Imibuzo eyi-8 omawuyibuze ngaphambi kokuba ulale naye

Umxholo

• Ngaba Uvavanyiwe?
• Ingaba utshatile?
• Ngaba Uyawuthanda Umsebenzi Wakho?
• Imoto entle! Ngaba Yiloo Nto Uyisebenzisayo Ukuchola Amantshontsho?
• Ngaba Ungabahlobo ne-Ex yakho?
• Usuku lweNwele olubi, Huh?
• Yintoni Endiyilindeleyo?
• Ngaba Ndilungile Asoze ndiphinde ndimbone?
• Uphengululo lwe

Ngaphandle kwento esitshela yona ngeemovie, akukho mgaqo unzima kwaye ukhawulezileyo malunga nokuba kufuneka ulale nini nomntu wakho omtsha okokuqala. Mhlawumbi yimizuzu emihlanu emva kokuba udibana naye, okanye mhlawumbi emva komtshato-akukho mgwebo!

Kodwa nokuba ulinde ixesha elingakanani, kukho imibuzo ethile kuwe isidingo ukubuza iqabane lakho kunye nawe ngaphambi kokuba ungene ebhedini. Ezinye ziyacaca-phantse wonke umntu uyazi ukubuza malunga nee-STIs kunye nolawulo lokuzalwa, kwaye iyavakala into yokuba nencoko malunga nokuba ubudlelwane buhamba buya phi. Kodwa eminye imibuzo ayithethi ngokuthe ngqo. Umzekelo, umbuza njani umfana osandul 'ukudibana naye ukuba ungumntu okhukhumeleyo ozingcayo ebhedini? Lula: Awunayo. Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba awukwazi ukuyifumana ngemibuzo engephi ethe ngqo. Sithethile neengcali, kubandakanya igosa langaphambili leCIA, ukufumana ukuba yeyiphi iimpendulo ozifunayo ngaphambi kokuba usondelelane naye-kwaye yeyiphi imibuzo efanelekileyo ukubona iiflegi ezibomvu.

Ngaba Uvavanyiwe?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Ii-STIs lishishini elinobuzaza, kwaye oko kuthetha ukuba awunakukwazi ukugqabhuka ngesihloko ngenxa yokuba singahambelani nomoya, utsho umphandi wezesondo lomntu uNicole Prause, Ph.D. "Idatha ibonisa ukuba xa abantu besithi 'ndicocekile,' into abayithethayo kukuba abazange babone ukukhula okusebenzayo," kusho uPrause. "Kwaye xa besithi 'bavavanyiwe bacocekile,' bahlala bethetha nge-HIV kuphela. Ngoko ke imibuzo yokwabelana ngesondo kufuneka icace kakhulu!" Eyona ndlela ilula yokwenza le ncoko ingabi lula kukuzivavanya. "Esona sizathu sixhaphakileyo sokuba abantu bangazivezi ii-STIs kunye neqabane elinokubakho kungenxa yokuba abakavavanywa," utshilo uDebby Herbenick, Ph.D., unjingalwazi onxulumene naye kwiYunivesithi yase-Indiana kunye nombhali wencwadi esandula ukukhutshwa Ukuzilolonga kweCoregasm. "Bayazi ukuba umbuzo uza kubuyiselwa kubo. Zivavanye ngokwakho, kwaye incoko iya kuba lula kakhulu." (Ukubuza ngembali yovavanyo yenye yeeNgxoxo ezisi-7 oMawubenazo kuBomi obusempilweni beSex.)

Ingaba utshatile?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Nokuba obu bubudlelwane nje obuqhelekileyo, ufuna ukwazi ukuba ubona abanye abantu basetyhini. Kwaye kufuneka, utsho uHerbenick, kuba-umona ecaleni-kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba luhlobo luni lwemeko onokuthi uzifaka kuyo. Uninzi lwethu lucinga ukuba umntu othandana naye akajoli, kodwa, ewe, siwevile onke amabali. Ngokuqinisekileyo, umntu otshatileyo ngekhe aphume kwaye ayivume, kodwa ngokumbuza ngqo, uya kumbeka endaweni eyoneleyo kangangokuba angabinakho ukulala kakuhle, nokuba. Buza lo mbuzo ngendlela ehlekisayo, emva koko ungayisebenzisa njengelitye lokunyathela ukuze uthi, "Hayi, kodwa ngokunyanisekileyo, ngaba ubona abanye abantu basetyhini?" (Awuqinisekanga? Ngokutsho kolu Phando Lokungathembeki, ukukopa kuxhaphake kakhulu phakathi kwezibini ezitshatileyo kunokuba unokucinga.)

Ngaba Uyawuthanda Umsebenzi Wakho?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Ingaba wenza ntoni? Ngaba uyayonwabela? Lunjani usuku lomsebenzi oluqhelekileyo? Ngaba uyabathanda abantu osebenza nabo?

Sukumbuza yonke le mibuzo ngexesha elinye-awuyi kumbuza imibuzo, ngapha koko. Kodwa ukubuza imibuzo emine okanye emihlanu malunga nesihloko esinye yindlela elula yokubona ixoki, ngokwe-CIA ethathe umhlala-phantsi kwigosa elisebenza ngokufihlakeleyo. Foley, umbhali we I-CIA Street Smarts yaBasetyhini. "Kwi-CIA, sizama ukuba nebali elingaphezulu eliza kusinda kwimibuzo emithathu," ucacisa uFoley. "Emva kwemibuzo emithathu, kuye kubenzima ukugcina ikhava, ke ngoko sizama ukuhambisa incoko. Yiloo nto kanye elixoki eliza kuyenza." Akuyomfuneko ukuba umbambise kwinto eyakhayo ukuze ufumanise ukuba ulixoki na, vele unikele ingqalelo ekubeni uqala ukuphepha xa umgca wemibuzo ungena nzulu kakhulu. Kwaye khumbula: Ukuba uxoka ngento engenamsebenzi njengomsebenzi wakhe (nokuba kukwenzela nje ukuthanda), uyaxoka nangezinye izinto.

