Ngaba uBudlelwane obukhoyo kwakhona, obungekho kwaKwakhona bubi kwiMpilo yakho?

Umxholo

• Kutheni Zimbi Kuwe
• Wazi njani ukuba ufanele unikezele
• Ungayiphelisa njani (Ngokwenene)
• Uphengululo lwe

Newsflash: Ubume bobudlelwane "obunzima" abubi kuphela kwiprofayili yakho yemidiya yoluntu, ikwonakele nakwimpilo yakho iyonke.

U-Andrea Syrtash, ingcali kwezobudlelwane kunye nombhali uthi: ye Akalulo nje uhlobo lwakho (kwaye leyo yinto elungileyo). "Ubudlelwane obulungileyo nobusempilweni bunentembeko, unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, imbeko, kunye nokungaguquguquki-ezi zinto zilahlekile kubuninzi obuninzi nangaphandle kobudlelwane kwakhona." (Nazi iindlela ezili-10 ezingaqhelekanga zoMzimba wakho eziPhatha kuXinzelelo.)

Kutheni Zimbi Kuwe

Izinto zokuqala kuqala: Yintoni ekwileyibhile? Elona xesha lifanelekileyo lokuphinda-phinda, ulwalamano olungasasebenziyo kwakhona "ubudlelwane beebhayisikile." ULisa Brateman, ugqirha wezengqondo waseNew York kunye nengcali kwezobuhlobo uthi: "Kwaye oku kuhamba ngebhayisikile kubeka impilo yakho esichengeni." "Ukuhamba ngebhayisikili kuzisa iimvakalelo eziphindaphindiweyo zokungazinzi, ilahleko, ukuxhwaleka, kunye nokulimala. Lo mzekelo owonakalisayo ujongela phantsi ukuthembela kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo." (Lumkela ezi zinto zi-8 zikwenzakalisa ulwalamano lwakho.)

Ngamafutshane: Abo bakobu budlelwane buphazamisayo ngokweemvakalelo badla ngokuphumelela kumaxesha amnandi kwaye ngenene, bahlala kwizinto ezimbi. Ayikuphela nje ukuba olu hlobo lwe-roller coaster lukunika ukuguquka kwemizwelo enzulu, lukwanakho ukuphazamisa ngokuzithemba kwakho xa kuziwa kumzimba wakho, umsebenzi, kunye nokunye. "Ukuphindwaphindwa kwamva naphambili kubangela ukudana, ixhala, umsindo kunye noxinzelelo rhoqo," wongeza uBrateman.

Wazi njani ukuba ufanele unikezele

Ukuqhelana nobudlelwane kunokwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuhamba xa kuhamba nzima, ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo. Emva kwexeshana, ukutsalwa kweemvakalelo kunokushiya omabini amaqela engenanto kwaye emile. "Lixesha lokuba uqhubele phambili xa uziva uzame yonke into ukwenza ubudlelwane busebenze, kwaye kusenzima," utshilo uSyrtash. "Ukuba uye wayixoxa ngokukhululekileyo imiba yakho, wasebenza ukuyenza ibengcono, uthatha ixesha lokufunda ngento efunwa liqabane lakho kwaye wavakalisa into oyifunayo kwaye ayikacofa, ungaphula usazi ukuba uzame."

Siyayazi into oyicingayo: kulula ukuthetha kunokwenza. Nazi ezinye iiflegi ezinkulu ezibomvu ukuba lixesha lokuba uhambe ngeendlela zakho ezahlukeneyo:

1. Uva intlungu engaphezulu kunolonwabo kubudlelwane. Xa izinto zihlala zihlala zihamba, kulula ukuziva ungaqinisekanga, unomsindo kwaye ucaphuka. "Ekugqibeleni, ubudlelwane buza kuphela kukushiya ukuba uzive unomsindo kuwe kunye neqabane lakho okanye zombini ezinokubangela ukudakumba," kusho uBrateman. "Ukuziva ubambekile kuyakhathaza kwaye kuyadimaza kwaye kubambezela ukuzaliseka komntu."

