Ukubaleka ngokuqhekeka kwentliziyo: Ukubaleka kundiphilise njani

Umxholo

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Qhubeka utyhala, ndadumzela ngaphakathi njengoko ndanditshixiza ndisingise kwindawo ephawulweyo yeemayile ezili-12 yeRunner's World Heartbreak Hill Half eNewton, Massachusetts, ebizwa ngokuba yeyona ndawo idume kakubi yeBoston Marathon. Ndifikelele kwithambeka kwinqanaba lokugqibela lesiqingatha semarathon esikhulelwe injongo enye: ukoyisa i-Heartbreak Hill.

Ngumzuzwana iimbaleki ezininzi eziphuphayo malunga-ndibandakanyiwe. Ndibe nombono wokuzithemba ukutyhutyha uthambeka, imiphunga yam ibetha ngesingqi ukuya kumgama wam njengoko ndophuke iiyure ezimbini. Kodwa eyona nto ibifanele ukuba yeyona yam ikhawulezileyo yehafu-marathon ikhawuleze yaba yeyona indicothayo. Usuku olungenamafu, i-80-day lundinyanzele ukuba ndithothise isantya sam. Ndaye ke ndadibana ubuso ngobuso neNduli eyaziwayo yentliziyo, ndathobekile kwaye ndoyisile.

Njengoko ndandisondela ekuthambekeni, intliziyo yayindijikelezile. Umqondiso ubonakalise ukuqala kwayo: Intliziyo ebuhlungu. Indoda eyayinxibe isuti yegorila yayinxibe isikipa esibhalwe igama elithi: Intliziyo ebuhlungu. Ababukeli bakhwaza: "Intaba yentliziyo eqhekekileyo phambili!"

Ngokukhawuleza, yayingengomqobo nje kuphela. Ngaphandle kwendawo, iintlungu eziphambili ebomini bam zandihlamba. Ndidiniwe, ndiphelelwe ngamanzi emzimbeni, kwaye ndijonge phantsi ukusilela, andinakukwazi ukushukumisa amava endiwadibanisa nelo gama: ukukhula kunye notata oxhaphazayo, owayelinxila owazisela ukufa xa ndandineminyaka engama-25, ndisilwa nethumba lesibindi elandishiya ndihamba ndiqhwalela kwaye ndingakwazi ukubaleka ngaphezulu kweshumi leminyaka, ndenziwa utyando lwamaqanda nge-16, ukuya exesheni okwethutyana kwi-20, kwaye ndiphila ngokuxilongwa okuthetha ukuba ngekhe ndibenabo abantwana. Iintlungu zam zazingathi azipheli njengokukhwela intaba.

Umqala wam waqina. Khange ndikwazi ukuphefumla bendiminxaniswa ziinyembezi. Ndacothoza ukuhamba, ndikhefuzela xa ndibetha isifuba sam ngesandla sam. Ngalo lonke inyathelo lokunyuka kwentaba yokuqaqamba kwentliziyo, ndaziva ndiwafumana evuleka kwakhona, ndibangela iintlungu kwakhona kumphefumlo wam obomvu, obethayo. Imithungo eyayibopha intliziyo yam eyaphukileyo yaqalisa ukuqhawuka. Njengokuba ubuhlungu bentliziyo kunye neemvakalelo zindibambile ndingacingi, ndacinga ngokuyeka, ndihleli kumanqam, intloko ezandleni kunye nesifuba esikhupha irekhodi lomhlaba uPaula Radcliffe wakwenza xa wayeka ugqatso lwe-Olimpiki ngo-2004.

Kodwa nangona umnqweno wokuyeka wawusoyisa, kukho into eyandiqhubela phambili, indityhalela phezulu ukuba ndikhuphuke yi-Heartbreak Hill.

Ndize kwezemidlalo yokubaleka ngokungathandabuzekiyo-ungade uthi ukukhaba nokukhala. Ukusukela kwiminyaka ye-14, ukubaleka bekuko i eyona nto ibuhlungu ndinokuyenza, enkosi kwelo thumba. Ngaphezu kweminyaka eli-10 kamva kwaye kungaphelanga neenyanga ezimbini emva kokusweleka kukatata, ndade ndaya kuqhaqho. Ke ngephanyazo, indoda kunye nesithintelo esandichazayo saphela.

