Ukubuyela ekuzithandeni kunye nesondo emva kokuPhuma kwesisu

Umxholo

• Ukujamelana neNzondo kunye nokuTyala
• Xa Iqhubela kubudlelwane
• Ukwakha kwakhona ukuzithanda kunye nobudlelwane obunothando
• Ukuyithatha Ngenye imini ngexesha
• Uphengululo lwe

U-Amy-Jo, oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala, akazange aqaphele ukuphuka kwakhe kwamanzi-wayeneeveki ezili-17 kuphela ekhulelwe. Kwiveki kamva, wazala unyana, uChandler, ongasindanga.

“Yayisikukukhulelwa kwam kokuqala, ngoko ndandingazi [ukuba amanzi am ophukile],” utsho Ubume.

Kwakubhaliwe kwathiwa i-trimester yesibini yokuphuma kwesisu, nangona u-Amy-Jo esithi akayithandi loo ilebula. "Ndi ezelwe uyacacisa. Oko kuzala kwangaphambi kokuzalwa komntwana kunye nokulahleka komntwana wakhe wokuqala kwaguqula indlela awayeziva ngayo ngomzimba wakhe kunye nokuzithemba kwakhe, uyachaza. Ukuphunyelwa sisisu)

"Okwesibini ebephumile emzimbeni wam, umzimba wam utyhafile, kwaye ngenxa yoko, ndaphambuka," utshilo u-Amy-Jo, ohlala eNiceville, eFlorida. "Ndijikile ndangena ngaphakathi, kodwa hayi ngendlela esempilweni, ndizikhusela. Bendi ziingxala. Bekunokwenzeka njani ukuba ndingazi? Umzimba wam ubungenokwazi njani kwaye umkhusele? Kusafuneka ndilususe [olu luvo] ngaphandle kwam intloko ukuba umzimba wam wambulala. "

Ukujamelana neNzondo kunye nokuTyala

U-Amy-Jo akayedwa; iimpembelelo zokuphila kakuhle, iimbaleki, kunye nosaziwayo abanjengoBeyoncé kunye noWhitney Port bonke babelane ngamava abo anzima okuphuma kwesisu esidlangalaleni ngokunjalo, bencedisa ukuqaqambisa ukuba kwenzeka kaninzi kangakanani.

Ngapha koko, kuqikelelwa ukuba iipesenti ezili-10 ukuya kwezi-20 zokukhulelwa okuqinisekisiweyo kuphelela ekuphumeni kwesisu, uninzi lwazo lwenzeka kwikota yokuqala, ngokwe-Mayo Clinic. Kodwa ukuqheleka kokulahleka kokukhulelwa akwenzi amava ukuba anyamezeleke. Uphononongo lubonise ukuba abasetyhini banokufumana iziqendu ezibalulekileyo zokudakumba kwiinyanga ezintandathu emva kokuphunyelwa sisisu kwaye i-1 kwabasetyhini abali-10 abakhe baphulukana nokukhulelwa baya kuhlangabezana neendlela zokudakumba okukhulu. Ingxelo yeepesenti ezingama-74 yababoneleli bezempilo bacinga ukuba "inkxaso yesiqhelo yengqondo kufuneka ibonelelwe emva kokuphuma kwesisu," kodwa yiipesenti ezili-11 kuphela ezikholelwa ukuba ukhathalelo lubonelelwa ngokwaneleyo okanye konke konke.

Kwaye ngelixa wonke umntu eza kujongana nokuphuma kwesisu ngokwahlukileyo, abantu abaninzi baxela ukuba baziva benenzondo ngemizimba yabo. Oku, ngokuyinxenye, kuyilwe yimvakalelo yokukhohlisa yokuzibek 'ityala kwabasetyhini abaninzi abaziva emva kokuphuma kwesisu. Xa inkcubeko igxininise abafazi (nangona besebancinane kakhulu) ngomyalezo othi imizimba yabo "yenziwe" ukuba ibe nabantwana, into eqhelekileyo njengokulahleka kokukhulelwa inokuvakalelwa njengokungcatsha ngokomzimba-isiphako somntu esinokubangela ukuzithiya. kunye neentloni zomzimba zangaphakathi.

