omnye umntu ithuba lokukunceda ufumane esinye isisombululo, ukwala kwakho kungabonakala kufana.

Qala ngesitatimende esiqinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo, emva koko uvule ucango ekusombululeni iingxaki.

Mhlawumbi uxelela iqabane lakho, "Ndiyakuva uziva unomsindo kuba ndichitha impelaveki nabahlobo bam. Ungandinceda ndiqonde ukuba kutheni ukhathazeke kangaka? ”

Oku kubonisa omnye umntu omkhathaleleyo malunga nendlela abavakalelwa ngayo kwaye ubazise ukuba uzimisele ukusebenza nabo.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku

Ukuba ufumana ukuphathwa gadalala ngokungaguquguqukiyo okanye ukuphathwa gadalala ngokweemvakalelo, kungangcono ukuba ungakhawulezi ujongane nomntu.

Endaweni yoko, jonga ukufikelela kumnxeba woncedo weengxaki. Abacebisi abaziingxaki abaqeqeshiweyo banikezela ngoncedo lwasimahla, olungaziwayo kunye nenkxaso, 24/7. Zama:

• Umgca weSicatshulwa seCrisis
• Inombolo Yomnxeba Yesizwe Yodushe Lwasekhaya

Kuthekani ukuba bazisongela ngokuzenzakalisa?

Ukuba umntu othile uzisongela ngokuzenzakalisa ngaphandle kokuba wenze into abayithethayo, unokuziva ufuna ngakumbi ukunikezela.

Khumbula: Unokulawula kuphela eyakho iintshukumo. Nokuba umkhathalele kangakanani umntu, awunakukhetha yena.

Ukudibanisa ukunceda kunye nenkxaso (njenge-911 okanye umgca weengxaki) yindlela enempilo, ekhuselekileyo kubo bobabini.

Umgca wezantsi

I-Sarcasm, ubudlelwane "iimvavanyo," ityala elingafanelekanga, izoyikiso ezichaziweyo, kunye noloyiko, uxanduva, kunye netyala abazivelelayo kuwe ziimpawu zokwenza ububi ngokweemvakalelo.

Ukunikezela kungabonakala njengeyona ndlela yokugcina uxolo, kodwa ukuthobela kuhlala kukhokelela ekukhohliseni okungaphaya.

Ngamanye amaxesha, unokukwazi ukuqiqa naloo mntu, kodwa kwabanye, kungangcono ubuphelise ubudlelwane okanye ufune uncedo kwiphilisi eqeqeshiweyo.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.