Xa Ndaba ngumhlolokazi eneminyaka engama-27, ndasebenzisa isondo ukuze ndisinde kwintlungu yam
Umxholo
- Ukunqwenela ukuchukunyiswa, ukubanjwa, ukwanga, ukuthuthuzelwa
- Ukwabelana ngesondo njengesixhobo sokuzithanda nokuziphilisa
Elinye icala lentlungu luthotho malunga namandla atshintsha ubomi alahleko. La mabali abantu abanamandla baphonononga izizathu ezininzi kunye neendlela esizifumana ngayo usizi kwaye sihamba ngendlela entsha.
Kwii-20 zam, indlela yam yokwabelana ngesondo yayivulekile, yasendle, kwaye isimahla. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, izinto kunye nomyeni wam zaziqhelekile ngokwesiko kwasekuqaleni.
Wandithandana nemihla emithathu ngaphambi kokumanga kwethu kokuqala, nangona ndizama ngokungaphumeleli ukumenza eze kwindlu yam ekupheleni kwesinye nesinye.
Ekuqaleni, walinganiswa kwisantya sakhe ngelixa endazi. Kungekudala emva koko, wazivula ngokupheleleyo. Ngenye ingokuhlwa emva kokwenza uthando kwigumbi lakhe elise studio, iinyembezi zovuyo zehla ebusweni bam. Sibe kunye iinyanga ezimbini kuphela, kodwa bendiwele kuye.
"Ndikoyika ukulahlekelwa nguwe, kukukhathaza, okanye kukuthanda kakhulu," ndimxelele.
Ubonakalise inkathalo, uthando, kunye nentlonipho ngomzimba wam ngokuhambelana nemfesane yakhe yomoya wam. Umtsalane wam kuye wawunamandla kunye nombane. Wayebonakala elungile, enobubele, emhle kakhulu ukuba angaba yinyani. Ukuzinikela kwakhe ekuthembekeni nasekunxibelelaneni ndikhulule kukungazithembi kwam kunye namathandabuzo.
Sikunye, sakha ubudlelwane esasibuphupha sobabini kodwa asibufumani nomnye umntu. Uthando lwethu lukhule ngokulula.
Sobabini sasibeka phambili iziyolo zobomi- ukuhleka, umculo, ubugcisa, ukutya, isini, ukhenketho- kwaye sabelana ngethemba lokuvuya. Kangangeminyaka emi-4 1/2, sasingahlukani. Sasimnye.
Kwiiveki ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuzalwa kwakhe kwama-31, ngelixa wayechitha uEva woNyaka oMtsha ekhaya, wasweleka ngesiquphe nge-aortic dissection. Wayengaguli kwaye engenandlela yakwazi ukuba le ntlekele yayisiza entliziyweni yakhe ebuthathaka.
Ubomi bam butshintshe ngonaphakade xa ndimfumene engaphenduli, xa ndafumanisa uthando lwam olungenamiqathango kuye alunakumsindisa ekufeni.
Ndandiqinisekile ukuba ndiyifumene ingunaphakade yam kunye naye. Kwaye, nge-27, ngequbuliso ndandingumhlolokazi.
Ngobusuku nje obunye, ndayeka ukuphelela apho sasifumana ngokudibanisa ubomi bethu. Ndandingatshatanga, ndedwa, kwaye inxalenye yesazisi sam - ukuba ngumfazi wakhe - yaphela. Igumbi lethu lokulala laziva lingenanto. Khange ndicinge ikamva lam, ngoku ndijongane nayo ngaphandle kwakhe.
Intlungu yam kunye nentliziyo yam ibibuhlungu emzimbeni kwaye ididekile. Kuthathe iinyanga ukubuyela ekulaleni ubusuku bonke, nangaphezulu ukuwenza usuku ngaphandle kokujikeleza kwiinyembezi. Ndibuhlungu bubulolo - ukulangazelela umntu endingenakuba naye - kwaye ndibuhlungu ukubanjwa nokuthuthuzelwa ngomnye umzimba. Ndilele ngokwala ebhedini yethu, umzimba wam ufikelela kuye ukuze asuse ukubanda kwiinyawo zam ezibandayo.