UMegan, 34, waseCharlotte, eMantla Carolina, uthi iingcinga zakhe zokuqala emva kokufumana isisu sokuqala kwisisu sokuqala kukuba umzimba wakhe "usilele" kuye. Uthi wakhanyisa kwimibuzo enje, 'kutheni le nto ingandiphumelelanga' kwaye 'yintoni engalunganga ngam ukuba ndingakwazi ukuthwala ukukhulelwa?' Ucacisa. "Ndivakalelwa kukuba ndisenayo loo mvakalelo, ngakumbi ekubeni ndinabantu abaninzi bathi kum, 'Oo, emva kokulahlekelwa utyebile' okanye 'ndibe nokukhulelwa kwam emva kweeveki ezintlanu emva kokulahlekelwa kwam.' Zithe zakufika iinyanga zahamba [kwaye andikakwazi ukukhulelwa], ndaziva ndonwabile kwaye ndingcatshiwe kwakhona.

Xa Iqhubela kubudlelwane

Ukucaphuka abasetyhini abanokuziva ngemizimba yabo emva kokuphunyelwa sisisu kunokuchaphazela kakubi ukuzithemba kwabo, indlela abaziva ngayo, kunye nokukwazi ukuziva bekhululekile kwaye besondelene neqabane. Xa umntu obhinqileyo okhubazeke isisu ebalekela kuye, oko kunokuba nefuthe elibi kubudlelwane babo kunye nokukwazi ukuvuleleka, abasesichengeni, kunye nokusondelelana namaqabane abo.

Umyeni wam wayefuna nje ukulungisa yonke into,” utshilo uAmy-Jo. "Wayefuna nje ukuwola kunye nokugona kwaye ndandifana," Hayi. Kutheni ungandichukumisa?

Njengo-Amy-Jo, uMegan uthi le nto yokungcatshwa komzimba ichaphazele nokubanakho kwakhe ukuziva usondele kwiqabane lakhe. Emva kokuba enikwe ukukhanya okuluhlaza ngugqirha wakhe ukuba aqalise ukuzama ukukhulelwa kwakhona, uthi baziva bebophelelekile kunokuba babenomdla wokulala ngesondo-kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha, wayengenako ukucima ingqondo yakhe ixesha elide ukuze azivumele ukuba azaliseke ngokupheleleyo. usondelelene nomyeni wakhe.

"Ndinexhala lokuba wayecinga, 'Ewe, ukuba bendikunye nomntu owahlukileyo mhlawumbi bangamthwala umntwana wam baye kuye' okanye 'nantoni na ayenzileyo, [sesona sizathu] umntwana wethu akazange aqhubeke nokuphila," uyachaza. "Ndandinazo zonke ezi ngcinga zingenangqiqo ukuba, ngokwenene, wayengacingi okanye azive. Okwangoku, ndandisazixelela ukuba 'oku kulityala lam. Ukuba siphinda sikhulelwe kuya kwenzeka kwakhona,' " Ucacisa.

Kwaye ngelixa amaqabane angakhulelwanga ahlala enqwenela ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni emva kwelahleko njengendlela yokunxibelelana kwakhona namaqabane abo, ukubethelwa kweemvakalelo zomfazi kunye nomfanekiso womzimba wenza isini sasemva kokuphuphuma kwesisu sibeke, ukutsho kancinci. Oku kunqunyanyiswa-xa kungadityaniswa nonxibelelwano olucwangcisiweyo kwaye, kwiimeko ezininzi, unyango-kunokudala umsantsa kubudlelwane obenza ukuba kube nzima kakhulu kwizibini ukuba ziphilise njengabantu kwaye njengamaqabane athandanayo.