Imoto entle! Ngaba Yiloo Nto Uyisebenzisayo Ukuchola Amantshontsho?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

I-Flattery yinto yonke-xa uzama ukukhukhumala, utsho uFoley. Chonga ukuba unayo i-ego, ngokungaqhelekanga, ukuyiphulula. "Oku kubizwa ngokuba 'kukukhohlisa," utshilo uFoley. "Umfo oqhelekileyo, othobekileyo uya kuncoma ngobubele, okanye ade abe neentloni. Kodwa umntu onekratshi uya kusebenzisa amazwi akho njengento yokutsiba ukuze aqhayise ngaye okanye ngezenzo zakhe." Ukuba uthatha yonke into oyincomayo kwaye uyayilandela ngentetho yemizuzu eli-10 malunga nokumangalisa kwakhe, ngekhe abe ayilulo uhlobo lomntu ofuna ukulala naye (funda: ukuzingca, kunye nokuzingca ebhedini).

Ngaba Ungabahlobo ne-Ex yakho?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Indlela athetha ngayo malunga nobudlelwane obudlulileyo inokutyhila, utshilo ugqirha wezengqondo waseNew York uBen Michaelis, Ph.D., umbhali Into yakho enkulu elandelayo: Amanyathelo amaNcinci aliShumi okuHamba kwaye wonwabe. "Ukuba uhloniphekile xa uthetha ngomntu owayethandana naye, luphawu oluhle lokuba uya kuhlonipha nawe," kuchaza. Kunokuba nzima kancinci ukubuza umfana ngokungafihlisiyo ukuba aveze imbali yakhe yobudlelwane, ke khokelela kumbuzo ngolwazi (olungakhubekiyo) malunga. eyakho ubudlelwane obudlulileyo. "Kwi-CIA, sibiza oku 'nika ukufumana,' utshilo uFoley. "Xa unika ulwazi malunga nawe, omnye umntu uya kuziva enyanzelekile ukuba aphendule ngohlobo." (Ke kwakhona, Nasi isizathu sokuba Wena Akufunekanga Yiba nabahlobo ne-Ex yakho.)

Usuku lweNwele olubi, Huh?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Ukhuseleko lubalulekile, ngakumbi xa usondelelana neqabane elitsha. Kodwa ukuba udibene naye nje, ngekhe ube nethuba lokubona imibala yakhe yokwenyani. Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu ekukrokreleni ngumsindo okanye imicimbi yokulawula, yomibini enokuba yingxaki nokuba awuzukucwangcisa ukumbona kwakhona. Ukufumanisa ukuba ungumntu oqhelekileyo okanye ungumbulali onokuthi abekhona, uFoley ucebisa ukuba kusetyenziswe iqhinga "lokucaphukisana". Nantsi indlela esebenza ngayo: Mcaphukise ngokumteketisa ngobunono malunga nento aqhayisa ngayo ngokucacileyo, njengemoto yakhe entsha okanye iindevu zakhe ezilungiswe kakuhle. "Abantu abanobundlobongela bahlala bengakwazi ukuxhathisa i-poke efana nale," kusho uFoley. "Bayakucaphuka okanye babe nomsindo. Kungcono ukubona oku kuziphatha kuphuma ebharini, xa ujikelezwe ngabantu, kunakwigumbi lokulala." Khawukhumbule ukugcina ukukhanya. Awuzami ukumcaphukisa (kwaye abanye abafana banjalo ngokwenene banomdla ngeenwele zabo!).

Yintoni Endiyilindeleyo?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Ngaphambi kokuba ulale naye, kubalulekile ukuba uzibuze ukuba ufuna ntoni xa usabelana ngesondo kunye nobudlelwane. Iimvakalelo ezinamandla zihlala zifika xa izinto ozilindeleyo zophulwa, njengaxa ungalindelanga uphumelele ibhaso kwaye uchwayite, okanye ukhathazeke kakhulu ngokufa ngequbuliso, utshilo uPrause.Ngenxa yokuba udla ngokuthandana ngesondo ngaphambi kokuba kwenzeke, ukulindela kwakho kuphezulu. Oko kunokuba yingxaki ukuba awukulungelanga ukujongana nokuwa. Ayinamsebenzi nokuba ujonge ukuma kobusuku obunye okanye ubudlelwane bexesha elide (okanye into ephakathi), nyaniseka kwaye ube nenyani malunga noko ulindele ukuba kwenzeke ngentsasa elandelayo (kwaye yeyiphi imeko oyiyo. kulungile), utshilo.

Ngaba Ndilungile Asoze ndiphinde ndimbone?

Imifanekiso yeCorbis

Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukunyaniseka kuwe malunga nokuba ungamelana na nobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, ke uHerbenick ucebisa ngokujonga imeko enzima. "Ukuba impendulo yakho ngu-ewe, yiya kuyo," utshilo uHerbenick. "Kodwa ukuba hayi, ungafuna ukulinda kude kube ngu ewe, okanye de nilungele nobabini ukuba nolwalamano olunzulu ngakumbi.” (Okwangoku, asinguye yedwa onomsebenzi wesikolo owenziwe ngesondo! Khawuqwalasele Izinto Ezisi-8 Ezinqwenelwa Amabhinqa Azazi Ngesondo.)

Uphengululo lwe