Ntsasa nganye ndandiba ngathi ndikhuphisana ngeenyawo. Ndingaqhubeka njani ngaphandle kwakhe, kwakhona?
Ukunqwenela ukuchukunyiswa, ukubanjwa, ukwanga, ukuthuthuzelwa
Abantu ebomini bam bahlukile, kwaye bandenza ndaziva ndithandwa macala onke. Ndikwazile ukonwaba, ukuhleka, kwaye ndiziva ndinombulelo ngobomi njengoko iintsuku zazihamba ngaphandle kwakhe. Kodwa akukho mkhathalelo womhlobo onokubuphelisa ubulolo bam.
Ndifuna umntu oza kundibamba-intuthuzelo endiyicelileyo ukusukela ndisengumntwana omncinci kwaye indoda yam ibithembisa mihla le. Ndazibuza ukuba ngubani kwaye nini ndiyeke ukuziva ndililolo, luhlobo luni lomntu onokwanelisa intswelo ethile engoneliseki.
Umnqweno wam wokuchukunyiswa, ukwanga, ukuphathwa ngokungathi ngumlilo wasendle ovutha ngokuqaqambileyo kwaye ushushu ngaphakathi kum yonke imihla edlulayo.
Xa ndandinesibindi ngokwaneleyo sokuzityand 'igila kubahlobo malunga nokuphelelwa kwam yimincili, abanye bathelekisa iintlungu zam nexesha lokuphila kwabo bengatshatanga. Kodwa ukungabinanto endandikuva ngokwazi uthando olugqibeleleyo kunye nokuphulukana nalo kwakunzima kakhulu.
Ukuba ngumhlolokazi akufani nokwahlukana okanye uqhawulo-mtshato. Mna nomyeni wam sahlulwa ngonaphakade, ngaphandle kokukhetha, kwaye ukusweleka kwakhe akunanto yakwenza nesilivere.
Bendingafuni ukuthandana. Bendifuna umyeni wam. Kwaye ukuba andinakuba naye, ndifuna isondo kunye nothando lomzimba ngaphandle kokwenza ngathi ndilungile.Ndijike ndathandana nee -apps okokuqala ndifumana amaqabane afanelekileyo ukufezekisa iimfuno zam. Kwaphela iinyanga ezintandathu, ndimeme umtya wabantu endingabaziyo endlwini yam. Ndiphephe isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye neziselo, endaweni yoko ndicebisa ngolunye uhlobo lokuhlangana. Ndibaxelele imithetho yam, izinto endizikhethayo, kunye nemigaqo. Ndandinyanisekile kubo malunga nemeko yam kwaye ndingakulungelanga ubudlelwane obutsha. Kwakusezandleni zabo ukuba bathathe isigqibo sokuba ngaba bakulungele na ukusikelwa umda.
Ndaziva ndingenanto yokuphulukana nayo. Ndandisele ndiphila kwelona phupha lam libi, kutheni ungabinasibindi kumzamo wokufumana uyolo kwaye ufune uvuyo?
Ukwabelana ngesondo endinakho kwezi nyanga zokuqala kwakungekho nto ibifana nokusondelelana endandinokwabelana nomyeni wam, kodwa ndasebenzisa ukuzithemba endikufumene emtshatweni wam ukuze ndikhuthaze ukudibana kwam.
Ngokungafaniyo nokuziphatha ngokungakhathali ngexesha lekholeji, bendingena kwisini esingaqhelekanga kwaye ndinokuqonda okungcono kwento endiyifunayo ukuze ndoneliseke. Ukukhula ngakumbi kwaye ndixhobile ngothando olungagungqiyo emzimbeni wam, isini sandinika ukubaleka.
Ukwabelana ngesondo kwandenza ndaziva ndiphila kwaye kwandikhulula kwiingcinga ezibuhlungu, ezijikelezayo zendlela ubomi bam obuya kuba yiyo ukuba wayengafanga. Yandinika amandla kwaye yandinika ukuqonda.
Ingqondo yam yaziva ikhululekile ngesikhukula ngasinye se-oxytocin endakha ndayibona. Ukuchukunyiswa kwandinika amandla okujamelana nobunzima bempilo yam yemihla ngemihla.