2. Ulahlekelwa yesazisi sakho kwinkqubo. Hayi, uyindlu yokukhanya. Intsingiselo: Njengendlu yesibane emi yodwa embindini webhayi, nguwe kuphela obonelela ngokukhanya okuthe gqolo kwinkungu. Ngokuqinisekileyo, oku kunokuziva kungokwemvelo ukuba uzijonga njengomboneleli. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba akukho siphelo sokufumana nayiphi na inkxaso yeemvakalelo, uya kukhula ulicaphukele iqabane lakho. Okubi nakakhulu, uya kuqala ukuphulukana nokuqonda okuqinileyo kwezinto ozifunayo kunye nezifunayo kubudlelwane.

3. Imilinganiselo yokuziphatha kunye nokuziphatha kwakho akuhambelani.Izimvo zakho ngesondo, inkolo, ezopolitiko kunye nabantwana zibalulekile. Ngelixa kusenokubakho ezinye izinto okhululekileyo ukuyekelela kuzo, kubalulekile ukuba uvavanye ubunzima bezigqibo zakho. "Ukubandakanya imilinganiselo yakho okanye ukuziphatha kuyingozi kwimpilo yakho," kusho uBrateman.

4. Wenaukuzinza ngenxa yokuba awufuniufuna ukuba wedwa. Ufanele ukuphila ubomi bakho obungcono, kunye neqabane elikwenza uzive njengolona guqulelo lungcono kuwe. Ewe ubuhlobo budidekile, kodwa obo buhlobo buya buxabiseka ngakumbi xa ukunye nomntu ongagcini nje ngokugcina isimilo sakho kodwa akwenze uzive ubaluleke ngokwenyani. Kwaye kukho izibonelelo zempilo zokungatshati.

Ungayiphelisa njani (Ngokwenene)

Ngoko uzamkele izibakala: Lixesha lokuba uphume kobu budlelwane buyingozi. Inyathelo lakho elilandelayo kukuqhawula amaqhina kwaye uzivumele ukuba umke ngeyona ndlela ingenamthungo. (Ngaba ujonge indlela yokuqhushumba umphunga? Funda Izizathu ezili-10 zokuba ubudlelwane bakho neGym bulunge ngakumbi kunomntu.)

1. Musa ukubek 'ityala. Ukubeka i-onus kumntu omnye ngokuchasene nomnye kunokwenza izinto zibe lula ekuqaleni kwi-psyche yakho. Kodwa ekugqibeleni, nokuba yeyiphi na "impazamo", isahluko sisavala. Xa ubunobudlelwane obuhamba ngebhayisikile ixeshana, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuyiphelisa, ungabeki tyala. "Ukwahlukana ngengqibelelo nobubele," utshilo uBrateman. "Oku kuyakuvula indlela yokungonwabi noxinzelelo lwengqondo. Qonda ukuba awusoze wazi ukuba yintoni engahambanga kakuhle. Yamkela into oyaziyo kwaye ufunde kumava. Thatha ongakwenza, uqhubeke."

2. Cela uncedo kubahlobo. Sonke besililiwa xa i-galpal ihamba nayo nendoda yakhe yomzuzu. Kanye njengokuba kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba nomhlobo onokuthetha naye ngamaxesha anzima (kunye necephe kwipayinti kaBen & Jerry naye), kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba kubekho umntu ojongana nawe xa usishologu.

“Buza umhlobo olungileyo okanye ilungu losapho ukuba likuncede uhlale kude nolwalamano olungaziva lusempilweni okanye lulungile,” utshilo uSyrtash. "Ukuba awuzithembi, cela umntu omthembileyo ukuba akuncede uhlale uphendula. Lo mntu unokukukhumbuza ngento engasebenziyo xa uziva ulingeka ukuba uphinde uzame. Ekugqibeleni, abo ubathandayo bafuna ukukubona wonwabile kwaye baya kwenza yintoni efunekayo ukuze ufike apho."

3. Qhawula onke amaqhina oluntu. Oko kuthetha ukuba, i-Instagram, i-Facebook, i-Twitter, i-Snapchat, i-LinkedIn ... zonke i-em. Kunzima ukubona ukuba i-ex yakho ixhomekeke entwenini, nasemva kokwahlukana okungcono.

Uphengululo lwe