Uphononongo olupapashwe kwi Unyango lwePsychosomatic yafumanisa ukuba ngoxa ama-64 ekhulwini amabhinqa “aye asondelelana ngakumbi kulwalamano lwawo lwesibini [ngoko nangoko] emva kokuphunyelwa sisisu,” elo nani lehla kakhulu ekuhambeni kwexesha, yaye ngama-23 ekhulwini kuphela athi aziva esondelelene ngakumbi phakathi kwabantu nangokwesini kunyaka emva kokulahlekelwa. Uphononongo luka-2010 olupapashwe kwijenali IPediatrics bafumanise ukuba abantu abatshatileyo abaphulukane nokuphuphuma kwesisu ngama-22 eepesenti amathuba okuba bahlukane kunabo bakhulelweyo ngempumelelo. Oku kuyingxenye ngenxa yokuba amadoda nabasetyhini bathambekele ekubeni buhlungu ukulahlekelwa kokukhulelwa ngokuhlukileyo-izifundo ezininzi zibonise ukuba intlungu yamadoda ayinzima kakhulu, ayihlali ixesha elide, kwaye ayihambisani necala abafazi abaninzi abavakalelwa ngayo emva kokukhulelwa. ilahleko.

Oko akuthethi ukuba wonke umntu ofumana ukuphuphuma kwesisu akafuni ngesondo okanye kufuneka asebenze ngentlungu yakhe ukuze azive elungele ubuhlobo obusondeleyo kunye neqabane lakhe. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, akukho ndlela inye- mayibe nye "indlela elungileyo" yokusabela kwisisu okanye ukulahleka kokukhulelwa. UAmanda, 41, umama wabantwana ababini ohlala ngaphandle nje kweBaltimore, eMaryland, uthi wayekulungele ukulala ngesondo kwangoko emva kokuphuphuma kwesisu kaninzi, kwaye iqabane lakhe elifuna okufanayo lamnceda waphilisa.

Uthi: “Ndaziva ngathi ndikulungele ukwabelana ngesondo kwakhona. "Kwaye ngenxa yokuba umyeni wam wayefuna ukulala nam, kwaqinisekisa ukuba ndandisengumntu kwaye andizange ndichazwe ngamava, kubuhlungu njengokuba kwakunjalo."

Kodwa xa usabelana ngesondo emva kokuphuma kwesisu, kubalulekile ukuba ujonge ukuba kutheni. U-Amy-Jo uthi emva kwexesha lokulila "wajika iswitshi" waza waya kumyeni wakhe kunokuba ahlasele, elungele ukuzama ukukhulelwa kwakhona.

“Ndandifana nje, ‘ewe, masenze enye. Masenze oku,’ uyachaza. "Ukwabelana ngesondo kwakungasekho mnandi kuba ndandinengqondo ethi," Andizukusilela ngeli xesha. ' Emva kokuba umyeni wam ebambe, wayefana, 'kufuneka sithethe ngale nto. Oku akunempilo ukuba ufuna ukulala nam nje lungisa into ethile. '"

Kwaye kulapho usizi olufanelekileyo, ukujamelana, kunye nonxibelelwano-kokubini umntu ngamnye kunye neqabane-kuza kungena. (Related: UJames Van Der Beek Wabelana Ngesizathu Sokuba Sidinga Elinye Igama elithi "Ukuphuphuma Kwesisu" Kwisithuba Esinamandla)

Ukwakha kwakhona ukuzithanda kunye nobudlelwane obunothando

Ukuphulukana nokukhulelwa kuthathwa njengesiganeko sobomi esibuhlungu, kunye nentlungu ejikeleze eso siganeko inokuba nzima. Olunye uphononongo luka-2012 lufumanise ukuba abanye abantu basetyhini bayakukhathaza ukuphuma kwabo kwesisu iminyaka emva kokuba yenzekile kwaye bacebisa ukuba, kuba amadoda nabafazi baba buhlungu ngokwahlukileyo, kubandakanya neqabane elingakhulelwanga kwinkqubo yokulila kubalulekile. Ngaphambi kokuba isibini sigqibe kwelokuba siphinde sixhume ebhedini, kufuneka sizilele kunye.

