Ukubaleka kundincedile ekugqibeleni kwabetha uxinzelelo lwam lwasemva kokubeleka

Umxholo

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Ndazala intombi yam ngo-2012 kwaye ukukhulelwa kwam kwakulula njengoko befumana. Noko ke, kunyaka olandelayo, wahluke ngokupheleleyo koko. Ngelo xesha, bendingazi ukuba likho igama loko ndiziva, kodwa ndichithe iinyanga ezili-12 ukuya kwezi-13 zokuqala zobomi bomntwana wam zidandathekile kwaye zikhathazekile okanye ndindisholo.

Kunyaka emva koko, ndaphinda ndakhulelwa. Ngelishwa, ndaphunyelwa sisisu kwangethuba. Andizange ndizive ndikhathazeke kakhulu ngaloo nto njengoko ndandibava abantu abandingqongileyo. Phofu ndandingaziva buhlungu tu.

Ukukhawuleza phambili kwiiveki ezimbalwa kwaye ngequbuliso ndafumana ukungxama okukhulu kweemvakalelo kwaye yonke into yandifikela ngaxeshanye-usizi, isithukuthezi, uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Yayiyi-180 iyonke-kwaye kuxa ndandisazi ukuba kufuneka ndifumane uncedo.

Ndacwangcisa udliwanondlebe kunye noochwephesha bengqondo ezimbini ezahlukeneyo kwaye baqinisekisa ukuba bendinengxaki yoxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka (PPD). Ukujonga emva, bendisazi ukuba ibinjalo yonke loo nto-emva kokukhulelwa kwabo bobabini-kodwa bekusavakala ukuba i-surreal ukuyiva ithethwa ngokuvakalayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, andizange ndibe ngenye yezo ziganeko ezigqithisileyo ofunda ngazo kwaye andizange ndive ngathi ndiza kuzilimaza mna okanye umntwana wam. Kodwa bendiselusizana-kwaye akukho mntu ufanele ukuziva ngaloo ndlela. (Idibeneyo: Kutheni abanye abantu basetyhini benokuthi bafumane ngakumbi kwi-Biologically Susceptible to Postpartum Depression)

Kwiiveki ezilandelayo, ndaqalisa ukusebenza ngokwam kwaye ndenza imisebenzi eyabelwe abanyangi bam, njengokubhala ijenali. Kulapho abantu endisebenza nabo bandibuza ukuba ndakhe ndazama na ukubaleka njengonyango. Ewe, bendike ndaya kubaleka apha naphaya, kodwa ibingeyonto ndiyibhale ngepensile kwinkqubo yam yeveki. Ndazicingela, "Kutheni?"

Ngexesha lokuqala endabaleka ngalo, ndandingakwazi nokujikeleza ibhloko ngaphandle kokuphefumla ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa ukubuyela kwam ekhaya, bendinento entsha endiyenzileyo ebindenza ndizive ngathi ndingathatha lonke usuku, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni. Ndaziva ndinelunda kwaye ndandisele ndijonge phambili ekubalekeni kwakhona ngosuku olulandelayo.

Kungekudala ngokwaneleyo, ukubaleka kwaba yinxalenye yeentsasa zam kwaye kwaqala ukudlala indima enkulu ekubuyiseni impilo yam yengqondo. Ndikhumbula ndicinga ukuba nokuba yonke into endayenzayo ngaloo mini yayiqhutywa, ndayenza into ethile-kwaye ngandlel' ithile oko kwandenza ndaziva ngathi ndiyakwazi ukusingatha yonke into kwakhona. Ngaphezu kwesihlandlo esinye, ukubaleka kwandikhuthaza ukuba ndityhale ngaphaya kwezo zihlandlo xa ndandiziva ngathi ndibuyela endaweni emnyama. (Idibeneyo: 6 Iimpawu ezifihlakeleyo zoxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka)

Ukusukela ngelo xesha kwiminyaka emibini eyadlulayo, ndandibaleka iiarathons ezingenakubalwa kunye neRagnar Relay eyi-200-mile ukusuka eHuntington Beach ukuya eSan Diego. Ngo-2016, ndabaleka umdyarho wam wokuqala opheleleyo kwiNqila yaseOrange ndilandelwa ngomnye eRiverside ngoJanyuwari kunye nolunye e-L.A. ngoMatshi. Ukusukela ngoko, amehlo am bendiwajongile kwiNew York Marathon. (Idibeneyo: Iindawo ezili-10 zeBhantshi zoLungelelwano lwakho olulandelayo)

Ndifake igama lam ... kwaye andizange ndikhethwe. (Mnye kuphela kwabahlanu abafake izicelo ngokwenene owenza isikwa.) Ndiphantse ndaphelelwa lithemba de ukhuphiswano lwesincoko lwe-intanethi oluvela kwiphulo le-PowerBar's Clean Start lweza emfanekisweni. Ukugcina ulindelo lwam luphantsi, ndibhale isincoko malunga nokuba kutheni ndicinga ukuba ndifanele ukuqala okucocekileyo, ndichaza ukubaleka kundincede njani ukuba ndiphinde ndibuyele engqondweni. Ndabaxelela ukuba ukuba ndifumene ithuba lokubaleka olu gqatso, ndiyakwazi ukubonisa abanye abafazi ukuba lunjalo ngu kunokwenzeka ukoyisa ukugula ngengqondo, ngakumbi iPPD, kunye nayo ngu kunokwenzeka ukubuyisela ubomi bakho kwaye uqale phantsi.

Okwandothusayo kukuba, ndanyulwa njengomnye wabantu abali-16 abaza kuba kwiqela labo kwaye ndiza kubaleka uMdyarho weSixeko saseNew York kule nyanga izayo kaNovemba.

Ke ngaba ukuqhuba uncedo ngePPD? Ngokusekwe kumava am, inako ngokuqinisekileyo! Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, into endifuna ukuba abanye abafazi bayazi kukuba ndingumfazi oqhelekileyo kunye nomama. Ndikhumbula ndisiva isithukuthezi esasihambisana nesi sigulo sengqondo kwakunye netyala lokungavuyi ukuba nosana oluhle olutsha. Ndaziva ngathi andinamntu wokudibana naye okanye ndiziva ndikhululekile ukwabelana ngeengcinga zam naye. Ndiyathemba ukuba ndingakutshintsha oko ngokwabelana ngebali lam.

Mhlawumbi ukuqhuba umdyarho akuyonto yakho, kodwa uluvo lokufezekisa uyakuziva ulubambe olo sana kwisitrato kwaye uhamba nje unyuka usiya epasejini, okanye wenza nje uhambo oluya ezantsi kwibhokisi yakho yeposi yonke imihla, inokukumangalisa. (Eyeleleneyo: IiNzuzo zeMpilo yeNgqondo ezili-13 zokuzilolonga)

Ngaminazana ithile, ndiyathemba ukuba ndiza kuba ngumzekelo kwintombi yam kwaye ndiyibukele ikhokelela kwindlela yokuphila apho ukusebenza okanye naluphi na uhlobo lomthambo luya kuba yinto yesibini kuye. Ngubani owaziyo? Mhlawumbi iya kumnceda ukuba adlule kwamanye awona maxesha anzima ebomini, kanye njengokuba kwenzekile kum.

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