Ukujongwa kwesi sizathu sokuba ubudlelwane butshintsha emva kokuba ubenomntwana

Umxholo

• Usana olutsha, olutsha, yonke into entsha
• “Ukuba anenzi nto, ubudlelwane buya kohloka - niza kuba ngabazali bobabini niphikisana ngemisebenzi. Kufuneka ubeke umsebenzi kulwalamano ukuze uhlale ungatshintshi, kwaye usebenze nzima nangakumbi ukuwuphucula. ”
• 1. Unxibelelwano luba ngumcimbi
• 2. Uyayikhumbula imeko yokuzenzekelayo ye ezindala (kwaye kulungile)
• 3. Iiblue blues ziyinyani- kwaye zenza yonke into ibe nzima
• 4. Isini - yintoni isondo?
• 5. Ukwahlulahlula uxanduvaayonto ilula
• 6. Ukusilela kwe ‘Mna’ ixesha
• 7. Iindlela ezahlukileyo zokuba ngumzali Unokongeza uxinzelelo olongezelelekileyo
• 8. Kodwa hey, womelele ngayo

Kodwa akukho konke okubi. Nazi iindlela esele zenziwe-zokuba abazali bafumane izinto ezinzima.

“Phambi kokuba mna nomyeni wam uTom sibe nosana, ngokwenyani zange silwe. Emva koko saba nosana, salwa amaxesha onke, utshilo uJancee Dunn, umama kunye nombhali, oqhubeke wabhala incwadi enomxholo othi "Ungamthiyi njani umyeni wakho emva kwaBantwana." Ukuba naliphi na icandelo lebali likaDunn livakala liqhelekile- ukulwa okanye ukuzonda- awuwedwa.

Usana olutsha, olutsha, yonke into entsha

Umzali unako ngokwenene tshintsha ubudlelwane. Emva kwakho konke, uxinezelekile, ulala ubuthongo, kwaye ngokulula awunakubeka ulwalamano lwakho phambili kwakhona - ubuncinci ngelixa usandul 'ukuzalwa olungenakuzenzela nto.

"Siyazi ngophando ukuba ubudlelwane obunganikelwanga ngqalelo buya kuba bubi kakhulu," utshilo uTracy K. Ross, uLCSW, isibini kunye nonyango losapho eRedesigning Relationships kwisiXeko saseNew York. Wongeza athi:

“Ukuba anenzi nto, ubudlelwane buya kohloka - niza kuba ngabazali bobabini niphikisana ngemisebenzi. Kufuneka ubeke umsebenzi kulwalamano ukuze uhlale ungatshintshi, kwaye usebenze nzima nangakumbi ukuwuphucula. ”

Oko kuvakala ngathi kuninzi, ngakumbi xa sele ujongene notshintsho oluninzi. Kodwa kuyanceda ukwazi ukuba uninzi lweendlela ubudlelwane bakho obutshintsha ngayo ziqhelekile kwaye kukho izinto onokuzenza ukuze usebenze ngazo.

Ezi zezinye zeendlela eziqhelekileyo zokutshintsha kobudlelwane emva kokuba izibini zibe ngabazali.

1. Unxibelelwano luba ngumcimbi

“Mna nomyeni wam bekufuneka sibolekisane ngokulala, ke… bekungekho nokuthetha omnye nomnye,” utsho uJaclyn Langenkamp, ​​umama waseHilliard, eOhio, owenza iibhlog kuMama Oyintsikelelo. “Xa babenjalo bethetha omnye nomnye, yayikukuthi, 'Yiyani kundithathela ibhotile' okanye 'Lithuba lakho lokuba umbambe ngelixesha ndihlambayo.' Iingxoxo zethu zazifana neemfuno, kwaye sobabini sasicaphukisana. ”

Xa unakekela umntwana osandul 'ukuzalwa, awunalo ixesha namandla okwenza zonke izinto ezigcina ubudlelwane bomelele.

