La magama mathathu mancinci ayakwenza ukuba ube ngumntu oGwenxa-kwaye ngokufuthi uwathetha ngalo lonke ixesha

Umxholo

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Nantsi into eya kukwenza ukuba ucinge kabini: "Uninzi lweengxoxo zaseMelika zibonakaliswa sisikhalazo," utshilo uScott Bea, Psy.D., isazi ngengqondo kwiCliniki yaseCleveland.

Iyavakala. Ubuchopho bomntu bunento ebizwa ngokuba kukukhetha okungalunganga. "Sikholisa ukuqaphela izinto ezisongelayo kwimeko yethu," utshilo uBea. Ibuyela kumaxesha ookhokho bethu xa ukukwazi ukubona izoyikiso kwakubalulekile ukuze siphile.

Kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uthethe ukuba ngokwenene uyazama ukungakhalazi-uyacamngca, ucinga ukuba uyakha, uhlala uzama ukufumana okulungileyo-unokuba netyala ngakumbi kunokuba ucinga. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ugqibele nini ukuthi wayenayo ukwenza into? Mhlawumbi wena wayenayo ukuya kuthenga ezivenkileni. Okanye wena wayenayo ukusebenza. Mhlawumbi wena wayenayo ukuya kumazala wakho emva komsebenzi.

Ngumgibe olula sonke esiwela kuwo ukusuka kumaxesha ngamaxesha, kodwa ngulo ungenako ukwenza umbono wethu ngobomi ube luhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, kodwa unokuchaphazela ne-chemistry yengqondo, utshilo uBea.

Ngethamsanqa, ulwimi oluncinci lwe-tweak lunokunceda: Endaweni yokuthi "Ndimele," yithi, "Ndiyafika." Yinto iinkampani ezinje ngoBomi buhle, ezithumela imiyalezo eyakhayo ngazo zonke iintlobo zempahla kunye neempahla, ezikhuthaza abasebenzi kunye nabathengi ukuba bayenze. (Inxulumene: Le ndlela yokuCinga ngokuNako inokwenza ukuNamathela kwimikhwa esempilweni kube lula kakhulu)

Nasi isizathu sokusebenza: babe uku' kuvakala njengomthwalo. 'Mna fumana "lithuba," utshilo uBea. "Kwaye nengqondo yethu iphendula ngamandla kwindlela esisebenzisa ngayo ulwimi xa sithetha kunye nendlela esilusebenzisa ngayo ulwimi kwiingcinga zethu."

Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ngelixa usithi kufuneka wenze into enokukunceda uyenze (uya kuyenza iklasi yokujikeleza, umzekelo), ukwenza isimilo sokuziphatha njengento oza kuyenza kukunceda uncike kuyo ngentumekelelo ethe kratya. (kwaye ndikuncede uyixabise into yokuba uyakwazi ukusebenza kwindawo yokuqala), utshilo uBea. "Kuzisa ithuba lamathuba-kunye nokwamkela amava, enenzuzo enhle kuthi. Ukwahlula phakathi kwesongelo kunye nomngeni," utsho. "Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abajonge isoyikiso esihle kwaye uninzi lwethu lujongene nomngeni olungileyo okanye ithuba." (Idibeneyo: Ngaba UkuCinga okuqinisekileyo kuyasebenza ngokwenene?)

Ngaphezu koko: Unyango lwengqondo olusakhulayo, oluquka into ebizwa ngokuba lunyango lokwamkela nokuzibophelela, lugxininise kwiinguqulelo zolwimi ezincinci ezifana nezi ukunceda abantu ukuba babethe amaxesha anzima, uyaphawula. Ke ngelixa ukucinga okuqinisekileyo (kunye nazo zonke izinto eziza nazo) zimalunga neengcinga ezakhayo, ikwanazo nezimo zengqondo ezilungileyo, ezinokuthi, zikhulise umbulelo kunye noxabiso, zikhuthaze nokuziphatha okuhle ngakumbi, ewe, iingcinga, nazo. Izikhalazo kwelinye icala? Banokusishiya siziva sisengozini ngakumbi kwaye sisongelwa emhlabeni, siqhubela phambili umjikelo wokungakhathali kunye noloyiko.

Ukuya kuthi ga ngoku, "Ndimele" ayisiyiyo kuphela ibinzana omele uyiyeke. U-Bea uthi sihlala sizihlela ngolwimi ngamagama abanzi, atshabalalayo aqhele ukubaxwa. Sithi: "Ndinesithukuthezi" okanye "andonwabanga" xa sithelekisa "ndibe namaxesha anesithukuthezi" okanye "ndibeneentsuku ezimbalwa ezibuhlungu mva nje." Yonke le nto inokuba nombala kwindlela esibuphila ngayo ubomi, utshilo. Ngelixa eyokuqala inokubonakala ngathi inzima-phantse ayinakwenzeka ukubetha-eyokugqibela ishiya indawo ethe kratya yokuphucula kwaye ikwapeyinte ngakumbi imeko ebonakalayo yemeko ekuyo. (Idibeneyo: Izizathu ezixhaswe yiNzululwazi Unokonwaba ngokusemthethweni kwaye usempilweni ehlotyeni)

Elona candelo lilungileyo malunga nolu tshintsho lulula? Bancinci-kwaye ungaqala ukuzenza, stat. Kwaye bayondla omnye komnye.

U-Bea uthi: "Umbulelo uyakunyanzela ukuba ubeke icebo lokucoca ulwelo kwiintsuku ezilandelayo ukuqala ukukhangela izinto onombulelo ngazo, kwaye loo nto ayiqhelekanga ebantwini ngenxa yoko yenza inkqubo yenkqubo."

Kwaye yiyo Inkqubo esinokuyifumana ngasemva.

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