Enye indlela yokwenza oku kukusebenzisa indlela yebali lokuzala, ubuchule obusetyenziswa ngokuqhelekileyo ziingcali zonyango kunye neengcali zempilo yengqondo ezinezigulane ezikule meko. Bahlala bekhuthazwa ukuba bachaze kwaye basebenze ngeengcamango zabo zangaphambili zentsapho, ukuzalwa, ukukhulelwa, kunye nokuzala-indlela ababekholelwa ngayo okanye ababecinga ngayo yonke into. Ke bayakhuthazwa ukuba bajolise kwindlela enyanisweni ephambuke ngayo kwesi sicwangciso santlandlolo, ukuze bacinge ngaphaya kweenjongo zokuzala, bahlangabezane nentlungu yabo kunye nakuphi na ukwenzakala, kwaye ke baqonde ukuba baphethe ibali labo kwaye Ungayibhala kwakhona njengoko beqhubela phambili. Umbono kukuphinda wenze elinye iyelenqe: Ilahleko ayithethi ukuphela kwebali, kodwa endaweni yokutshintsha ibali elinokubangela isiqalo esitsha.

Ngaphandle koko, unxibelelwano, ixesha, kunye nokufumana ezinye izinto ezingabandakanyi isondo kubalulekile ekumiseni kwakhona isiqu sakho, ukuzithemba, kunye nokunxibelelana emva kwelahleko. (Idibeneyo: Izinto ezi-5 Wonke umntu kufuneka azi malunga nezesondo kunye nobudlelwane, ngokwe-Therapist)

“Ukusukela oko ndaphulukana nobomi bam, bendizibhokoxa kusapho lwam, emsebenzini, ndisenza umthambo ukuze ndizikhumbuze ukuba umzimba wam uyakwazi ukwenza izinto ezinkulu,” utsho uMegan. "Umzimba wam uyandivusa rhoqo kusasa, kwaye ndiphilile kwaye ndomelele. Ndizikhumbuza ngento endinokuyenza kunye nento endiyenzileyo ngobomi bam ukuza kuthi ga ngoku."

Ku-Amy-Jo, ukuchitha ixesha kunye neqabane lakhe ngeendlela ezingezizo ezokwabelana ngesondo nako kwamnceda yena nomyeni wakhe banandipha ubudlelwane obungakhange bugxile ekuzameni ukukhulelwa okanye ukulungisa into ayibonayo ukuba "yaphukile."

"Eyona nto ekugqibeleni yasifumana apho kukwenza izinto kunye ezazingezizo ezokwabelana ngesondo," utshilo. "Ukuhlala nje kunye kwaye sikhululekile phakathi komnye nomnye-kwakunjengalezi zincinci zokuba nje kunye kunye kunye nokungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo obukhokelela kwisondo ngokwesondo ngendlela eqhelekileyo, yendalo. Uxinzelelo lwalungekho kwaye ndandingekho intloko yam malunga nokulungisa into, bendikulo mzuzu ndakhululeka. "

Ukuyithatha Ngenye imini ngexesha

Kwakhona kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba indlela oziva ngayo ngomzimba wakho unako kwaye mhlawumbi uya kutshintsha imihla ngemihla. U-Amy-Jo ukusukela oko wazala umntwana wakhe wesibini, oyintombi, kunye noxinzelelo malunga nolo lwazi-intombi yakhe yazalwa iiveki ezili-15 ngaphambi kwexesha-wazisa ngemicimbi emitsha ejikeleze ukwamkelwa komzimba kunye nothando analo ngoku. (Ngakumbi apha: Ndifunde njani ukuthemba umzimba wam kwakhona emva kokutshata)

Namhlanje, uAmy-Jo uthi "ufana" nomzimba wakhe, kodwa akafundanga ukuwuthanda ngokupheleleyo kwakhona. "Ndiyafika apho." Kwaye njengoko olo lwalamano kunye nomzimba wakhe luqhubeka nokuvela, ngokunjalo, ubudlelwane bakhe neqabane lakhe kunye nobomi babo besondo. Ngokufana nokukhulelwa ngokwako, kuthatha ixesha kunye nenkxaso ukulungelelanisa "okuqhelekileyo" okulandela ilahleko engalindelekanga.

UJessica Zucker yingcali yengqondo esekwe eLos Angeles egxile kwimpilo yokuzala, umyili wephulo le-#IHadaMiscarriage, umbhali we NDABE NE-MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement (Feminist Press + Penguin Random House Audio).

Uphengululo lwe