URoss uthi: "Ubudlelwane buphumelela ngokuchitha ixesha kunye, ubambe loo mntu engqondweni yakho kwaye uqhagamshele kwaye ubamamele," utshilo uRoss. “Kufuneka uyibeke phambili- hayi iiveki zokuqala ezi-6 zobomi bosana- kodwa emva koko kufuneka ubenexesha neqabane lakho, nokuba lixesha elincinci lokujonga omnye nomnye kwaye ungathethi ngomntwana. ”

Oku kunokuthetha ukucwangciswa kwamalungiselelo, njengokufumana umntu ohleliyo, ukuba nelungu losapho abukele usana, okanye ukucwangcisa ukuchitha ixesha kunye emva kokuba usana luye ebusuku - kanye emva kokuba belele kwishedyuli eqikelelweyo, oko kukuthi.

Le ndlela kulula ukuyithetha kunokuba uyenzile, kodwa nokuba uhamba kancinci ujikeleze ibhloko kunye okanye ukutya isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye kungahamba indlela ende ekuncedeni wena neqabane lakho nixhumane kwaye ninxibelelana.

2. Uyayikhumbula imeko yokuzenzekelayo ye ezindala (kwaye kulungile)

Ukwenza olo nxibelelwano kuya kujongeka kwahluke kakhulu emva kokuba unomntwana. Mhlawumbi uye wahamba ngokukhawuleza ngobusuku bomhla ukuzama indawo yokutyela entsha okanye uchithe ukuhamba ngeveki kunye neenkampu kunye.

Kodwa ngoku, uvakalelo lokungakhathali oluthanda ukugcina ubudlelwane obonwabisayo buhle kakhulu ngaphandle kwefestile. Kwaye ukulungiselela ukuphuma kukodwa kufuna ukucwangciswa kokuhamba kunye nokulungiselela (iibhotile, iingxowa ze-diaper, abagcini babantwana, nokunye okuninzi).

"Ndicinga ukuba kulungile ukuba nexesha lokulila apho uthi ndlela-ntle kubomi bakho bakudala, obuninzi," utsho uDunn. "Kwaye wenze iqhinga lokucinga ngeendlela zokudibanisa, nokuba incinci kangakanani, kubomi bakho obudala. Mna nomyeni wam sithatha imizuzu eli-15 yonke imihla ukuthetha ngayo nantoni na ngaphandle komntwana wethu kunye nokuhamba ngendlela efana nenyani yokuba sidinga iitawuli zamaphepha ngaphezulu. Sizama ukwenza izinto ezintsha kunye - akufuneki ukuba sibhabhe esibhakabhakeni, kunokuba kukuzama indawo yokutyela entsha. Ukuzama izinto ezintsha kukhumbula ubomi bethu ngaphambi komntwana. ”

Kwaye kulungile ukutshintsha indlela ocinga ngayo yokuchitha ixesha kunye kwaye ube luhlobo lwabantu abaceba phambili ngakumbi. Heck, cwangcisa ixesha lomnye kwikhalenda ukuze unamathele kuyo.

URoss uthi: “Yiba nesicwangciso, kodwa ube nesicwangciso sokwenene. "Zikhumbuze ukuba nibadala abantu abachitha ixesha kunye kuba nithanda ukuchitha ixesha kunye."

U-Langenkamp uthi yena nomyeni wakhe nabo, ekuhambeni kwexesha, bayile indlela yokwenza ixesha lesibini basebenze nosana.