Ngokuyalelwa ngugqirha, ndaqala ukubaleka. Umzondo endandinawo kwezemidlalo wakhawuleza wadibana nenye into: uvuyo. Inyathelo ngenyathelo, imayile ngemayile, ndafumanisa ukuba mna ethandwayo ukubaleka. Ndaziva ndikhululekile-inkululeko yokuba zombini ithumba kwaye ndihlala phantsi komthunzi katata bandikhanyele.

Kwiminyaka elishumi kamva, ndibaleke i-marathons engama-20, iimarathoni ezisixhenxe, kwaye ndakha ikhondo lomsebenzi apho bendisoyika. Kwelo xesha, lo mdlalo waba lunyango lwam kunye nentuthuzelo yam. Ukuzilolonga kwam kwemihla ngemihla yayilijelo losizi, umsindo, kunye nokudana okwakuthwaxa ubudlelwane bam notata wam. Uqeqesho lwandinika ixesha lokujonga iimvakalelo zam xa sele engekho. Ndaqala ukuphilisa-30, 45, kunye nemizuzu engama-60 ngexesha.

Umdyarho wam wesithathu ubonise ukuba kungakanani ukubaleka endikwenzileyo. IChicago Marathon yowama-2009 yaba ngomhla wesithandathu wokusweleka kukatata, kwisixeko sobutsha bam. Ndichithe iimpelaveki zobuntwana emsebenzini notata wam, kwaye ikhosi yeemarike ipasa iofisi yakhe yakudala. Ndinikezele ugqatso kuye, kwaye ndabaleka ngokona kulungileyo. Ndathi xa ndifuna ukuncama ndacinga ngaye. Ndiye ndaqonda andiphindi ndicaphuke, ubushushu bam bunyibilikile emoyeni ngumbilo wam.

Ngelo xesha kwi-Heartbreak Hill yaseBoston, ndacinga ngentshukumo yomzimba yokubeka unyawo olunye phambi kolunye, indlela endifumene ngayo kule minyaka ili-10 idlulileyo yobomi bam. Ukuqhubela phambili kwaba ngumbonakaliso wokomfuziselo kunye noqobo lwendlela endiziva ngayo.

Kwaye ke ndenyuka umqansa ophakamileyo ndisazi ukuba ndiza kuyifumana isiqingatha seyure-mbini yesiqingatha semarathon ngenye imini, ukuba akunjalo namhlanje, ndisazi ukuba intlungu nganye ekugqibeleni yoyiswa luvuyo olukhulu. Ndathula umphefumlo wam ndayeka iinyembezi zam zanyibilika kwisithinteli elangeni, ityiwa, nokubila ndigqume ubuso bam.

Ngakwincopho yenduli, kweza omnye umfazi weza kum."Yiza," utshilo ngokungathandekiyo ngokutshangatshangisa kwesandla sakhe. "Siphantse saya," watsho, endiqokelela kwisicatshulwa sam.

Qhubeka utyhala, Ndicinge. Ndaphinda ndaqalisa ukubaleka.

“Enkosi,” ndatsho ndisondela ecaleni kwakhe. "Bendiyidinga lonto." Sibalekise amakhulu ambalwa eeyadi zokugqibela kunye, siqhubele phambili sinqumla umgca wokugqibela.

Ngentliziyo eyaphukileyo emva kwam, ndiye ndabona ukuba imizabalazo yobomi bam ayindichazi. Kodwa into endiyenzileyo ngabo. Kwakungase ndihlale phantsi kwicala laloo course. Ngendingavayizeli loo mbaleki ukuba ihambe. Kodwa andizange. Ndizitsale ndedwa ndaqhubeka nokutyhala, ukuhambela phambili, ukubaleka nobomi.

UKarla Bruning ngumbhali / intatheli obhloga malunga nazo zonke izinto eziqhutywa kwiRunKarlaRun.com.

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