Ukwabelana ngesondo njengesixhobo sokuzithanda nokuziphilisa
Ndisazi ukuba abantu bazakuba nzima ukuqonda indlela endithetha ngayo. Inkcubeko yethu ayinikezeli ngemizekelo emininzi yabasetyhini abasebenzisa isondo njengesixhobo sokuzithanda, ukuphilisa, okanye amandla. Ukufezekisa isondo ngaphandle kobudlelwane kunzima kubantu abaninzi ukuba baziqonde.
Andizange ndibenamntu endinokucela kuye iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokulungisa ukungangqinelani kwam ngokwesini kwi-anchor eyayingumtshato wam, kodwa ndazimisela ukuzenzela eyam indlela.Ndikukhumbulile ukukhathalela umyeni wam-ndimthambisa, ndimkhuthaza ukuba alandele amaphupha akhe, amamele kwaye ahleke amabali akhe. Ndikhumbula ukusebenzisa ixesha lam, amandla am, kunye neetalente zam ukuvula, ukumenza azive exabisekile, kwaye onwabise ubomi bakhe. Ndaziva ndinesisa ngokunika amadoda amatsha uhlobo lonyango endandinika ngalo umyeni wam, nokuba yayiyiyure nje.
Kwakulula nokuqhelana nobomi ndedwa xa ndandindwendwelwa ngamanye amaxesha ukuba andikhumbuze ngobuhle bam okanye ndiqinisekise ngesini.
Ndifumene entsha eqhelekileyo.
Emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa zesini esingaqhelekanga kunye nonxibelelwano olunqongopheleyo, nditshintshe ikhosi, ndaye ndanikezela kumaqabane phakathi kobudlelwane obunamandla okanye obungenabudlelwane.
Ngamadoda aneentombi okanye abafazi, ndafumana isondo esihle ngaphandle kokuxhomekeka. Inkampani yabo izalisekisa iimfuno zam zomzimba ngelixa ndiqhubeka nokuqonda ngobomi bam nekamva lam ngaphandle komyeni wam. Ukuseta kufanelekile, kuthathelwa ingqalelo iimeko zam, kuba ndinokwakha ukuthembana kunye nencoko evulekileyo ejikeleze isini kunye neminqweno nala maqabane, ekunzima ngobusuku obubodwa.
Ngoku, unyaka onesiqingatha ukusweleka komyeni wam, ndiyajola, andimeli nje abantu ukuba beze kwindlu yam. Kodwa ukuphoxeka kungaphezulu lee kunethamsanqa lethemba.
Ndihlala ndinethemba lokuba ndizakufumana umntu oza kwabelana ngobomi bam ngokupheleleyo. Ndivulekile ukufumana uthando nakweyiphi na ikona, kuye nawuphina umntu. Xa kufika ixesha lokuba nditshintshe obu bomi bungaqhelekanga ndiphinde ndibufumane obufana ncam nobendabelana nomyeni wam, ndizakwenza njalo ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo.
Okwangoku, ukufuna nokubeka phambili ukuzonwabisa ngokuba ngumhlolokazi, njengoko ndenzayo emtshatweni wam, kuya kuqhubeka ukundinceda ndisinde.
Ngaba ufuna ukufunda ngakumbi amabali kubantu abahamba ngendlela entsha njengoko behlangabezana nokungalindelekanga, ukutshintsha ubomi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha amaxesha osizi? Jonga uthotho olupheleleyo Apha.
UAnjali Pinto ngumbhali kunye nomfoti eChicago. Ukufota kwakhe kunye nezincoko zipapashwe kwiThe New York Times, eChicago Magazine, eWashington Post, eHarper's Bazaar, eBitch Magazine, naseRolling Stone. Ngexesha lonyaka wokuqala emva kokudlula ngesiquphe komyeni kaPinto, uJacob Johnson, wabelana ngesithombe kunye nefomathi ende I-Instagram yonke imihla njengendlela yokuphilisa. Ngenxa yokuba sesichengeni, iintlungu novuyo lwakhe lwatyityimbisela abantu abaninzi kwimbono yosizi.