"Ngelixa ixesha lethu lomgangatho kunye sinokungafani ngokufanayo naphambi kokuba umntwana wethu abekhona emfanekisweni, sizama ukuba neenjongo zokufumana ixesha lokuba kunye nalo," utshilo uLangenkamp. “Endaweni yokubaleka ngempelaveki, asinayo 'imisebenzi yasekhaya'. Endaweni yokuya kwisidlo sangokuhlwa nakwimovie, siyalela isidlo sangokuhlwa ngaphakathi, kwaye sibukele imovie yeNetflix. Asizilahli iimbopheleleko zethu zobuzali, kodwa ke siyazonwabela - okanye ngamanye amaxesha siphumelele kuzo - kunye. "

3. Iiblue blues ziyinyani- kwaye zenza yonke into ibe nzima

Ngaba singathetha ngeemvakalelo zasemva kokubeleka? Nokuba awunalo uxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka okanye unxunguphalo, kunokwenzeka ukuba uzive uguqajiko lweemvakalelo-ezenza ama-80 epesenti oomama bokukhulelwa babe namava ebaby blues. Masingakulibali ngootata abanokufumana uxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka.

"Akwaba umntu ebenditsalele bucala wathi kum, 'Mamela, kuya kuba nzima kakhulu kuwe ukuba uhambe,' utshilo u-Amna Husain, MD, FAAP, ongumama womntwana omncinci kunye nomseki wePure Direct IPediatrics.

"Wonke umntu ulungiselela ukungalali ebusuku kodwa akukho mntu uthi," Owu, umzimba wakho uzakuva ukuba ulungile okwethutyana. ’Kuza kuba nzima ukuya kwindlu yangasese. Kuza kuba nzima ukuphakama. Kuza kuba nzima ukunxiba ibhulukhwe. "

Ke phakathi kotshintsho lwehomoni, ukungalali kakuhle, kunye noxinzelelo oluza nosana olusandul 'ukuzalwa, ayimangalisi into yokuba ungazifumana sele uqhwaba iqabane lakho kwaye uzibeke emazantsi kuluhlu lwakho oluphambili.

Yazi ukuba ezi mpawu kufuneka zibe zezokwexeshana - ukuba azibonakali ngathi ziyaphucuka, thetha nogqirha wakho ngoko nangoko. Okwangoku, yenza konke onako ukuzama ukunxibelelana ngobubele neqabane lakho.

4. Isini - yintoni isondo?

Xa kuziwa kwisondo, unayo yonke into esiyithethileyo kude kube ngoku isebenza ngokuchasene nawe. Awunaxesha, umzimba wakho uyimbudumbudu kwaye uyacaphuka neqabane lakho.

Kwaye, ukugutyungelwa kukutshica kunye nokutshintsha ii-diapers ezili-12 ezimdaka ngemini ayikubeki kwimeko. Ukuba uncancisa, unokufumana ukoma kwilungu lobufazi elithetha ukuba umnqweno wakho mhlawumbi unqabile. Kodwa isondo sinokuba yindlela entle yokuqhagamshela kwakhona kwaye uchithe ixesha elincinci neqabane lakho.

Khumbula: Xa kufikwa kwisini kulungile ukuthatha kancinci. Kungenxa yokuba ugqirha akunike isibane esiluhlaza akuthethi ukuba kuya kufuneka ungxamile.

Lana Banegas, LMFT, umtshato kunye nonyango lweentsapho olusebenza eThe Marriage Point eMarietta, eGeorgia, "Enye indlela yokuba abantu abatshatileyo baqinisekise ukuba ukungabikho kwesondo akubi yinto engapheliyo."

Le yenye indawo apho wonke umsebenzi owenzayo unxibelelana kunye nokuchitha ixesha kunye kubalulekile.

UFran Walfish, PsyD, usapho kunye nobuchwephesha kwezolwalamano kunye nombhali we "The Self-Aware Parent," ulumkisa ngelithi "ukwehla kwesini, ukuboniswa kwangaphambili, kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini kuhlala kungumqondiso wonxibelelwano olubi kunye nokudodobala ngokuthe ngcembe okunokwakha phakathi kwesi sibini."

Ukubuyela kumkhondo kwigumbi lokulala, ukhuthaza izibini ukuba zenze ixesha lokwabelana ngesondo kwaye zikhangele iindlela zokwenza xa umntwana wabo esekhaya, njengakwixesha lokulala.

Ngokuqinisekileyo tyala imali kwi-lube ethile.

5. Ukwahlulahlula uxanduvaayonto ilula

Kubo nabuphi na ubudlelwane, omnye umntu unokuziva enoxinzelelo ngakumbi ukuba athathe uxanduva lokukhulisa abantwana ngaphezulu komnye. Oko kungamshiya loo mntu enenzondo komnye.

Ngoxa wayesenza uphando ngencwadi yakhe, uDunn wafumanisa ukuba “oomama abaninzi bayacaphuka xa umyeni wabo erhona xa umntwana elila ebusuku.” Kodwa uphando lokulala lubonisa ukuba olu luphawu lokuzivelela kwezinto.

KwiZiko leSizwe lezeMpilo, "Ukuvavanywa kobuchopho kubonise ukuba, kwabasetyhini, iipateni zomsebenzi wobuchopho zitshintshele ngokukhawuleza kwindlela yokumamela xa besiva ukukhala kweentsana, ngelixa iingqondo zamadoda zihlala zikwimeko yokuphumla. "

Oku kunengqiqo.

Ke ngelixa elinye iqabane lisenokungabikho ndiyazama ukushiya umsebenzi othile komnye umntu - njengokuvuka nosana ezinzulwini zobusuku - inokwenzeka. Kulapho kucace gca kwaye unobubele unxibelelwano lubalulekile. Ukuba nezingxoxo zokuhlala phantsi ukuze uthathe isigqibo malunga nokwenza imisebenzi yobuzali kunokuba luncedo kakhulu kwaye kuthintele iimpikiswano.

Ukubetha iqabane lakho ngomqamelo ukuze uvuke ezinzulwini zobusuku, ngelixa ulinga, akusebenzi.

"Ndicinga ukuba kubalulekile ukuyikhupha," utshilo uHusain. "Ndicinga ukuba sinokuba netyala lokucinga ukuba omnye umntu uza kufunda ingqondo yethu." Yiba nesicwangciso kodwa ubuye ube bhetyebhetye, kuba ayizizo zonke iimeko eziqikelelweyo, utshilo.

Umzekelo, u-Husain uthi umntwana wakhe wazalwa ngelixa egqibezela ukuhlala kwakhe, into ethetha ukuba wayehlala ebizwa njengogqirha. Uthi: "Umyeni wam wayelala kufutshane nebhedi yomntwana xa nditsalelwa umnxeba." “Ngale ndlela, wayeza kuqala avuke amkhathalele.”

U-Husain uthi wayehlala eziva ebotshelelwe esitulweni xa encancisa, ngakumbi xa usana lwakhe lwalukhula ngokukhawuleza kwaye longa rhoqo. Ngalo maxesha, kwakubalulekile kuye ukuba umyeni wakhe athathe imisebenzi angakwaziyo.

Ucebisa ukuba oomama abasebenzayo abapompa bacele amaqabane abo ukuba akhathalele ukuhlamba iinxalenye zempompo, kuba ukumpompa ngokwakho kunokuba noxinzelelo kwaye kuthathe ixesha kusuku lwakhe oluxakekileyo -o ngumsebenzi onxulumene nalo iqabane elinokuthi lithathe kulo ukunciphisa umthwalo.

“Kubalulekile ukukhathalelana, ukuzama ukuba ngoyena nobalaseleyo omnye komnye. Yijonge ngale ndlela, ”utsho uRoss. “Awahluli nje imisebenzi yasekhaya. Yijonge njengokuba, 'Sikule nto sikunye.' ”

6. Ukusilela kwe ‘Mna’ ixesha

Ixesha lakho kunye alitshintshi wakuba unabantwana, ixesha lakho ngokwakho lihlala linjalo. Ngapha koko, usenokungabinayo nayiphi na.

Kodwa uRoss uthi kubalulekile ukubuzana ngexesha elifunekayo lokuzikhathalela kunye nokuncedisana.

URoss uthi: "Kulungile ukufuna ixesha lakho, ukuya kwindawo yokuzivocavoca okanye ubone abahlobo okanye ukuya kwenza iinzipho zakho," utshilo. "Abazali abatsha kufuneka bongeze udidi kwincoko: 'Siza kuzigcina njani? Siza kuzigcina njani? ”

Elo khefu kunye nexesha lokuziva ngathi ungaphambi komntwana wakho unokuhamba indlela ende ekwenzeni amaqabane alungileyo kunye nabazali abalungileyo.

7. Iindlela ezahlukileyo zokuba ngumzali Unokongeza uxinzelelo olongezelelekileyo

Unokufumanisa ukuba wena kunye nomzali wakho weqabane ngokwahlukileyo kwaye kulungile, utsho uRoss. Ungathetha ngako nakuphi na ukungavisisani okukhulu kwaye uthathe izigqibo malunga nendlela eniza kusebenza ngayo njengeqela, nokuba kukufumana ulungelelwaniso kwimiba ethile, uhamba nendlela yomzali omnye, okanye ngentlonipho uvuma ukungavumelani.

Ukuba umahluko uyinto encinci, unokufuna ukuwuyeka uhambe.

"Kukho imeko eqhelekileyo apho abantu basetyhini bafuna amaqabane abo ukuba enze okungakumbi kodwa i-micromanage kwaye angabaniki ndawo yokwenza," utshilo uRoss. “Ukuba ufuna ukuba ngumzali osebenzisana, vumelanani ukuba nenze izinto kwaye ningasebenzisi migaqo mincinci.

Mhlawumbi kukho izinto ezithile ongekhe ume kuzo ukuba wenze ngendlela ethile kwaye uthethe ngazo kodwa ujolise ekuyekeni izinto ozenzayo unako yima. Xa omnye umzali ekhona, lixesha labo lokuba ngumzali. "

8. Kodwa hey, womelele ngayo

Ngaphandle kwako konke ukubetha okunzima ubudlelwane obunokuthatha emva kokuba nomntwana, abantu abaninzi baxela ukuba iqhina labo liya lisomelela kwaye linzulu. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, awuyontanga nje, uyi usapho ngoku, kwaye ukuba ungasebenza ngokurhabaxa, uyakube usakha isiseko esomeleleyo ukukunceda ujonge amahla ndinyuka obuzali.

UDunn uthi: “Sithe sakuphumeza iinkqubo ezintsha- ezibandakanya neentlanganiso zokungena qho ngeveki ezidikayo kodwa eziyimfuneko- ubudlelwane bethu bukhule buqina,” utshilo uDunn.

Simanyene ekuthandeni intombi yethu, nto leyo yongeza imeko entsha kubudlelwane bethu. Kwaye sabangcono kulawulo lwexesha kwaye salungisa ngokungenalusini izinto ezazisityhafisa. Kukho isizathu sokuba abantu bathi ukuba nabantwana yeyona nto ibalaseleyo abakhe bayenza! "

U-Elena Donovan Mauer ngumbhali kunye nomhleli egxile kwizihloko ahlala kuzo kwaye azithandayo: ukuba ngumzali, indlela yokuphila, impilo kunye nokuba sempilweni. Ukongeza kwi-Healthline, umsebenzi wakhe uvele kubazali, ukuba ngumzali, i-Bump, i-CafeMom, i-Real Simple, i-Self, i-Care.com kunye nokunye. U-Elena ukwangumama webhola ekhatywayo, unjingalwazi odibeneyo, kunye nomthandi we-taco, onokufunyanwa ngokuthenga izinto zakudala kunye nokucula ekhitshini lakhe. Uhlala e-Hudson Valley yaseNew York nomyeni wakhe noonyana bakhe ababini.